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Old August 18th, 2017, 01:04 PM
Lisa16 Lisa16 is offline
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Co-worker/Friendship

So I have two co-workers that I started building a friendship with outside of work. We go to happy hour, visit each other houses etc. Well one co-worker in particular I really don't have much common ground with. She often says dumb and ignorant things. She is very bratty and complains all the time. She is spoiled and even though she's a grown woman her parents do everything for her. Recently her dad bought her a house (new construction). We come from two completely different backgrounds. Well usually when she says something ignorant I ignore it and tell myself "well that's just her way". Well a few weeks ago I have having a conversation with someone and we were talking about our mothers being over bearing. She chimed in and said to me "you're lucky you only have one parent". I couldn't control my emotions and just ignore it like I usually do. I cut her off and said that what she said was ignorant and to please get away from me. I was so upset I had to get up and walk out to compose myself. I felt like I could cry. I know she didn't intentionally mean anything by it but I am not 'lucky' my father abandoned me. She quickly apologized and said she only meant at least I only have one parent nagging me. This did not help the situation. She has since apologized like 5 times. Well we work together so I have been professional and cordial with her but not friendly like we were. Well earlier this week she pulled me into the conference room (I thought this was unprofessional and should not be done at work). She basically said "if I were a real friend I'd know she meant no harm and would move on". She proceeded to cry which made me extremely annoyed. Why are you crying?? I didn't do anything you did. I feel it was an ignorant comment to make and I can't be friends with someone who would say something so careless. I feel like I'm pretty annoyed with her in general because she acts like a stereotypical dumb blonde. But I do like her and she is fun to hang out with. But what kind of friend am I if I think such negative things about her? I think its best we end our friendship and just have a professional relationship. But I would like other opinions. Did I over react? Even though I don't like to say that because you can't tell someone how to feel or react. Thank so much.
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Old August 18th, 2017, 01:32 PM
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KayKay KayKay is offline
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Re: Co-worker/Friendship

Hi Lisa16. Welcome to the forum!

You are right that no one can tell you how to feel or react. Both of my parents are deceased, so I can understand the pain that she caused you.

I am grateful that my friends have forgiven the many times I have stuck my foot in my mouth. I don't mean to say dumb things like that, but I do. Or I say things that make perfect sense in my head but sound bad when they come out.

It sounds like you didn't see potential for a deep friendship with her anyway, so keep moving on if you want to.
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Old August 20th, 2017, 02:47 PM
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Re: Co-worker/Friendship

You have every right to decide not to continue the friendship with her. I think it's a bit pushy of her to keep trying to get you to resume things with her, she may genuinely miss your friendship, but you don't feel the same way. She may genuinely feel bad, but i do agree that it's histrionic and annoying for her to now be hurt by you because she hurt you first and you reacted accordingly. If she continues to push with another apology, it may help to say, I have heard your apologies, and I accept them, but I don't want to discuss this anymore. I do need my space and I would appreciate it if you give me some.

Like Kay Kay said, I have also been on the side of inadvertently offending someone and been grateful for being given a second chance and forgiveness, but you don't feel that way about her, and so you can be firm and civil without being cruel, while backing away from her.
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Old August 24th, 2017, 06:27 AM
Lisa16 Lisa16 is offline
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Re: Co-worker/Friendship

Thanks so much for the advice guys! I really appreciate it. My thing is I can't accept an apology when I know you're going to continue to do the same things over and over. She always says dumb or offensive things. This comment was just my last straw. Our mutual friend who is still close with her recently was very offended by something she said to her. However she was able to move on and still be friends with her. I can't do it because I know me.
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Old October 3rd, 2017, 10:42 PM
mia500 mia500 is offline
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Re: Co-worker/Friendship

Sorry to hear about your dad. You mentioned you feel annoyed at her for the way she is, well sometimes we let things build up then all of a sudden explode on people which is definitely the reason you got so mad. Personally, I think you should forgive her because if she was crying she really values you as a friend and truly feels bad for what she said. Some people exaggerate and try to be agreeable which is why I think she said that about people's parents. I would personally forgive her and take the friendship slowly (not being too close) but in the end its up to you who you chose to keep around.
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Old November 2nd, 2017, 09:07 AM
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Re: Co-worker/Friendship

I have said some pretty lame things at times, which came out wrong, b/c I have a tough time, sometime, finding the right words to use, and to write...they don't come to me as quickly as others. I'm very fortunate, that so many people have forgiven me.

We're not all perfect, we can't always live up to the expectations of others....please remember that....no friend you have, is going to always say the right thing....or the way you would vocalize things....we were all taught differently by our parents....so

your best bet might be to either sit down with her and very nicely say, "I need to discuss something with you and I trust, since we're friends, you'll understand, but you really hurt my feelings when you said.....
and I know you didn't mean to, but I'm sharing this with you b/c you need to filter your words sometime...instead of blurting things out....like you sometimes do....and if I hurt your feelings, it would really make me feel better if we could discuss it, so I don't do it again. Be Nice, gentle and kind.

Communication....right?

If she becomes insulted and storms away, than she wasn't really a friend, is she?
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Old December 10th, 2017, 11:21 AM
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Re: Co-worker/Friendship

Personally? I don't think any amount of fun would make the comment she said would make it ok.

If she continues to make these comments and brings it to the workplace - that is not ok.

I would continue to be professional - and look to others that are more compassionate. Even though you may be giving up the other workplace friends in lieu of the emotional berating.

The emotional rollercoaster that your supposed friend puts you on is not being a friend. Sounds to me is not worth the cost to your emotional well-being.

JMHO
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