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Old September 28th, 2017, 02:26 PM
frustratedmum frustratedmum is offline
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Daughter blames me for all her difficulties

Very frustrated after yet another row with my adult daughter aged 22 who has just moved home again after 3 years at Uni where she pulled out of degree after doing year 1 twice, due she says to OCD.

Today again she says its all my fault, she always had it and I failed as a mother to get her the help she needed. I didnt get therapy as a child as I saw her behaviours as quite normal childhood things such as following me around when we moved house when she was 7. She was worried by new environment and that is normal isn't it? I was anxious too!! We quickly solved it by me leaving room for 1 minute building to 10 and in 1 afternoon- problem all solved. Then there was I wont eat off of plates washed in dishwasher phase. I noticed it was a great way of getting attention at the dinner table and chose to not reward such behaviour. She said my approach just led her to moving from one thing to next. What I saw from a young age was a headstrong, inflexible, creative, funny, determined, rigid child who liked her own way or had a tantrum. At 22, I see the same. She has had no actual OCD diagnosis and refused to see 2 therapists I found as "they're all incompetent and don't know what they're talking about". I apparently, fall into the same category or insane idiot who has no idea what she (daughter)is going through.

The rows now are due to her habits which I think are a distraction from getting a job and a life. She yet again got up today at 3pm, took ownership of the kitchen and flooded the floor cleaning it yet again. She then bleached to the point my eyes were watering and destroyed the paintwork on something I love. I have asked her 4 times now not to flood the floors in kitchen and bathroom as they are a slipping hazard to me and her brother. I told her if she has to clean them, do them in evening when we have finished for day in kitchen. I have asked her not to use bleach as its too harsh, makes me choke and all ours and visitors clothes are constantly getting destroyed with bleach. The smell is just dreadful and as I work at home there is no escaping it. She just ignores me and does it again and again and says "I cant help it, I have OCD and its all your fault", "you're just insane and not normal- normal people bleach and scrub their floors all the time- you're dirty" and her favourite "you're the selfish cow who just likes it all your own way- why can't I do it my way?".

I swing between guilt and anger. Guild because I worry I failed her although I also know I worked hard to give her and her brother everything I could. I tried to make sure we had a good fun life and to make them both feel safe. So when I'm not feeling guilty, I feel angry and want her to clear off and make her own way then and stop living off me with no contribution and playing the victim. I want to ask her what she plans to do about her "terrible affliction" and why now she's an adult hasn't she taken the steps I didn't. Maybe I am a complete ***** of a mother or maybe I am being emotionally blackmailed. What do you think? Ultimately its heartbreaking realising she has no coping tools and that has to be my fault I think.
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