Go Back   Friends and Family Forum > The Family Forum > All Grown Up

All Grown Up A place to discuss "adult" children.

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #11  
Old September 14th, 2008, 05:29 PM
nonnymouse's Avatar
nonnymouse nonnymouse is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: West Coast, USA
Posts: 1,032
nonnymouse will become famous soon enough
Re: Encouraging Parents to Put Final Wishes in Writing

Thank you all for the advice, words and listening. I haven't really known what to say about this so have just left it for a while.

My mom told me they still have not discussed her concerns specifically. She hasn't brought it up and he is obviously not a mind-reader.

He has said recently that he wants to arrange it so that whoever goes first the other will be able to keep the property. They are in the process of fixing up their house to sell and he has been working hard at that inspite of the injury. She is rightly concerned that he not over do it, and he has been.

He is a good guy though and I was relieved to hear that he is thinking in the right direction on his own. They did have the land in a trust (living trust? I am not sure) but the parties died and so the trust was broken. I am not sure how SD plans on handling it now. I can't do anything about their communication issues or their final plans.

I have been working harder on getting DHs and my own affairs in order though so maybe I will make a point by setting a good example (if I can figure everything out).

I've been reading up on the requirements for our state. Did a draft of a will for myself and am trying to make a record of our valuables which we have been needing to do for our insurance anyway.

I watched a PBS show from someone named Ed Slott on Friday. Anyone read his work? He talks a lot about how to keep your money/estate from being lost to taxes. And he has a lot to say about the beneficiary form (for insurance) and the importance of paying attention to who you have listed and having secondary people named etc. I wanted to ask for oppinions about his approach here before I buy the book. (Borrowing from the library is on my to do list but if it is good enoug ht okeep we'll buy it.) Any opinions?
Reply With Quote
  #12  
Old September 15th, 2008, 12:00 PM
1dilwhosreal 1dilwhosreal is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: North East
Posts: 2,068
1dilwhosreal will become famous soon enough
Re: Encouraging Parents to Put Final Wishes in Writing

The only think I know about life insurance is that we own each other's policies so we don't inherit the money. (I don't know why-- where's the Smartfisherman when you need him?)

I should probably do a will myself.

Let us know what you learn, please.
Reply With Quote
  #13  
Old September 15th, 2008, 01:48 PM
snafu's Avatar
snafu snafu is offline
future crazy cat lady
 
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Mid-west
Posts: 9,866
snafu has a reputation beyond reputesnafu has a reputation beyond reputesnafu has a reputation beyond reputesnafu has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Encouraging Parents to Put Final Wishes in Writing

Quote:
Originally Posted by 1dilwhosreal View Post
.... life insurance .... we own each other's policies so we don't inherit the money.


who "we" don't inherit the $$$?

do you mean you own your DH's so that if he dies YOU inherit, not him (& vice versa)
Reply With Quote
  #14  
Old September 15th, 2008, 01:56 PM
nonnymouse's Avatar
nonnymouse nonnymouse is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: West Coast, USA
Posts: 1,032
nonnymouse will become famous soon enough
Re: Encouraging Parents to Put Final Wishes in Writing

Quote:
Originally Posted by 1dilwhosreal View Post
The only think I know about life insurance is that we own each other's policies so we don't inherit the money. (I don't know why-- where's the Smartfisherman when you need him?)

I should probably do a will myself.

Let us know what you learn, please.
Will do. It might be a bit before I figure out anything concrete. My hands are a bit full here.

There is so much info. it feels pretty overwhelming sometimes. If I run into useful (not overwhelming) sites I'll post the links.

If anyone already has some feel free to let us know.
Reply With Quote
  #15  
Old September 15th, 2008, 04:16 PM
KayKay's Avatar
KayKay KayKay is offline
Moderator
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Texas
Posts: 16,171
KayKay has a reputation beyond reputeKayKay has a reputation beyond reputeKayKay has a reputation beyond reputeKayKay has a reputation beyond reputeKayKay has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Encouraging Parents to Put Final Wishes in Writing

I'm confooosed... what are we talking about? Life insurance? You want to learn about life insurance?

http://www.iii.org/individuals/life/

Also, I listen to Dave Ramsey on the radio as often as I can (don't know if you know who he is). He also has an interesting read about life insurance (that I happen to agree with, but I'm biased).

http://www.daveramsey.com/the_truth_..._3481.html.cfm

Maybe that'll get you started.

As far as wills, that's not all you need. DH and I had our wills updated last year, but we've gotten to a point where we felt we needed to hire a lawyer to make sure it was done right. It didn't come cheap, but if I had it to do all over again, I'd hire him again. He made it very easy... basically all we had to do was sit in his office and answer some questions, and badda bing badda boom... we're set.

We received a binder with:
1) DH will
2) My will
3) DH Directive to Physicians
4) My Directive to Physicians
5) DH Medical Power of Attorney
6) My Medical Power of Attorney
7) DH Statutory Durable Power of Attorney
8) My Statutory Durable Power of Attorney
9) DH Authorization for Disclosure of Protected Health Information
10)My Authorization for Disclosure of Protected Health Information

Keep in mind that I'm not a lawyer, nor do I play one on TV. This isn't legal advice... this is just telling you what our lawyer did for us. Dave Ramsey advertises for a company called USLegalForms.com on his radio show. Maybe check out that website and see if they have cheap, downloadable forms.
__________________
Expecto Patronum!
Reply With Quote
  #16  
Old September 15th, 2008, 05:15 PM
nonnymouse's Avatar
nonnymouse nonnymouse is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: West Coast, USA
Posts: 1,032
nonnymouse will become famous soon enough
Re: Encouraging Parents to Put Final Wishes in Writing

Sorry about the confusion, KayKay. And thank you for the links.

DH and I assumed that because we are married if one of us is seriously ill the other will be able, legally to make all the decisions. We assumed also that if one of us dies early the other automatically gets all assets & kids and can expect the life insurance to pay out to them to help care for the kids. It is an assumption that might be wrong though. So I am looking into it.

I'm am wanting my mom and her husband to sort out their affairs and put it all down in writing and DH and I have not done it yet either. Our situation is much less complicated (no land/ no other children or earlier marriages) but I still need us to take care of our business too even though it is not easy to think about.

If something happened to both DH and I who would care for the kids? We need to decide and put down what we would like to have happen as a guideline even if it is never needed.

I need to know what DH would like in terms of care in the event he is ever seriously ill. Even if we don't do a directive. I still need to know, kwim?

DH is happy that I am looking into it and have done the draft of the will (for me) and am recording the other things for the insurance. He doesn't have the time or energy frankly and the more I can do that he can just sign off on the better...that is the impression I am getting.

Doing the lists of stuff with photos for the insurance has been on his todo list for 6 years. He will be happy to check it off and send it in when I am done.
Reply With Quote
  #17  
Old September 15th, 2008, 05:43 PM
grubby's Avatar
grubby grubby is offline
Moderator
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: In the middle of nowhere
Posts: 1,769
grubby will become famous soon enough
Re: Encouraging Parents to Put Final Wishes in Writing

I don't know much (fisherman,where are you?) but what I do know is from being the personal representative for my mom and from my bio-dad's estate and my grandmothers (all passed in 2006).

As for life insurance, in both mom and bio-dad's case, neither surviving spouse had to pay taxes on the life insurance. As for mom's "inheritance" to my stepdad (her surviving spouse) there was none (but don't ask me why). My sisters and I paid a tax that I chose dispersed before releasing the actual inheritance.
__________________
I'm a guppy, you're a guppy, wouldn't you like to be a guppy too?!!! Guppies are cute!!!

I was a much better parent... before I had kids!
Reply With Quote
  #18  
Old September 15th, 2008, 05:46 PM
Beth's Avatar
Beth Beth is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Southern California
Posts: 1,257
Beth will become famous soon enough
Re: Encouraging Parents to Put Final Wishes in Writing

I would only like to add a caution. If you can find a site where you can check to see if your attorney is a current member in good standing without disciplinary measures taken against him, I suggest you find it.

A member of our family had major problems with their attorney. They did not tell them that they had lost their right to practice law due to illegal use of funds and also handled their trust inappropriately. This is the worst nightmare of things to happen. So many things had to be redone. Unsure of what the outcome will be now. Fixing is very hard to do.

I have access to the California State Bar to check on attorneys, but you would need to find yours for your state and or country.

This attorney caused great hardship. It has been 5 years now since he was disciplined for what he did and is now about to begin his practice again under probation.

So please check with your equivalent of the State Bar Association to ensure your attorney is licensed and in good standing. You should be able to find out if they have been disciplined.

Trusts and Wills are only as good as the attorneys who do them. Find someone experienced and well-respected.
Reply With Quote
  #19  
Old January 7th, 2010, 11:13 AM
MissingOut's Avatar
MissingOut MissingOut is offline
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 8
MissingOut is on a distinguished road
Re: Encouraging Parents to Put Final Wishes in Writing

May I make a suggestion? If your parents don't want to see an attorney to do their will, perhaps you can question them on a tape recorder as to how they want to have their belongings divided and then type it up. Maybe if it's "done," they'll agree to visit the attorney... or at least make any corrections they want. If you have something, it's better than nothing.

In my case, my Mom died with only a letter as to her wishes, but I was executor for my Dad and convinced him to see an attorney after I wrote everything down he'd told me. It makes a difference.

Good luck.
Reply With Quote
  #20  
Old February 10th, 2010, 06:27 PM
snafu's Avatar
snafu snafu is offline
future crazy cat lady
 
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Mid-west
Posts: 9,866
snafu has a reputation beyond reputesnafu has a reputation beyond reputesnafu has a reputation beyond reputesnafu has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Encouraging Parents to Put Final Wishes in Writing

I've recently learned that IF you want certain things at your funeral/wake - make sure more than one person knows. In addition, provide copies, etc so that no one will have to try to figure out where to get things when they are greiving.

MY DM is upset that she didn't remember, until actually at the funeral, that her DSis had wanted a certain verse read. Needless to say it didn't happen - DM couldn't remember what is was.
Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump


All times are GMT -7. The time now is 05:12 PM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.7.3
Copyright ©2000 - 2018, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Copyright 2007, The BlueSparks Network