Friends who need help

[LucyVanPelt]

I have friends that I've known for 30+ years. Yesterday, one sent out a text saying she was in the ER with heart attack symptoms. She was alone and afraid. I was the friend available to go, so I went.

I was with her for about 3 hours. Her mother called her twice, but she said they wouldn't come to the hospital until she got the results of her tests back. I drove through rush hour traffic to get there so her daughter would not be alone in the ER. She was right there in town, with no real reason not to go.

She was admitted so I told her to let her mother know, and then she came to the hospital. When her parents got there, I left.

I feel very sorry for my friend because she had to call her friends. I was taught that you never leave a loved on alone in the ER. What would you have done?

[Knot2loud]

I've never been in a situation like yours, but if it ever did happen... I would go. People reach out for a reason. What you did was very noble. You showed a friend that you really cared. She will remember that.

[KayKay]

You know, I hate to be callous, but it really depends on the friend.

If it were one of my kids, I'd go immediately without question. Most of my friends, I'd think it was weird that they were calling ME, but I'd go. However, I have some friends I'd think "Oh, here we go AGAIN...." and I wouldn't go. I know people who are hypochondriacs, I know people who have good insurance and like attention and drama.

I hope your friend is okay, Lucy. I'm glad you went; it was a tremendous kindness. She has no one else? No spouse/children?

[LucyVanPelt]

No, KayKay, she never married or had children. She has a large family, but they wouldn't come to the hospital to be with her.

And I know what you mean about the hypochondriacs. If this were a regular thing, I wouldn't go.

Thanks, Knot! I keep thinking of the old saying, "To have a good friend, you must be a good friend."

[KayKay]

Originally Posted by LucyVanPelt

they wouldn't come to the hospital to be with her.

Any idea why?

[LucyVanPelt]

She said, "They don't like hospitals much."

[Knot2loud]

Don't like hospitals much... Maybe they should try a field hospital in the middle of no-stinking-where that is full of almost dead soldiers. They probably wouldn't think twice about walking into a "normal" hospital.

I've heard that line before. I just let it pass.

Hypochondriacs... LOL I've known a couple. They crack me up. I like listening to them. They're pretty adept at knowing the symptoms of whatever malady or disease they think they have. Heck, they'll probably outlive everyone on the planet. Even bugs.

[JemStar]

Lucy, did she ask you to come be with her? Do you know if she even contacted anyone else?
We all have that stuff going on in life - that causes people to guess/wonder

Perhaps there is a strained relationship within the family.

I pretty much have no contact with the majority of sibs. Since my parents were raging alcoholics, the last thing I would ever do is have them get in a car... but recently I did call a sister - we barely have any contact. I thought aneurysm.
I could not stand or walk without extreme dizzy. Couldn't even sit! OR, a middle ear/infection? I called sis. She lives maybe 2 miles away. The dx was vertigo. "ok doc, wait - could it be the sinus thing I have had for a month?" Never checked that. EKG said I am fit as a whatever, was handed a script for vertigo and sent on my way - still dizzy. Still feeling sick. I researched sinus infection which I did have, that seemed to have moved to become an abcess in my gum line on same side of face! Painful!! Put myself on amoxicillin and tons of microbiome stuff. The pain is gone. No fever. No dizzy. (No reason to have drains, a slew of vacks, surgery, etc.)

She may not even be hypochondrial-ish. As for Not liking hospitals - that is ME. Or doctors, etc. I am on that FORCED medical care or I will be FINED. I have spent MUCH--ALOT-- of time and MONEY to take care of myself: diet/exercise/sleep/relaxation/supps...to have it all come undone with their brand of pharmaceutical care? Mmmm, nope! Unless I am unconscious, and well I will get what I get.

( I understand I might need this plan for the what ifs, but staying healthy has become a real thing for me. I have eyes checked - dental check ups. ANd I do understand that people need to see many doctors. Fine. Ok. I might too, if I do start a bleed in the head or whatever. I do NOT abuse the system. I needed it for a ONCE in a lifetime kidney stone in 2014. I am cautious with diet and hydration and even supplement. I take my bp, basic blood panel and stay on top of what my body is telling me.)



You are a GREAT friend, Lucy.


I was once the go to ER driver for the family, pets, too. Just because I wanted to. Your friend may have the beginning a a depressive episode. Lonely. I am not sure.

Did she share what the diagnosis was?

[snafu]

If a friend asked - I'd go

[LucyVanPelt]

Welp, I went and broke this friendship.

Sadly, this person works in social work. She often complains about being overworked, underpaid, and her time off not being respected.

Last week, a group of us were supposed to get together, and she insisted on bringing one of her consumer's. I said no. She got very angry with me and asked me why. The more I explained healthy boundaries between work and personal life, the angrier she got. She finally insisted that her consumers are her friends and insisted that I accept them as I would a member of her family. Of course, I can't.

I am very worried about her mental state. But I can't help her, either. I ended up apologizing because I crossed the line when I gave her unsolicited advice on how to do her job. Now she won't talk to me.