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  #11  
Old September 27th, 2013, 07:25 PM
campfirefly campfirefly is offline
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Re: After six years, he tells me he is not divorced...

Snafu,

Thank you! I need them :-)
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  #12  
Old September 30th, 2013, 08:11 AM
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Re: After six years, he tells me he is not divorced...

I pondered this situation a little by trying to put myself in his place.

Profile... He wasn't getting any hits with "separated" so he went to the single/divorced side. He probably lied on his discription somewhere too. He wasn't happy with his marraige for whatever reason so he decided to "play" games with real women on some dating site. He probably had several profiles on several sites. Women want committment in a relationship. Men, who are on the prowl, usually want a relationship - something reasonably steady.

He found campfirefly who was looking for a relationship. His lie worked, he got you and he wanted to keep you. You didn't dig so his lie was working like a dream. Why bother to ruin the lie - it's working. He has plenty of benefits by keeping things as they are. His "ex" doesn't care one way or the other - she has her own relationship going and couldn't care less what her "ex" does.

Why don't either divorce the other? That's beyond my comprehension. The man's a worm and so is his ex. Little to no moral character.

I'm sorry for your dilemma and your life with this guy. Men like him put a burden on decent men who are honest and sincere. And, unfortunately, the decent men have to suffer the distrust of women who have been hurt and damaged emotionally by scabs like your boyfriend.

Some wounds are deep and take forever to heal.
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  #13  
Old October 9th, 2013, 03:32 PM
campfirefly campfirefly is offline
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Re: After six years, he tells me he is not divorced...

Knot2loud - thank you so much for your reply. You nailed it. It did work while I was in the dark. But now that I know I've been snowed (a hard knock for a detailed orientated control freak like myself), I am having a very hard time taking on the new role of "mistress." And why? "Mistress" is such a sexy word, but it is so not me. There are three boys involved. My job as a parent is to keep my son out of harms way...failed. And his boys? Well, frankly, right now I am concerned about my side. We went to an accountant to find out the tax implications of me putting a lean on his house. Frankly, I don't care about his tax implications either. I was snowed into improving his property. Funny, I just found a document (not snooping, it's in the open) stating that the US Justice Department is hitting him for not having his WIFE sign the mortgage papers when he refinanced with my added equity. Good. I'm sorry, I'm ranting.

I cannot imagine finding out the opposite, that he was cheating on me. Or, worse, there is a child resulting. This is enough.

Right now, I'm in the "follow the money" phase. We are living in "harmony." My son knows I have been lied to and that I am trying to decide what to do, but as far as I know the boys don't know the truth...does that make me just as bad? In my book, yes. My values are being tested in a big way.
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  #14  
Old October 10th, 2013, 06:18 AM
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Re: After six years, he tells me he is not divorced...

Placing a lein on his house wouldn't be a bad idea if you wanted to recoup some or all of your investment. Seems he refinanced the house rather fradulantly by not getting his ex's signature. Personally, I'm not certain how he managed it. Just skimming the top of that situation sounds like it could be a real can of worms. Get your paperwork regarding your expenditures on the refinance together and see what you can do. I think a consultation with a lawyer would be a good idea in the matter of the house.

Regarding him... Whatever you decide I wish you the best.
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  #15  
Old October 10th, 2013, 04:52 PM
campfirefly campfirefly is offline
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Re: After six years, he tells me he is not divorced...

Thank you :-)
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  #16  
Old October 14th, 2013, 08:36 AM
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Re: After six years, he tells me he is not divorced...

(((hugs))) from me, too.

I wish I had some encouraging words of wisdom to share. But my wounds from my ick marriage, are too fresh. Divorced after 29 years of living a LIE

Right now I hate them all (men). None are to be trusted, EVER. Is there a stronger word than hate?

See?

Hope there is an amicable outcome that remains sane for all concerned. I am hating him for you this moment, if that helps
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  #17  
Old October 14th, 2013, 10:30 AM
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LucyVanPelt LucyVanPelt is offline
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Re: After six years, he tells me he is not divorced...

Quote:
Originally Posted by JemStar View Post
Right now I hate them all (men). None are to be trusted, EVER. Is there a stronger word than hate?
Yes. Disinterested. Absolutely not caring one way or the other.
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  #18  
Old October 14th, 2013, 11:04 AM
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Re: After six years, he tells me he is not divorced...

Quote:
Originally Posted by LucyVanPelt View Post
Yes. Disinterested. Absolutely not caring one way or the other.

'sworkin for me Those steps one must go through -

denial
disbelief
anger
more anger
depression
sadness
acceptance

Some get stuck at more anger for a bit.
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  #19  
Old October 14th, 2013, 12:19 PM
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Re: After six years, he tells me he is not divorced...

Yep, the stages of grief.

But when you get past acceptance to disinterest, that kills them because they are sure you'd love them --or hate them, thereby proving you still love them--forever.
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  #20  
Old October 14th, 2013, 04:45 PM
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snafu snafu is offline
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Re: After six years, he tells me he is not divorced...

hey - it took me 5 years after ex & I split/divorced before I started dating again.

Take the time you need to heal (I also had a 3 date rule - no more than three dates with a guy that way no one gets hurt/too atached. I broke that rule for now DH)
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