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  #11  
Old February 26th, 2008, 12:29 PM
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Re: The Drama Du Jour

OK... I'm re-reading this thread and laughing bitterly.

All predicted above has come to pass. I was stupid enough not to keep my mouth shut around EVERYONE. I opened it to commiserate with other people. I kept it firmly SHUT around my friend, but when other people were saying "They said THIS and can you believe they did THAT?!" I got angered by the situation, as new information was being told to me (with other people being on the receiving end of worse than I was). So, in my group of "friends" who were all upset about the situation, I expressed my anger and hurt feelings.

Some people, also angry about the situation, went to my friend and told her that there were lots of hurt feelings. I wish they hadn't. I wish they had just let it go.... the activity is now over. I *think* they were trying to make her aware of the effects of her DH's and her BF's actions, but it backfired because of how my friend is. She immediately went on defensive mode.

Guess what? Everything is MY fault. My friend called me and chewed me up one side and down the other for an hour last weekend, saying that she couldn't BELIEVE I'd be saying such awful things (I wasn't - she "heard" stronger words than I used and she "heard" other people's comments and attributed them to me) and how dare I... blah de blah. I am guilty-by-association with another woman (the third party in the original story) because that woman is hated and considered horrible no matter what she does. (See a previous post of mine - "Acquaintances you'd rather not be friends with")

Seriously... we reached a point in the "conversation" where I was accused of talking to that other woman in the parking lot. WTH is wrong with talking to someone? Yes. I talked to her in the parking lot about something COMPLETELY unrelated to this mess. But *GASP* that was one of my sins. Talking to "the wrong person" in the parking lot.

My "friend" can't handle the truth. As part of her defensiveness, she went around to a bunch of people who all said "Well, yeah...". But she can't believe that. She refused to hear it. So she switched into offensive mode. She is now on a witch-hunt against me, trying to say I instigated the whole mess and that her DH and BF played no part in it. Yeah, RIGHT. She is going around in circles, and I have to say from an objective standpoint it is quite interesting. Her story has changed multiple times until she found a version of it that doesn't paint her in a bad light. Yup. Through my actions, I "soured the whole activity" (her words). Let's not mention that I kept my distance from the whole activity, and *I* was satisfied to let it drop without ever saying a word to her.

Sigh. You know what's sad? This isn't the first time she has turned on me like this. Another of the women involved told me that I am being attacked NOT because I was the instigator or the main complainer, but because I am the one my friend feels most comfortable attacking. She knows me better than she knows anyone else, and she's taking out her underlying fear/furor that she *might* be in the wrong on ME.

Guess I need a new walking partner. Shame on me for not learning that after the first time it happened.
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  #12  
Old February 26th, 2008, 01:32 PM
1dilwhosreal 1dilwhosreal is offline
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Re: The Drama Du Jour

(((((((hugs)))))))

It totally sucks when your friend turns out to be a schmuck.
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  #13  
Old February 26th, 2008, 01:34 PM
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Re: The Drama Du Jour

Oh KayKay, I'm so sorry to hear this! I can really sympathise with you - I am usually the one who in your shoes, blamed for the whole kit and caboodle as a result of a few misplaced words/sounds/looks of support (or talking to the wrong person at the wrong time in the wrong parking lot)! I don't know why it always seems to be the same people on the pointy end of this sort of thing! I do think there are some words of wisdom there from your friend, that you are being blamed because your 'friend' finds it easier to blame you than anyone else - perhaps because she knows you are too reasonable to get into an argument with her. I'm assuming you set her straight on what actually happened. I would be inclined take a strong line with her and tell her you expect an apology - you're willing to talk when she's willing to be reasonable. Sounds like you might be waiting some time though... I hope the people you were good enough to sympathise with are backing you up.
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  #14  
Old February 26th, 2008, 03:09 PM
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Re: The Drama Du Jour

Thanks 1dil for the words of encouragement. More than her schmuckiness is my stupidity at being pulled in. I have never forgotten about my "friend" how quick she is to refuse blame and attack innocent people even if she has to come up with convoluted ways to do it. She's done it before, and not just to me. I place a heaping helping of the blame on myself for not keeping my dang mouth shut, even in the presence of people who were more upset than me.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Grace View Post
Oh KayKay, I'm so sorry to hear this! I can really sympathise with you - I am usually the one who in your shoes, blamed for the whole kit and caboodle as a result of a few misplaced words/sounds/looks of support (or talking to the wrong person at the wrong time in the wrong parking lot)! I don't know why it always seems to be the same people on the pointy end of this sort of thing! I do think there are some words of wisdom there from your friend, that you are being blamed because your 'friend' finds it easier to blame you than anyone else - perhaps because she knows you are too reasonable to get into an argument with her. I'm assuming you set her straight on what actually happened. I would be inclined take a strong line with her and tell her you expect an apology - you're willing to talk when she's willing to be reasonable. Sounds like you might be waiting some time though... I hope the people you were good enough to sympathise with are backing you up.
She will apologize the day after h*ll freezes over. We've had "instances" before. One happened about 2 years ago and we got "past" it but she has never admitted wrongdoing. It came up again this year (an annual event) and this time (LOL) she was complaining about gee, gosh, golly someone doing EXACTLY what she did 2 years ago. I said nothing. Honestly... she had NO CLUE that she was doing that. Even if I had pointed it out, she woud have denied her behavior 2 years ago.

I tried setting her straight during the marathon "You're awful" session this weekend, but you know what? It doesn't matter. She will never believe me. (Where's that brick wall smiley?) Believing me would be admitting that she's wrong and she'll never, EVER do that. Every single word I say to her is wasted breath and continuing the fight. I'm done. I'm dropping the rope and walking away. Truthfully, she's worked herself up into a tempest in a teapot. If she keeps it up she'll be making a bigger fool out of herself and I'm inclined to sit back and let her. There is a whole cadre of people who know the "truth" and, while they won't approach her to defend me (nor do I think they should... it'll just incite her) they also do not blame me. They're all looking at her wondering where the men in white jackets are.

This afternoon I saw one of the women I was talking too when I should have been keeping my big fat mouth shut. I approached her car (probably shouldn't have... you know I shouldn't be seen talking to people in the parking lot! ) and said "I owe you an apology." She said "What on earth for?!" and I said "My behavior this weekend." She was genuinely confused and said "What did you do?" and I said "I was negative and mean and angry and I apologize." She said "You didn't say ANYTHING that I didn't say!" and I said "Well I brought you down to my level and I'm sorry."

I'm taking the blame folks. I've been hung out to dry and there's no way around it. The only possible thing I can salvage is what the other "dissed" women think about me. It does me no good to take them down with me.
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  #15  
Old February 26th, 2008, 10:04 PM
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Re: The Drama Du Jour

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Originally Posted by KayKay View Post
Some people, also angry about the situation, went to my friend and told her that there were lots of hurt feelings. I wish they hadn't. I wish they had just let it go.... the activity is now over. I *think* they were trying to make her aware of the effects of her DH's and her BF's actions, but it backfired because of how my friend is. She immediately went on defensive mode.

Guess what? Everything is MY fault. My friend called me and chewed me up one side and down the other for an hour last weekend, saying that she couldn't BELIEVE I'd be saying such awful things (I wasn't - she "heard" stronger words than I used and she "heard" other people's comments and attributed them to me) and how dare I... blah de blah. I am guilty-by-association with another woman (the third party in the original story) because that woman is hated and considered horrible no matter what she does. (See a previous post of mine - "Acquaintances you'd rather not be friends with")

Seriously... we reached a point in the "conversation" where I was accused of talking to that other woman in the parking lot. WTH is wrong with talking to someone? Yes. I talked to her in the parking lot about something COMPLETELY unrelated to this mess. But *GASP* that was one of my sins. Talking to "the wrong person" in the parking lot.

(
Wow Kay, after reading that I had this sudden flash back to 1993 and the urge to go out and buy a can of Aqua Net hairspray and then smoke a cigarette in the girls room by the senior lockers. We are no longer in high school, there are no more prom queens and your "friend" seriously needs to get.over.herself. I think I got a zit just reading that. But in all seriousness, has your so-called-friend ever gotten out of the "high school" mentality? I have to say I was even a little bit shocked your name was brought up at all to your "friend." I am sure that the person that did it meant no harm, but people should learn to speak for themselves and leave everyone else out.

I have to say Kay, you are a heck of a lot better person than I am. If this were me in this situation (and yes, I have been in this situation) I would be tempted to tell your "friend" exactly what I thought of her, no holding back either. Hey, she already blames everything on you, why not? But like I said, you are definitely a better person than I am.
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  #16  
Old February 27th, 2008, 05:27 AM
1dilwhosreal 1dilwhosreal is offline
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Re: The Drama Du Jour

Quote:
Originally Posted by KayKay View Post
There is a whole cadre of people who know the "truth" and, while they won't approach her to defend me (nor do I think they should... it'll just incite her) they also do not blame me. They're all looking at her wondering where the men in white jackets are.

This afternoon I saw one of the women I was talking too when I should have been keeping my big fat mouth shut. I approached her car (probably shouldn't have... you know I shouldn't be seen talking to people in the parking lot! ) and said "I owe you an apology." She said "What on earth for?!" and I said "My behavior this weekend." She was genuinely confused and said "What did you do?" and I said "I was negative and mean and angry and I apologize." She said "You didn't say ANYTHING that I didn't say!" and I said "Well I brought you down to my level and I'm sorry."

I'm taking the blame folks. I've been hung out to dry and there's no way around it. The only possible thing I can salvage is what the other "dissed" women think about me. It does me no good to take them down with me.
This is the most important thing: There are people who know the truth, so you have no reason to be taking the blame or salvaging what the other's think about you. There's nothing to say or do. Don't apologize-- it just keeps the drama circulating and the tongues wagging-- and don't add worry about what others are going to think.

In the nasty world of PTAs, this is nothing, and it will blow over. Your ex-friend will always be a schmuck and now you know it. Everyone else already knows it. Hold your head high, go on as if it never happened, sans ex-friend, and before you know it, there will be a new drama du jour.
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  #17  
Old February 27th, 2008, 07:00 AM
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Re: The Drama Du Jour

Quote:
Originally Posted by grubby View Post
I think I got a zit just reading that.
I just snorted coffee through my nose reading that! OUCH!!

Thanks grubby and 1dil for the laugh and the lift.

The "friend" is now going around to everyone asking them if I said anything to them about the situation. Luckily, I didn't say too much to too many people. So, since she isn't getting "satisfactory" answers she is exaggerating reality. Yesterday she told me (in the morning bash session) that "people are coming up to her and telling her about all of the bad things I'm saying". I was flabbergasted because that is such a blatant impossibility... but like I said... brick wall... no point in arguing or denying. I just shook my head in disbelief. Last night I got a phone call from a long-time friend of mine (had other stuff to talk about - the call wasn't about this) who mentioned that the woman had come up to HER and asked if I had said anything. My long-time friend said (truthfully, thinking that the woman was sincere in intent) that I had mentioned my hurt feelings in a quick conversation. That turned into "people are coming up to me telling me..."

She's digging her own grave. I have let go of it. She can bad-mouth me all she wants; she's making HERSELF look bad. My mouth is firmly shut and I'm starting to be amused at how much real estate I have in her head.

Really 1dil? You think I ought not apologize to the other women? Interesting point. I am perfectly willing to admit wrongdoing on my part - and that was that I got angry and said (along with other people) what I thought about the situation and the things that had happened. I *do* regret that; I truly wish I had kept my mouth shut or preferably been more forgiving/understanding about it. Hmmm.... my thought is that my mouth being shut would have prevented all of this drama (my ex-friend would have never heard anything) but the way things have been, maybe you're right. The people who told her there were hurt feelings did so independent of me. Maybe if I hadn't been there for my ex-friend to focus on, she would have taken what was being said to heart.

Nah....
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  #18  
Old March 2nd, 2008, 06:59 PM
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Re: The Drama Du Jour

KayKay- FWIW my

You seem way too mature to be involved with this highschool drama queen - loosing a friend hurts, but you've outgrown her
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