Go Back   Friends and Family Forum > The Family Forum > Parents

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old June 21st, 2018, 11:02 AM
Jessspin01 Jessspin01 is offline
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2016
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 13
Jessspin01 is on a distinguished road
I think my mom might be jealous of my new relationship

I feel like I can no longer talk about my new relationship with my mom.

Just a little background: I'm 32 yeas old. He's 31 and my mom is 51.

I've been seeing this guy for about two months. We're both divorcees. For the first time in a really long time, I am actually very happy; individually and with this new guy. I'm living on my own for the first time ever, I have a great job, and I feel so happy and free! I do like to talk about him and yeah, sometimes a little too much, but I can't help it. So if I bring him up my mom becomes very immature, bratty, and will mock whatever I say. It sucks because I want her to be happy for me. I think back at all the nights I was on the phone with her crying over my ex-husband doing this and that and me being so miserable.

My mom has been single for a very long time. She's had on and off relationships since her and my dad divorced. She's been bitter about it forever and it seems to be everyone else's responsibility to find her a man. She is incredibly picky and she treats the guys that she dates like garbage. :-/ As terrible as it sounds, I don't think she's ever going to find anyone who will want to live with that. I love my mom and I want her to find someone and I want her to be happy. She's worthy of love and companionship just like everyone else. Since the last guy and that was like 5+ years ago, she's been pessimistic and bitter and has pretty much given up. So she globs onto me and even with me dating this new guy, she wants to come on our dates. We just had a discussion that she can't come on our dates. That's weird in my opinion. If we wanted to do a dinner or go to an event that she could come to then of course she'd be invited. I just think it's too soon right now. We've only been dating for two months. I don't know what everyone else's opinion is on that, but for me it feels too soon.

My mom and I have always had a rocky relationship. I've bent over backwards for her, but she doesn't always treat me right, but I'm not perfect. I've done my fair share when I was a kid and she has admitted that she doesn't always like my life choices. She didn't want me to get married and she didn't want me to divorced. Lol. I've always had to be a bit reserved with her for fear that she would judge me harshly, which she has in the past. So, I've learned from that.

It just kind of sucks because I feel like I can't talk to her about anything and especially not my love life.
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old June 21st, 2018, 01:34 PM
KayKay's Avatar
KayKay KayKay is offline
Moderator
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Texas
Posts: 16,165
KayKay has a reputation beyond reputeKayKay has a reputation beyond reputeKayKay has a reputation beyond reputeKayKay has a reputation beyond reputeKayKay has a reputation beyond repute
Re: I think my mom might be jealous of my new relationship

That does stink for you, but there's really nothing you can do to change that. Your mom seems pretty needy.

Just keep repeating your mantra to yourself "I am not responsible for my mother's happiness." It's up to your mom to find hobbies and friends and other people to hang out with or men (hopefully good ones) to date.

Her own misery is standing in the way of you having a good relationship with her. That's really sad. Is there any way you can suggest counseling to her? She needs to figure out that she's too young to have such a limited social life.
__________________
Expecto Patronum!
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old June 21st, 2018, 02:18 PM
Jessspin01 Jessspin01 is offline
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2016
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 13
Jessspin01 is on a distinguished road
Re: I think my mom might be jealous of my new relationship

Quote:
Originally Posted by KayKay View Post
That does stink for you, but there's really nothing you can do to change that. Your mom seems pretty needy.

Just keep repeating your mantra to yourself "I am not responsible for my mother's happiness." It's up to your mom to find hobbies and friends and other people to hang out with or men (hopefully good ones) to date.

Her own misery is standing in the way of you having a good relationship with her. That's really sad. Is there any way you can suggest counseling to her? She needs to figure out that she's too young to have such a limited social life.
Hi Kaykay,

Thanks for the response. She actually does see a therapist. She does have friends, but most of them are married with kids and just don't have the time anymore. She has a full time job and her own business so she is very busy. Although I kind of feel like if it was important to make friends or find a man, you would make time in your life for it. I don't know.

And, I've been told this so many times before by my therapist that I am not responsible for my mother's happiness. That is such a true statement and I will work on saying that until I believe it.

Last edited by Jessspin01; June 21st, 2018 at 02:23 PM.
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old June 28th, 2018, 06:31 PM
snafu's Avatar
snafu snafu is offline
future crazy cat lady
 
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Mid-west
Posts: 9,852
snafu has a reputation beyond reputesnafu has a reputation beyond reputesnafu has a reputation beyond reputesnafu has a reputation beyond repute
Re: I think my mom might be jealous of my new relationship

Jess - I agree with your assessment that your mom is probably jealous.


What does your therapist say about dealing with your mom? (he/she got a lot more info about your rocky relationship)

My advice - FWIW - is maybe make plans once a month (or longer) to see a chick flick with your mom (that is IF both of you like chick flicks) or have a brunch


My DM lives with my and my family due to health issues and she has had times when she's really needed.... (she's lived with us for almost 2 yrs at this point)

While we do go out for a meal on occasion, it took her until the past few months to realize we weren't going to be her social companions and she has begun initiating activities with ladies from church.
__________________
once burned, twice shy

He who ignores history is condemed to repeat it!
(it also means you weren't smart enough to learn from your mistakes )
Reply With Quote
Reply

Tags
divorce, drama, mom, relationship

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump


All times are GMT -7. The time now is 08:57 AM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.7.3
Copyright ©2000 - 2018, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Copyright 2007, The BlueSparks Network