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Old February 19th, 2016, 03:36 PM
Mironici Mironici is offline
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My mother in low uses my daughter to get my husband at her house

Hy everyone.
I do need some opinions and advises. I don't think I exaggerate but some opinions would help.
I'm married with my husband for 6 years. When I meet him he had no contact with his mother, just with his father. He told me that his family is strange and is sometimes better to have no contact at all. But I thought he is exaggerating and as I moved for him in a foreign country,would be nice to have a good relation with his family. So I asked him to meet them and in this way he started to have contact with his mother again. She than "used" me many times to have her son at her place, to come to us or to meet somewhere. She would call with the pretext she want to invite me for lunch at her place and after half an hour she would call again and tell me she have a brilliant idea, why not call my husband and tell him to pick me up after work from her place? She made this often because she knew that mostly like this can she see him, otherwise he won't go to her.
7 months into marriage, we had a ugly argument and I wanted to go to my parents who live in another country. My husband called them hoping they will make me change my mind and also because his father is a marriage counselor. Instead helping,they / she practical "throw" me out of the house... but with a cheap theater that they like me and it seemed our marriage was over? witch I understood when I come back home only. She played theater very well and that was just the beginning. I later found out that this family could really candidate for Oscar.I stopped contact with her till I got pregnant .When she heard the news, I could see it on her face she was not happy about pregnancy at all , but she pretend in front of us and some months after the birth of our daughter I stopped contact with her again and then my husband( not because of me but because she had offended him). We were in contact with his father who is also a player but mostly keeps his opinions for himself .One a half year ago I started to speak with her again, because I thought would be nice for my daughter to have contact with her grandma, her aunts and the 2 cousins she have. I even tried for many months to convince my husband to talk to her and forget old times but he didn't want.
Last somer I had big problems in my marriage and I even considered on having a divorce. It was the hardest time of my life and I was here practical alone. My MIL called me and invited me over because she have heard the story from my husbands father. She played again that she understand and even told me some stories with I didn't know from my husband past, she practical knew it was her sons fault for that specific situation. But she knew the low is saying I must stay in the apartment or he must pay for one for me and my daughter if I divorce and she advised me to go to abused woman shelter and then she asked me if I want to take my daughter in my country. I mean, she advised me practical in such a way that would be really convinient for her son. She wanted to get rid of me like she probably wished all those years. One week after this, they celebrate the birthday of my father in low and one niece but my daughter was not invited because invited was the ex wife of my husband ( they have no children together). We don't speak with each other because she disturbed a lot in the beginning of our marriage. I felt really bad when we found out from her that she have been there with entire family but my daughter was not even invited. I mean , ok, I understand that they don't like me but not to invite their niece but the ex wife of their son??? I must also say that each time my father in low was at us, I cooked , I invite him to come with us in different places, I organized evenings for him and my husband alone. I was nice with him and tried to make him feel comfortable at us. I even argue with my husband because my husband spoked to loud with his father and didn't agree on some subjects.
After this I simply didn't want to have anything to do with MIL and I tolerate my father in low for my daughter because she adores him and because of my husband.
The point is that my husband speaks now again with his mother and although he clearly told her that I'm upset with her and he can't just go to her in this conditions, she insist, and use all kind of pretext to have him and my daughter at her place. She use my daughter to make her son visit her. She knows he won't go alone. I told him he can visit her, is his mother , but my daughter is no puppet, she can't use her to have him. I'm pregnant now with high risk of preterm labor, I was in the hospital one week but she never asked how is the baby, not once. I mean, is ok not to ask about me but it hurts that she pretend the baby doesn't exist and what hurts most is that i'm sure after the birth she will play that she cares about him when in reality she doesn't! This situation upset me very much, I got today many contractions because of this. I simply don't like this human being and I don't want that she interfere again in my family, we had arguments because of her and she manipulate my husband against me.
I'm I exaggerating? Should I just pretend I don't feel hurt and angry toward her and allow that my daughter is visiting her where will also be the entire family? We don't have contact with the rest of the family, they don't care about my husband, didn't even congratulate him for our daughter, no anniversary wishes or Christmas , nothing!!
Thank you in advance for your advise or opinion.
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Old February 19th, 2016, 03:59 PM
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Mrs X Mrs X is offline
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Re: My mother in low uses my daughter to get my husband at her house

Hi Mironici, and welcome.

Congratulations on your pregnancy, wishing you all the best.

Sounds like you would all be better off with no contact with your MiL, she seems to be the source of most of your issues. She will offend your husband again, and he will want to cut contact. My suggestion would be to let that take it's course, and not get involved. Try to resist insisting that they make up, because that is what has got you into the current situation.
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Old February 19th, 2016, 04:58 PM
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KayKay KayKay is offline
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Re: My mother in low uses my daughter to get my husband at her house

I think your father in law and your mother in law have inserted themselves in your marriage far too much. Your husband should not be calling them to tell them about the problems the two of you are having.

You made a rookie mistake with your mother in law when you were first married by trying to open communications that had been shut down by your husband. I did the same thing, and it took years and years for me to disentangle myself from the middle of their relationship. I think you are right to tell him to have whatever relationship he wants, but leave you out of it. The same thing applies with your father in law. Do not involve yourself in the relationship between your husband and his dad. You should not argue with your husband because he and his father disagree on some subjects.

Stand your ground with your daughter not visiting your mother in law. You are exactly correct. She must not be used as a puppet. Your mother in law is a lot of drama, and you don't want your daughter having to deal with crazy at her young age.

Congratulations on your pregnancy and best wishes for the new baby! Your health is more important than anything at this point. Do not lose sight of that and if your husband wants to argue, just tell him "I'm not arguing because that's not good for the health of the baby."
Expecto Patronum!
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