Thinking about giving up

[Dell]

Not sure on what to do or if I'm being silly.
My husband and I don't do anything together. We both work, my husband goes camping with his mates and Son every now and again. Now he tells me last night he's going to Frazer Island which is over 1100km in a week with his Son and a couple of mates. I can't go as we have animals and my job which he knows.
I'm really sick of him doing his own thing and not giving a crap about leaving me all the time. We can't even really afford for him to go

[KayKay]

Did you tell him that? What did he say?

[Dell]

Oh he knows. The last time he went away he was going to take me some where after he got back but didn't happen. I don't think he really cares what I think it here wise he wouldn't be going.

[LucyVanPelt]

Oh, Dell, I'm really sorry. It sounds like you're feeling left out and disrespected.

If you give up, and leave over your husband's need for play time with the guys, will you be sorry for it later? Do you have a plan in place so you can make it on your own?

If you're not really ready to make a permanent break, then I think you should try 2 things: First, make plans with your own friends to do things when your husband is away. Second, make a plan for you and your husband to do something together and see how that goes.

Good luck.

[Dell]

That's the thing I don't like doing things without my husband. So I can't tell you the last time I went out. Plus the last thing I will want to do when my husband gets back is pretend I'm okay with him going and do something nice with him. It's my 50th this year and we were going to go away and do something special. Now we won't be able to afford it.

[KayKay]

So his weekends away come out of the combined family budget?

[LucyVanPelt]

Originally Posted by Dell

That's the thing I don't like doing things without my husband. So I can't tell you the last time I went out.

This is something that has to change. You're asking your husband to fill a need that he cannot/will not fill. You still have the need to get out and socialize. You'll have to do that for yourself. Whether you stay or leave, you will have to go out without your husband.

Plus the last thing I will want to do when my husband gets back is pretend I'm okay with him going and do something nice with him.

It's not about pretending that you're okay with him going. You can be angry, sad, and hurt. You can tell him that you are. But as an adult, you also don't want to be spiteful and give up opportunities for happiness. IME, things turned around for me when I stopped punishing my DH for decisions I disagreed with, and rewarding him for the decisions I did agree with.

It's my 50th this year and we were going to go away and do something special. Now we won't be able to afford it.

If he is spending money out of the family budget, that is a problem. When is the last time you two sat down and spoke about the family budget?

50 is a banner year, especially for women. The coping mechanisms we used in the past don't seem to work anymore. We know we need to do something different. Here's the challenge-- do you want to do that "something different" inside the marriage and change it for the better, or do you want to do that "something different" and totally change your life. Many of my friends are single. I don't want that life. I'll be 50 this year, too.

Happy Birthday! How do you want to celebrate your day?

[Cremebrulee]

I'm so sorry this is happening to you both....like Lucy said, it needs to change...
you have to change it...it's not all right to put your feelings, wants and needs aside and your husband needs to realize this.

I don't blame you for feeling unappreciated....he needs to make an effort to let you know he cares by doing things together...otherwise, what do you have to look forward to.

Don't rant and rave about it, but you need to speak with him about this seriously, openly and honestly.

You are enabling him to do this to you, and he is ignoring the hurt you feel when he does this and if he refuses to see it and do something about it, well then, you need to make some very serious decisions...but to keep on going like this only builds resentment and it's a disloyalty to your relationship.

[snafu]

(((hugs)))

[Dell]

Thank you for all your replys. I wasn't sure whether I was being selfish.
I'm not sure but I think he's not going now, but we haven't talked in days.
As far as my 50th goes I want nothing