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Old August 11th, 2008, 07:19 PM
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Unhappy My best friend's issue (sorry this is long)

I wonder if anyone has any advice in this issue my best friend has.

She has had a best male friend for about 3 years (she met him at work where she used to work). She and her boyfriend had a huge argument back in Sept (not regarding him) and she moved out. She ended up getting an apartment with this guy as roommates, but yet they were sleeping in the same bed (they had no furniture she said, but yet he never persued her to get another bed for her and have her move into the other room). Well he treated her (when they were alone, or only with his brothers) like she was his girlfriend/wife (she did laundry, cooked, cleaned, etc. He was very attentive to her), but yet when they were out he would only say "this is my friend XXXX".

Well then in Nov. she found out that he had made out with a mutual friend of theirs, and of course she was devestated. She was crazy about this guy, and there were feelings coming from both ends (he finally admitted to it in Dec). Anyways she moved out. She was so anxious coming home, never knowing what she would walk into. He tried to get her to move back in until right before Christmas. Well this guy called her x-boyfriend (whom was trying to get her back too) (the guy was trying to find out where she was), and of course the x was saying all these bad things about her, which this guy believed. He talked to her a couple of days before Christmas and read her the riot act (as you can imagine how her Christmas was).

They didn't talk until the beginning of February (with him making the initial contact) and of course because she still cared so much about him, she came and visited him about 3 or 4 times a week, and he acted like nothing had happened at all in the past, that everything was just the same. That was until about the end of February beginning of March when he yet again talked to the x (because the guy wanted to know why the x had damaged my friend's car) and the x (of course) said all these terrible things about her (which this guy yet again believed), and then when they (my friend and this guy) talked he stated that he didn't want to get in the middle of everything with them (ok I understand that). But then he yet again makes contact with her again in April and they started talking.

Well in May she ends up moving into the same complex (she couldn't find any other place that would accept her with her credit) and when she is at her apt, he wants to her to come over to hang out or whatever.

She is so confused because when she is around he is always on his best behavior (everyone who around him attest to this), and he tries to have her around a lot, but yet he still has his "females" that he sees when she is not around (which he denies being with at all to her). When she is not around, he doesn't text her, or call her (most of the time).

The part that really bugs me is that she has paid so many of his bills in the past (thank god she isn't doing it now), she paid for the apt (they were both suppose to pay half) completely every month up until May when she got her own place (she was still on the lease until May when she finally signed off on it, he wouldn't sign it at first), she has been there for him and ALL of his family (she even paid to have their mother cremated because they couldn't afford it). I know she isn't giving him anymore money at all anymore (thank god). She knows that she was stupid to give this guy any money .

The other thing is that he acts like he is in competition with her. They bother are in the computer industry, and she makes almost twice the amount he does, plus she has a brand new car (she bought it the same day as me ) (while he is still driving around im his x-wifes car), and she doesn't have half the drama he has in his life.

She just doesn't understand what is going on in regards to this guy (she is so confused as to his intentions), and I don't know what to tell her.
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Old August 11th, 2008, 08:58 PM
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Re: My best friend's issue (sorry this is long)

Tell her: avoid this guy like a plague!!!! A professionally successful beautiful woman can do a lot better than that. She should not even try to understand his motivations. Whatever his motivations are, they are poison to her and she spent anough of ner life on him. Time to move on!
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Old August 12th, 2008, 06:20 AM
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Re: My best friend's issue (sorry this is long)

I agree, April.

Except his motivations are very obvious. With your friend, he gets all the benefits of a wife, and none of the responsibilities or commitments. Your friend needs to pick a better class of men to date. She doesn't seem to value herself.
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Old August 12th, 2008, 11:29 AM
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Re: My best friend's issue (sorry this is long)

I agree with April & DIL - just have your friend watch Judge Judy sometime - with the clueless women who give the loser guys $$$

I think he knows he's got a cash cow & he's not about to let it go
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Old August 12th, 2008, 12:08 PM
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Re: My best friend's issue (sorry this is long)

Your friend's story reminds me of my college roommate/BF. She moved out to live with a guy who treated her like your friend's guy. He didn't have a job, didn't have a car, didn't have anything that she didn't pay for (she worked while in college to support him). He spent most of his days stoned. He'd go out to bars, pick up women (he was really good looking) and bring them back to THEIR apartment and um, you know... in the living room while my friend sat in the bedroom crying.

He successfully alienated her from all of her friends. I was so grateful we had signed up to take a class together, else I never would have seen her.

She showed up at my dorm room at 3:00am one morning black and blue, with a smashed windshield. The guy had decided emotional abuse wasn't enough.

Tell your friend that she will really regret not cutting this tumor out of her life completely.
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Old August 12th, 2008, 02:11 PM
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Re: My best friend's issue (sorry this is long)

Thank you all for your posts, and I agree completely with everyone. I am sorry about your girl friend in college KayKay

I also think that she is being used. Whenever he needs something he calls her, whenever he is in a jam he calls her. Whevenever . . . (ok you get the drift).

I just hope that she can boot his butt to the curb and really see him for what he is. A user and a "player" (at least he thinks he's a player, gag) I just feel so bad for her, she really does care for him, but I noticed that she has been distancing herself with him (hopefully a good sign), and not to be mean, but I really hope this guy turns around one day and sees just what he has lost (I'm sorry, I know that sounds so mean).
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Old August 12th, 2008, 02:20 PM
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Re: My best friend's issue (sorry this is long)

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=AHd3ck...eature=related

Tell your friend to check this song out. Because (and yes, I know this is harsh) but that is all she is. His dirty little secret.

Your friend needs to quite worrying so much about what her boy wants and worry more about what SHE wants and deserves.
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Old August 12th, 2008, 04:50 PM
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Re: My best friend's issue (sorry this is long)

Wow!! I sent my girl the link to the song. As she was listening to it she broke down crying. She was saying that it is so true.

I hope that she really takes it to heart and realizes just how wonderful she really is, and that this guy is just dragging her down.
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Old August 12th, 2008, 05:53 PM
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Re: My best friend's issue (sorry this is long)

Lets hope, someday soon, he will be singing this song (disclaimer, bad language bleeped out). They song doesn't complete fit the situation, but the tag line is perfect.

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=Fe0Za0-4srY
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  #10  
Old August 12th, 2008, 07:12 PM
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Re: My best friend's issue (sorry this is long)

I hope so too. She is such a wonderful person, she is the kind of person that no matter what the crisis is she will come running (for goodness sakes she came to comfort me when I thought I broke my pinky finger , how embarrassing was THAT when I found out it was only brused, Sheesh )

This is the kind of person that could only have $5.00 to her name and doesn't get paid for 2 weeks and will still give it to a needy person.

I always tell her that her heart is bigger than her brain sometimes (it's kind of a running joke)
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