Go Back   Friends and Family Forum > The Family Forum > Spouses & Significant Others

 
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Prev Previous Post   Next Post Next
  #1  
Old June 25th, 2017, 12:53 PM
Pad Pad is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 58
Pad has a spectacular aura about
Should I redirect my friend towards ending her marriage?

I am nearly 33 years old, and my friend is nearly 43 years old, and I think that she married her husband for all the wrong reasons & that they do not bring out the best in each other.
My friend told me that that reason that she married her husband was that she wanted a family. Yet, eventually, she found out that he would not give her that.
My friend is still embarrassed about the fact that her husband is 23 years older than her, and I think that is a sign that the relationship will never be healthy since it seems like she will never accept that fact about him.
My friend has been in a relationship with her husband for eight years & married him about 4-5 years ago.
When I spent the last few days at my friend's house, I saw how bad the conditions are with her.
My friend confessed to me that her now husband had creeped her out from the beginning, itself, and she tried to get rid of him from the start. She met him when she was 35 years old. It looks like my friend just settled for her husband since she really wanted to settle down and did not think that she could get anyone better (something I would never do).
When I was over their house, I was caught in the middle of their very childish, immature fights and developed a disgust for her husband. He is such an old man, but acts like a three year-old. I guess that they both have their own perspectives and faults in this matter. However, I would have expected him to be more mature, being so much older, and treat her better. In the midst of one fight, he, at the age of 66, actually called my friend retarded (right in front of me, an outsider), which was crossing the line! That comment towards my friend hurt even me. He is my Dad's age. I have witnessed my parents' squabbles, but have never seen my Dad, who is his age, to sink that low.
In the midst of vulnerability, my friend spilled out all her confidences to me. She said that she always tried to get rid of her husband from the beginning since he creeped her out then itself. She said that she married him since she wanted a family; that she tried IVF, but he lied to her saying that he also wanted children with her, but deceived her out of the IVF procedure, as he did not really want children with her. She said that he lied about a lot, such as infidelities (not sure of the specific details) & that he had STD's, such as herpes, which he also lied about.
I also think that this marriage is not bringing out the best behavior in my friend, the way that a healthy, loving marriage is expected to. She is very suspicious of her husband's behavior & gloated to him right in front of me that she could have had an affair if she wanted. Please do not judge my friend for this.
I think that my friend also married her husband because he had a stable, very well-paying job, while she had been struggling professionally & financially.
I am an INFP so the problems of my closes ones also deeply affect me. I really want to advise my friend to ending this sham of a marriage & finding a reciprocal loving & romantic relationship with someone else whose life goals match up. She did ask my advice in this matter, and I told her all of the above.
However, I do not know whether I did the right thing, as I have heard somewhere that you should never advise your friend to divorce her husband, and that you, yourself, will also bear the brunt of doing so.
Please let us know how we should go forward in this matter.
Reply With Quote
 

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump


All times are GMT -7. The time now is 09:28 AM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.7.3
Copyright ©2000 - 2018, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Copyright ©2007, The BlueSparks Network