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Old September 2nd, 2017, 06:58 AM
summeron summeron is offline
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Parents Money and brother

Had a rough relationship growing up with my parents. 12 years ago I stopped talking to my parents (at age 24). My brother who was always on very good terms with my parents has continued having a good relationship with them. I stopped talking to him too back then, 12 years ago.

Last year I decided to contact my brother. Even though I always felt a little bitter that he didn't stand up for me more against our parents I felt that if I was ever going to get to know him and his children the time was now. We've become good friends and I now know his family (wife and two children).

My father owns a real estate business and my folks also own some private property. A few days ago in a telephone conversation with my brother, at the end of the conversation, he said there was something he had been meaning to talk to me about but didn't know how to bring up. He told me that my father had transferred 70 % of the real estate business to him (my brother) and that he saw income from that now. I mean I realized that he was getting money somehow since he recently quit his job and now only works two days of the week, has a wife who doesn't work, has two spoiled kids, can afford two cars and recently built his family a new house in a nice area of the city.

My brother said that the betrayal would have been worse if he had never said anything to me, that he felt real sad about this as this affects his relationship with me as well as with his (our) parents.

I can't blame him for taking the money and I'm grateful he told me and I think it's beautiful that he feels bad about this whole thing. Though thinking about this a few days now I can't help to think that this will indeed affect our relationship. I have a job and a decent salary. I'm nowhere near rich. I rent my apartment and I have an old car. My brother tells me that our father says that there is money put away for me (for the day when they die) but he won't talk about it and he's apparently not prepared to let me have any of it or any interest from the capital. Well, right now I'm just sad about all of this. This money would mean that I would be able to live a different life. I would be able to buy myself a nice house, things I want but can't afford and I probably wouldnt have to worry about money again. I'm 36 years old and I am now in a time in my life when I need that money. It's very frustrating to know that if I ever get any money it will be maybe when I'm in my 60s (and also it won't be what my brother got since he's seeing returns from the real estate business now). My brother has gotten the idea that there is money in an account reserved for me but I sort of doubt that that kind of money is put away in an account, seems unlikely to me.

I can't help to think: My brother can solve this for both of us. He can give me half of what he got, right here and right now.

I suspect his wife wouldn't be too much into that. Also he has kids and I suppose he has to think about them as well, even though I think there's probably enough for all of us.

By the way, inheritence law where I live dictate that children must inherit no less than 50 % of the estate. In this case that means that I as one child of two am legaly entitled to 25 % of the estate (my father can will 75 % to one child and 25 % to the other if he would want to.)

The irony of this is, my father is a lawyer specialized in inheritence law. Growing up I always heard him talk about how many times he had seen families torn apart because of money coming between parents and their children, and between siblings at inheritence time. Indeed my own father was disowned (as the only child!) but managed to reach a settlement with my grandmother (30 years ago).
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Old September 2nd, 2017, 07:30 AM
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LucyVanPelt LucyVanPelt is offline
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Re: Parents Money and brother

This is going to sound mean, and I'm sorry that I can't think of a more tactful way to say this.

If money affects your relationship with your brother, then it will be because of your jealousy over their money. That's sad. That money isn't yours. Regardless of inheritance laws, you're not entitled to it: you didn't earn it, your parents did. They have a right to distribute it as they please.

The fact that they saved something for you even though you cut them off (I'm not judging that because there may be very good reason) says something about their hope for the future, even after their death. Re-establishing some relationship just to get money doesn't seem very honorable.

Your brother owes you nothing and it's not his responsibility to solve this for you at all. His family should come first and he shouldn't have to share what he receives just because you want it.

Forget about the money. The greed and jealousy will destroy you. The real riches of life are in relationships, experience, hard work, and jobs well done. Don't let the temptation of easy money corrupt that for you.

Last edited by LucyVanPelt; September 2nd, 2017 at 08:47 AM.
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Old September 2nd, 2017, 03:00 PM
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KayKay KayKay is offline
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Re: Parents Money and brother

Quote:
Originally Posted by summeron View Post
The irony of this is, my father is a lawyer specialized in inheritence law. Growing up I always heard him talk about how many times he had seen families torn apart because of money coming between parents and their children, and between siblings at inheritence time. Indeed my own father was disowned (as the only child!) but managed to reach a settlement with my grandmother (30 years ago).
Welcome, summeron.

If your father is a lawyer specializing in inheritance law and has seen families torn apart, my guess is that he has chosen the wisest path to prevent that. He will have followed the letter of the law and made an airtight will expressing his wishes. Think of it this way -- it is his final way of communicating with you if you have cut him off.

As far as your brother and the real estate business, you have to think about what a family business entails. Your father has probably spent the last 12 years training your brother in how to run it, and your brother has earned your father's trust. Family businesses usually have a succession plan -- how the business will continue after the retirement or death of the founder. Please don't take this as any judgment of you on my part, but your father made a business decision to turn over the business to the child he thought most likely to continue it successfully. My father had built a business before his death, which he turned over to my sister. It was the right decision, as my other siblings and I weren't qualified to run it.

I know this isn't a source of comfort for you, and for that I am sorry. Maybe this will help -- if you had realized 12 years ago when you stopped speaking to your parents that you would have to live without the money, would you still choose to stop speaking to them? Just an fyi - I have two siblings I don't speak to so I understand the choice to do that. Whatever the reason you chose to remove them from your life (dignity, self-care, whatever), isn't that more important than money?

Consider your father's money as shackles you freed yourself from.
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Old September 5th, 2017, 09:38 AM
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Re: Parents Money and brother

Life's to short to hold grudges or be bitter. I don't know what caused this 12 year rift in your relationship with your family, but that's a long time to go without any contact with them. So now you reach out to your brother, he has 70% of your fathers business. Your father set aside a certain amount of money for you when they die. That's actually pretty generous of him to do that for you as you stated yourself that YOU were the one who cut off contact.

Personally, I think your reaction to this is selfish. Do you think you really deserve anything at this point in time? One or both of your parents could have passed away sometime during those 12 years and you would not have even known it. Your only brother could have died or his wife or one of his kids. Why did you even call your brother?

I think you have mental issues and should see a psychologist.

Just for grins... I'm willing to bet your mother and father still love you. Same for your brother.
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Old October 11th, 2017, 04:05 AM
KyleCo KyleCo is offline
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Re: Parents Money and brother

1) Your parents earned the money so they have the right to give it to anyone they please
2) Since you haven't spoken to them for 12 years, it'll be very rude to start talking to them now about the money.

Only thing you can do is focus on your work, start talking to your parents, normally. Do not bring the property topic into the discussion at least for a year. Wait, and you'll find out if you get anything or not.
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