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Other friendships Best friends, ex-friends, or any other friends

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Old August 30th, 2013, 06:10 PM
Mmccaw714 Mmccaw714 is offline
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Unhappy End of a friendship?

A bit of background on my friendship might help. I never really grew close to people all my life, but when I was 15 one of my friends died and it hit me very hard. After then I started to become a lot more attached to people. Especially my bestfriend. I absolutely idolised him. It seemed to me that I'd been missing out on this friendship all my life and I loved having a bestfriend to share everything with. As a guy, it's hard to find another guy to bond to such a degree with. But recently I've noticed how he never invites me anywhere, he never tells me much detail on stuff, when I tried to make plans he'd have so many excuses built up why he couldn't go. It was very frustrating but he always raised valid points that I could hardly argue with. Though he promised he'd invite me places more, one time and that was the end of that. All summer he barely spoke to me. So I started to wait and see how long it took for him to message me. Usually 3 days or so but in that time he'd been hanging out with his new friends round were he lives now. I brought this up and we argued and I decided maybe wed grown apart so just to end the friendship however when I tried to commit suicide he was the first person to show interest in me and was messaging me loads until about 2 weeks after when it just died again. I don't understand what the friendship is anymore. The more I think about it the more it seems it wasn't a proper friendship and when I messaged him again a big long message about how I thought I hated him and our friendship was never real, he merely replied "that was a big change of mind.". I don't want the friendship to end, but all my other friends think this is for the best as they felt neglected next to how much I loved and cared for him. It sounds so gay but he was my first best friend. I'm obviously very hurt by how it seems like he literally doesn't give a ****. I hate throwing away all the memories because I was so happy at the time. Should I just accept this and walk away? His girlfriend told me he does care but just doesn't like showing it. Am I expecting too much from him or what? So lost on this area!
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Old August 30th, 2013, 06:55 PM
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CRaZYTaNKeR CRaZYTaNKeR is offline
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Re: End of a friendship?

Maybe he has just changed since you first knew him. If he is treating you badly of course you shouldn't be friend's with him. There are always other people too be friends with. If he is not treating you how you would like him to treat you, find someone who shares and enjoys the same stuff as you.
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Old August 30th, 2013, 07:03 PM
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Re: End of a friendship?

people do change & grow apart -btdt

From what you posted it sounds as if he moved to another town... is that right?


Anyway - you can take a friendship "break", I've done that a few times. My sister & I had 2 BFFs when we were in highschool - if you saw one of us, you'd know the others were nearby

case #1
I had a best friend (BFF) who, well.... we agreeded to disagree & I didn't see that person for a few years. One day I saw him on the street, and by that time the things we'd disagreed about were no longer an issue. When I got married (the first time) he/BFF "gave me away".

case #2
My other BFF, well... we took a "break" and... BFF changed so much - into the opposite (fictional example: changed from teetotaler to an alcholic) - I never really got back together with that friend, and yeah it hurt .... but that friend was no longer the same person
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Old August 30th, 2013, 08:59 PM
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Re: End of a friendship?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mmccaw714 View Post
when I tried to commit suicide
Mmccaw, this is what concerns me the most. Have you sought help from a professional about this? There are people who care and people who can help.
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Old August 31st, 2013, 03:01 AM
Mmccaw714 Mmccaw714 is offline
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Re: End of a friendship?

Crazytanker - I never see it as treating me badly, more just ignoring me and putting in absolutely no effort. He always says "I don't put effort into anything though" to justify his argument.

Snafu - yea he moved further away however was close to me often when he went on trips with his other friends. I feel like I might be high maintaince sometimes! I think ill give the friendship break a go! Maybe one day well grow close again but I can't see that since he doesn't try.

KayKay - Yea, I'm on suicide watch but I've been analysed and I'm not crazy was merely overwhelmed with feeling hurt and like I'd lost another friend.
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Old August 31st, 2013, 07:19 AM
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Re: End of a friendship?

Oh Mmccaw, I didn't mean to imply you are crazy! I understand that suicide attempts frequently are the result of being overwhelmed. When I asked if you had sought professional help, I meant professional help dealing with the overwhelming feelings that brought you to that point. Did you ever talk to a counselor about losing your friend when you were 15?
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Old September 1st, 2013, 06:05 AM
Mmccaw714 Mmccaw714 is offline
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Re: End of a friendship?

Kay Kay - yea, I got counselling for a while
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Old September 1st, 2013, 10:54 AM
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Re: End of a friendship?



sometimes meds help - if needed - and I'm not saying they are ... are you able to go back to counciling, if needed?

(there is a difference between anti-depressants and mood stablizers)
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Old September 1st, 2013, 01:57 PM
Mmccaw714 Mmccaw714 is offline
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Re: End of a friendship?

Snafu - I've been offered counselling but I don't need it, wouldn't take mess either. Believe me if you knew me you'd see what a bubbly person I am. But this is a completely off topic! Still not sure what to do with my friend.
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Old September 1st, 2013, 02:10 PM
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Re: End of a friendship?

eah .... I reread your orginal post, forget about the meds/counciling suggestions - I'd pull back .... he was your friend, just downgraded/became more of a casual acquaintance .... take a "break" and see what happens
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