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  #11  
Old September 17th, 2007, 06:19 PM
1dilwhosreal 1dilwhosreal is offline
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Re: An interesting development...

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Is there mental illness or sexual/physical abuse from a family member? What are the chances that two kids from the same family end up in tragic deaths??
I don't really know anything about their life stories as they were significantly older than me. What I do know is that one served in the military, was married and divorced, and chasing the dragon when he died. The other lived in the mid-west, had a wife, a good job, and liked to bike. They probably knew less about my life.

But tragedies do happen in families, with or without abuse or histories of mental illness.
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  #12  
Old September 17th, 2007, 07:05 PM
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Re: An interesting development...

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Originally Posted by Vavoom View Post
I'm more worried as to why these problems manifested. Is there mental illness or sexual/physical abuse from a family member? What are the chances that two kids from the same family end up in tragic deaths??
They're just kids, and since 1DIL's boys are so young I'm certain one or both their parents would be accompanying them.

Guilty by association is a bit strong - my DM was an alcoholic and even thought she recovered for a lot of years she ended up drinking herself to death, by DB was a drug addict until he died. I'm neither of these things and I'm certain at my middle age that I will never fall prey to these misfortunes.
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  #13  
Old September 17th, 2007, 08:10 PM
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Re: An interesting development...

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Originally Posted by Dodgerofinsults View Post
They're just kids, and since 1DIL's boys are so young I'm certain one or both their parents would be accompanying them.

Guilty by association is a bit strong - my DM was an alcoholic and even thought she recovered for a lot of years she ended up drinking herself to death, by DB was a drug addict until he died. I'm neither of these things and I'm certain at my middle age that I will never fall prey to these misfortunes.
Sad stories Dodger. I'm glad you are OK.
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  #14  
Old September 18th, 2007, 05:23 AM
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Re: An interesting development...

If you could feel comfortable around these people then sure take them for a supervised visit. If you are going to feel uncomfortable and the conversation stillted then I would not attend as your children will pick up on you being uncomfortable and you may end up having to explain more to them than you wanted to
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  #15  
Old September 18th, 2007, 07:01 AM
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Re: An interesting development...

Thanks Beth, I was a little pissed off over the years about it all, but I've always been okay, I've had lots of time to heal.
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  #16  
Old September 18th, 2007, 11:24 AM
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Re: An interesting development...

I tend to think if we have to ask the question, we usually know the answer and are just wanting verification about being right.
The old adage "when in doubt, don't" rings true more often than not.
The most important thing is the safety of your children - err on the side of caution.
Would you want your children to make friends with someone at school who had all these same family problems? I mean the suicide and drug use - I'd think not.
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Old September 18th, 2007, 12:56 PM
1dilwhosreal 1dilwhosreal is offline
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Re: An interesting development...

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Would you want your children to make friends with someone at school who had all these same family problems? I mean the suicide and drug use - I'd think not.
First, welcome to the forum!

I understand what you are saying, and I really appreciate your advice. I don't think the kids are in any danger; if I did, there wouldn't be a question. Unfortunately, when it gets right down to it, if I include the step-sibs as family (as I do their father), then my kids are the ones who have these family problems. They just don't know about it yet.

And I think that sums up the whole question for me. I can't answer if these are family. And I don't want to explain it yet.
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  #18  
Old September 18th, 2007, 01:53 PM
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Re: An interesting development...

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Would you want your children to make friends with someone at school who had all these same family problems? I mean the suicide and drug use - I'd think not.
I'd be more interested in knowing how they are handling it rather than having the problem. If this happened when I was growing up I wouldn't have been able to have any friends and I was a good kid. No kid belonged in my house when my DM was passed out behind the door so you couldn't open it up, not even me, but then again I never brought anyone home to witness this embarassment. Do you honestly think two boys visiting someone under supervision is going to expose them to the horrors of the real world? I don't.
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  #19  
Old September 20th, 2007, 04:26 AM
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Re: An interesting development...

I think the mail problen here is 1dilwhosreal doesn't know how she feels about these people herself and how she see's there role in her family if she atall she does. Once she has decided how they fit into her family if indeed they do then she will be able to make up her mind on how to handle things with her boys
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  #20  
Old September 24th, 2007, 05:27 AM
1dilwhosreal 1dilwhosreal is offline
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Re: An interesting development...an update

We (DH and I) took the kids to see their "cousin" yesterday. They were very excited to see him after all these years. He seems to be doing well, much better than he ever was.

DS did start to ask questions about how exactly we are connected, and I explained it to him. He's the one who decided that this boy was his cousin. But he didn't call the dad "uncle," just by his first name. Kids are just so much better than adults at this.

We are making plans to get together again in a few months. It seems that the father believes his son needs family around. Apparently, the discussion of who is related and how has come up often at his home, too.
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