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Old August 26th, 2008, 04:16 PM
Carrie Lyn Carrie Lyn is offline
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A Tribute To My DMIL...

Hi everyone! My name is Carrie Lyn...I am new to this forum...this is my first post. I am not here to vent or to tell you the story of my immediate family today...I am here to tell you a story about my MIL who passed on 17 years ago. First of all, I want you to know that I loved my MIL very much...in many ways, I was closer to my MIL than I was to my own Mom who passed on 27 years ago.

I was my MILS' DIL for 18 years. She was 42 when my DH (age 21) and I (age 20) got married. I showed my MIL (and FIL) respect from the very beginning...in no time at all, my respect grew into genuine love. While making wedding plans, I was acutely aware that, in order to be fair and to honor my DH, it was necessary to include my ILS in all of the plans along with my M & SF. I made sure both sides of the family were included in Wedding pictures, etc. I asked my MIL for advice. She even offered an expensive gold necklace for me to wear at our Wedding. Our Wedding was a beautiful Christian celebration...both sides of our families came together as one family.

I made a point to include DHS extended family in the Wedding as well. I also grew to love DHS extended family...especial DHS GM...she was like the Grandma I never had! She used to take my face in both hands, kiss me on both cheeks and tell me, "I love you like you were one of my own!" That memory still brings a smile to my face. She was such a sweetheart! She passed at 93; 13 years ago.

Back to my MIL...two years after my DH & I were married...about 6 months after the birth of our first S (we have a total of 4 sons), my DMIL came down with ovarian cancer. We were living in another state at the time...the news was devastating! (DMIL began the fight of her life which lasted 16 years.) One of the main reasons we moved back to our home state was because we wanted our children (we added another son while out of state) to know my Mom and my MIL...neither were doing well health-wise.

Once we returned, we welcomed interaction with my DHS parents and my own. Shortly after our return, my Mom had a massive stroke; spent 17 months in a semi-coma and sadly, passed on at age 69. From then on, my MIL took on the roll of "Mom" for me. She and FIL were invited to and involved in every celebration...Christmas, birthdays, Christian celebrations, amusement parks, movies...we often went to the ILS house for cookouts and dinners. My MIL babysat for our sons...we added two more by this time. She loved our boys and took good care of them. They loved going to her house. She would pick them up and take them to movies. I always felt so reassured to leave the boys with her...because I knew how much she loved them. She did all of this while going in and out of remission with her cancer every 5 years or so. I never remember my MIL complaining about her cancer...never a "why me?"...even though...when the cancer was active, my DMIL suffered horribly..one time she said, "we all have a cross to bear"...another time, she said, "I hope to see (SILS) baby born". (Sadly, my MIL didn't get to see the baby...she died in a February...the baby boy was born two months later in April.)

Anyway, continuing on with my story...my MIL called me almost every morning about 9:00 AM for years...just to ask how I, DH and GC were doing. We would have nice conversations. I looked forward to her calls. Even though I was the DIL, I felt very much loved by her. Once a week or so, my MIL would pick up lunchmeat & bakery and bring it to my house to have lunch with me...she knew it was hard for me to pack up the kids and go out. I looked forward to her visits and welcomed her. My MILS visits are part of my "happy memories" of her.

Once in awhile, my MIL and I had a misunderstanding...but it never lasted long...we would talk about it and it was over. Sometimes I never mentioned feeling hurt about something. I would just let it go. We were both human and sometimes we made mistakes...we did not hold things against each other. I think it was that way because there was such spirit of love between us. We would forgive (either openly or in our hearts) and go on.

Unfortunately, my MIL went out of remission for one last time. This time, the cancer spread rapidly throughout her body...she didn't have long to live...amazingly, I still never heard one word of complaint from my MIL...I do believe she was a Saint! I don't know how I could keep quiet if I suffered the way she did! I felt so bad for her...I wished so much for her to live...to continue to be a precious member of our family. Sadly, eight weeks later, my DMIL passed away. You know, up to about two weeks before she died, she was still calling me every morning or so...she would say, "Hi Kiddo...how are you doing?" I can't tell you how many times I would wait for that phone to ring after my MIL passed. I missed her terribly....my DH & SS missed her terribly...it is 17 years later...and I still miss my MIL so much. I think of her at every special occassion...wishing she could be with us...wishing she could see how her four grandsons whom she loved so much have grown and prospered. I wonder what it would be like if she were still here at 77 years old. I know that, had she lived, I would be taking the lunch to her! Or I would pick her up and take her out or bring her to my house. How I wish she never left us! I truly loved her...and I am grateful for the time we had with her.

Well, that is the end of my story about my MIL. In some ways, it is a sad ending and yet, I have no regrets...we had many happy times...there are many happy memories...while she was here, I treated her (& FIL who is still living...80 years young!) with love and respect. My MIL brought my DH into this world...for this reason she was and still is...a very special person!

Thanks so much for listening to my story...take care...Carrie Lyn
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Old August 26th, 2008, 04:33 PM
1dilwhosreal 1dilwhosreal is offline
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Re: A Tribute To My DMIL...

Thank you for sharing, Carrie Lyn. Your MIL sounds like a special woman.
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Old August 26th, 2008, 04:58 PM
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Re: A Tribute To My DMIL...

Oh, that is an awesome story, Carrie Lyn. It's refreshing to hear a happy story. Thanks for sharing.

My ex-MIL was an angel. She was a wonderful woman who was always there for me and my exDH. She helped with the wedding, and even went dress shopping with me, as my own mom was out of town. She never once interferred with our marital problems (and believe me, they were there and she had plenty of opportunities, too). My exDH was in the military and was gone for extended periods of time. During that time she always included me in family functions and holidays, even though her son wasn't around. She was warm and welcoming and made me feel like part of the family. I never had kids with my ex (good thing) but I know she would have made an excellent grandma and I know that she is today.

I've never had that kind of bond with my current MIL. I won't hijack your happy thread with my sorrows but will just say that I still hope and am trying for a positive relationship. I know that anything worth having is worth working for. Hopefully, she'll see it the same way.

Thanks for helping me relive a postive memory.
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Old August 26th, 2008, 05:18 PM
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Re: A Tribute To My DMIL...

My maternal GM was one of those wonderful MIL's, Carrie Lyn. Even 30 years after my M died, my D was close to her. In fact, she was so special that my SM was even close to her and would go visit whenever she was in town. All of my aunts (her DILs) adored her too. She was homebound for probably 20 years and had a constant parade of visitors because, like your MIL, she was such a joy to be around. She was a really great lady... a role model for me.

It is refreshing to hear the nice, strife-free stories of sweet, mutually satisfactory IL relationships. Thanks for sharing!
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Old August 26th, 2008, 05:28 PM
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Re: A Tribute To My DMIL...

Welcome, Carrie Lyn!

Your story was both lovely and sad. It sounds like you fit especially well together and your MIL displayed wonderful qualities that would have made her a true joy to know. Her positive attitude in all circumstances is a rare gift. And it sounds like she was a true blessing to you and you to her throughout her life.

Thanks for sharing such a special memory. Again, welcome!
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Old August 26th, 2008, 06:25 PM
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Re: A Tribute To My DMIL...

Carrie Lyn,

You mentioned you have four sons. They are grown now right? Did they marry? How do you think your and your MILs great example effected your sons expectations for their future families and your relationships with your own daughters in law, if your sons married?

I am just thinking about how good things can carry forward in families just as easily as negative ones and am wondering if this has been true from your experience.

Last edited by nonnymouse; August 26th, 2008 at 06:29 PM.
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Old August 27th, 2008, 05:39 AM
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Re: A Tribute To My DMIL...

Carrie Lynn -
Thanks - you had a gem

hopefully we all can be MILs like her (I just wish mine were like her )
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Old August 27th, 2008, 05:21 PM
Carrie Lyn Carrie Lyn is offline
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Re: A Tribute To My DMIL...

Thank you for asking about my family, Nonnymouse. Yes, I have four grown sons (the youngest, in college), a DIL and twin granddaughters who are almost 3 years old. Perhaps I will share more about my family at a later date. At this time, I just wanted you all to know that I had a wonderful MIL and that I miss her very much! Take care...Carrie Lyn
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Old August 27th, 2008, 06:01 PM
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Re: A Tribute To My DMIL...

See, it IS possible to have a healthy, giving and respectful realtionship between a MIL and DIL.

Thank you for your story and my condolences for losing such a special lady so early in life. I can only hope I can have that kind of beautiful interaction with my future SnILs and DIL.
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