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  #21  
Old January 28th, 2008, 05:45 PM
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Re: Update on visiting the GP...

Hi nonnymouse!

First, I wanted to thank you for your advice and insights, you are right, without the suffering, there would be no enlightenment!

Ah, the Baptism....well, SIL burst into tears when she saw my family (DH, DC and myself) enter the church and she sent me a "thank you so much for coming" look. When the ceremony ended, FIL came up to my DD#2 (who is four) and she point blank asked "Why are you and Daddy mad at each other?" I could have stopped her but hey, the kid has a right to ask. FIL tried to insist that no, they weren't mad at each other, and my DD insisted that, "Yes, you are" and FIL then asked her, "Who told you that?" and she responded, "Mommy."

He then tells her, "Well, Mommy shouldn't have told you that. " and so my DD#2 looks at me and she says, "Mommy, look, here's Grandpa!". To which I look right at him and say, "Yes sweetheart, I see him," and I continue to stare at him, waiting for him to acknowledge me. FIL looks away (many an interested spectator surrounding us by the way!) But, my youngest DD#3 is in my arms and is just miserable with a cold and starts getting all squirmy and irritable and I watch DD#2 bolt off to my MIL who was motioning her over to her all this time. DH sees this (he was enlisted to do video-work for my SIL and was standing a ways off so didn't over hear the conversation between FIL and DD#2) and calmly walks over and takes DD#2's hand and pulls her away from his mom, saying, "Come on sweetie, time to go." And if his father could have killed him with a look, he would have.

So, it could have been worse, it could have been better. The kids were fine and as for SIL, when I approached her at the end of the ceremony to congratulate her, she burst into tears again and held on to me and would not let go for quite a while. No words, no nothing, and honestly, I cried too.

But, then it was over and we went on to the reception and made it through the rest of the afternoon. FIL's side of the family know there are problems and MIL's side of the family does not (except for the ones at the church that had front row seats to the exchange between DD#2 and FIL and me.)

DH is an absolute wreck, just in tears non-stop since last night, really unable to go forward because of his father. I have been trying to convince him to speak to his Dad one-on-one, to at least resolve some issues, but DH feels he is much too vulnerable right now. It looks like we crossed the line when it came to the kids no longer visiting the PILs - absolutley unforgivable in their eyes - but I am secure in the knowledge that this was of their own making. My conscience is clear, I have been more than fair.

So, that's it, no visiting for the PIL by our kids, only upwards and onwards from here. I can only support my DH and watch apprehensively for the next move from the IL's.

Last edited by latelearner; January 28th, 2008 at 05:50 PM. Reason: too many spelling errors!!!
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  #22  
Old January 28th, 2008, 06:34 PM
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Thumbs up Re: Update on visiting the GP...

latelearner (((hugs))) to you both- I'm proud of you for trying to allow your DC to have a relationship with the (evil) ILs, but I'm just as proud of you for doing what is in your children's best interest when it comes to thier GPs.
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  #23  
Old February 24th, 2008, 09:37 AM
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Re: Update on visiting the GP...

How's it going latelearner? I hope no posts means all is quiet. Been thinking of you.
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  #24  
Old February 24th, 2008, 08:30 PM
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Re: Update on visiting the GP...

Hi HeathenHoney and everyone...

DH did try to speak to his dad one on one about THEIR relationship, but MIL would not leave them alone and frankly, FIL wanted her there as probably a preventative force in that regard (coward).

PIL tried to keep the conversation geared towards only specifics about who was at fault for the blow-up between DH and his mom, and waxed poetic about how everyone needs to own up to their part in this. DH tried one more time during this conversation to speak to his dad ONLY about how this was affecting the two of them, but he was getting nowhere, MIL refused to leave them alone.

I should never have pushed DH to speak to his dad, I gave my FIL way too much credit, thinking that he would welcome the chance to speak to his son about their relationship. FIL truly is just another lackey for MIL and DH is slowly coming to terms with seeing his dad as simply a husband too afraid of his wife. FIL is a hero no more in DH's eyes, and it's so sad.

PIL tried to get DH to let them see the kids by going by his office on the pretense of being there to see BIL, but DH shot them down the both times they tried in the space of a week (they were preparing to leave down south so they were getting desparate). MIL yelled, "How long are you planning to punish me?!" and DH told her it wasn't about punishing HER, it was about accountability for one's actions. SHE needed to apologize and until then, DH had no more to say about it. PIL told DH that they would never have been so cruel as to hold back their own children (DH and his siblings) from seeing their parents (GPIL), no matter how angry they were with them, but DH responded that he had no memory of his GP making him cry the way PIL did to our children, not just once, but twice. That shut them up.

For now.

Presently, PIL are in the Carribean at their condo until just before Easter so that explains my silence recently. FIL told my DH that when they get back, everyone should sit down with a list of grievances to "get past this" but DH won't have it and told his dad as much. MIL needs to apologize, period. I am very proud of DH, but very concerned for him too. I think that once the PIL get back from their vacation (SIL and BIL are there too if you can believe it!), they will ALL come after us with guns blazing. Then I think we will be truly put to the test.

Thanks for thinking of me and my family, all your support has been so needed and appreciated.
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  #25  
Old February 25th, 2008, 07:32 AM
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Re: Update on visiting the GP...

Well, glad to hear you've had some peace, even if it's only temporary. Who knows, maybe they will be lucky and keep stonewalling you. Thanls for the update.
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  #26  
Old February 26th, 2008, 01:42 PM
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Re: Update on visiting the GP...

Yay for your DH! You might have some tough times ahead if the ILs all step it up a notch when they get back, but with a DH like this, you have all you need to get through it. In the meantime, enjoy the peace & quiet!
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  #27  
Old February 26th, 2008, 07:21 PM
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Re: Update on visiting the GP...

Thank you for the warm thoughts and believe me, DH has been wonderful. Good for him, I agree with all of you. And YES, the reprieve is fantastic. I am enjoying myself.
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