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Old September 5th, 2017, 06:46 AM
KBraidYellow KBraidYellow is offline
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Should I make contact with her? Maybe write to her?

I have one sister. She moved out from the family home about 2 and half years ago.Things are very complicated with her and I don't know where to start here about her.

There is a drama queen in her.. She's not a direct in her ways, she's more passive and silent.
She's been like this for a long time. We went to school together and we worked together for a while too. There's been many people in my sister's hatred line down through the years. My sister would take offense at anything where there was no offense meant and then go silent and passive in her ways.

Things started to go downhill within the family home too from about 2008 to 2010 until she moved out. My sister would spend months not speaking to one or another. There was one time she wasn't speaking to anyone in the family.

She was in a job that she hated. I thought her behalf was down to an unhappiness with that.

In 2012, the recession hit bad and I had to move back home. My sister wasn't there at the time. She moved away for college in 2010. In the months that followed - two of my brothers emigrated for work and my sister finished college and moved back home. For the first time in a long time, I saw her happy and on good terms with everyone at home (me, my brother and our mother).

Towards the end of 2012, I thought of something. It seemed as if for years, my sister always had to have someone on the go in her line of hatred and I thought who's going to be next. It didn't take her long to find someone new for her bad energies. One of my brothers who emigrated wasn't contacting home. My sister took it personally and decided my brother wanted nothing more to do with her and the family. I tried to tell her, that's not it. I told her:
Maybe he's homesick and that's his way of dealing with things,
Maybe the cost of living his too much and he can't afford to phone home often and he's too proud to say,
Maybe life is getting in the way and maybe work is too much and he finds it hard to find time.

My sister didn't want to hear what I had to say. She became irritated with the whole situation and at what I said and demanded to know - 'why am I making excuses for him'.

I certainly wasn't making excuses for him. I was able to see it from a different angle.

In time, my sister constructed a message to send my brother and saved it on the phone. She showed me and I was like - 'oh my god, don't send him that. Just leave it be'. She was dragging up the lack of contact home from him. There was something about the message I didn't like. She listened to me, thank goodness but in time, she did send the message.

War happened. Within minutes, my brother picked up the phone and rang home - like what the hell is that you sent me? He was ranging down the phone. I felt bad for my sister really. She was upset at the phone call. My brother claimed that he got abusive messages from my sister. My sister denied it.

I refused to get involved and leave it between the two. I do think my sister was in the wrong sending him that message. I think she should have left things be and leave the door open for him to contact home in his own time.

In 2014, he rang home to our mother and things were good from him. He had some news. He and his partner were going to have a baby. I was delighted with the news and congratulated him and wished him the very best and he was good with this.

My sister didn't want to know. I thought at that stage, whatever went on should have been dropped. Perhaps put pen to paper and write him a letter and wish him well. She didn't want to know that he was going to become a dad and she was going to become and auntie. The baby came and to this day, my sister doesn't even know our niece's name.

Towards the end of 2014, this is went things start going bad between me and my sister.
It wasn't the first time. She didn't speak to me for 8-9 months before because I didn't reply back to a text. I was in work and I didn't get it until I finished.
There was another time I was in the bathroom at home and she started banging on the door even though I wasn't long in. Just for a few minutes and she refused to allow me them few minutes and she didn't speak to me for months after that.

So back to when things went bad between us at the end of 2014:

I was flat out busy in work. Whenever I had free time, I was preparing for Christmas at home. There was one night, I got in home late from work towards 9pm at night. My mother and sister were in the kitchen. My sister wasn't long up from bed. She was unemployed at the time and spent a lot of her days in bed. I mentioned that there was something that came in the mail for Christmas but to arrived broken and I asked them not to touch it and that I don't know when I'm going to get to time to organise the return of that item. My sister sat in the corner dishing out criticism and negativity saying - sure we don't need to put up decorations for the Christmas and let's not celebrate Christmas she was saying. I snapped and I gave out to her. It was the negativity I was annoyed at. Not only that, it had roots in her snubbing our niece.

The next day at work, I thought about things and I thought I was perhaps too harsh with her and I thought I will apologise after work. Unfortunately, I didn't finish work at all until late at night again and I was in work since morning. So, I was exhausted by the time I did finish and made it home. I was too tired for dinner and a shower. I had a cup of tea and went to bed. The next day, I was in work again and I received abusive messages from my sister about the night before last. Not only that, she sent me a message saying she's packing everything I own into bin bags and dumping it all outside. It wasn't her home. It's our mothers. What right did she have to do that? To find me in a heavy schedule with work and cause them stresses on me. What was that going to achieve as well?

Again, I had a late night at work and I made it home. I was exhausted and I had to turn around and tidy up my things.

The days that followed, there was more intimation from her around the house. She wasn't talking to me and that was fine with me. I continued on with work and preparing for the Christmas.

On Christmas eve, I asked her if she needed anything from town or would she like me to help here with anything. My was of bridging things and opening things up. She ignored me and stuck her nose in the air. I told her, that I was sorry for the row that happened. I asked her did she think it was appropriate to respond by packing my belongings into bin bags? She continued to ignore me.

In the months that followed. Things were pretty much the same in the house. She wasn't talking to me and I got used to that. I didn't have time for that and I continued on with work. That's when things really began to go down hill. I used to frequent another forum that she was also on. I read so much from her and she wrote it knowing that I would see it too. She wrote that her sister is a fat, 20 stone piece of **** and that she is done with her. My sister is dead to me she wrote.

It read like a soap opera script. I'm overweight but I'm no where near 20 stone. It was like, my sister felt better with this kind of degrading rubbish.

I noticed a few things. I noticed money stolen from my wallet, and some belongings gone missing. Just vanished. I knew it was from my sister. I was furious when my wallet was cleaned out from 100 euro. I came so close to confronting her but I knew it would get me no where. She would just ignore me and be happy at seeing me become agitated and then deny it anyways. So I left it.

Eventually she found work and moved out. She then started to send me abusive messages. Over and over again. It was very heavy from her. It went on for months on an off. 100s at a time.

When I started to receive the abusive messages, I considered responding but I didn't. I held back. There was so much anger in them and I realised there was nothing I could have wrote to make things better. Everything is wrote was so wrong. She held onto so much from the past and onto other rows from the past and flung it all back at me forgetting her part in previous rows.

I continued to ignore the messages and over time they became worse. There was one message saying she scrubbed the toilet with my toothbrush.

I saw nothing but posion from her.

Eventually she upped things and there were fake facebook accounts set up.

She then gave things a break, and fell out with our mother and then our other brother who is at home.

I changed my number and I got piece.

She got my new number earlier this year and she began to send more filthy, abusive messages. Amongst many of her messages she's demanding for apologies from the row we had before Christmas of 2014. She's holding onto everything and anything.

I don't get it, she doesn't want anything to do with me. She made that clear. I did apologize but it wasn't enough for her. How does she think more apologies is going to make her feel better. And where's her apology to me for that matter? I don't want an apology and I don't want anything from her. I want to move on with my life and very much without her too. She needs to do the same. Move on with her life.

I recently went to the police to report all the abusive messages and harrassment from my sister and my sister had upped things with the harrassment.

I was considering putting pen to paper to clear a few things up but she has many things completely twisted.
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Old September 5th, 2017, 02:57 PM
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LucyVanPelt LucyVanPelt is offline
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Re: Should I make contact with her? Maybe write to her?

Originally Posted by KBraidYellow View Post
I was considering putting pen to paper to clear a few things up but she has many things completely twisted.
What do expect will happen if you write her a letter to "clear things up?"
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Old September 5th, 2017, 04:32 PM
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KayKay KayKay is offline
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Re: Should I make contact with her? Maybe write to her?

Never, ever put anything in writing to someone who will twist all of your words to make herself out to be the victim.

Besides, if you reach out to her, that will be used against you in the future if you end up needing to get a restraining order.

The best thing you can do with people like your sister is to not react, ever. She will eventually move on to another target.
Expecto Patronum!
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Old September 5th, 2017, 04:35 PM
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snafu snafu is offline
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Re: Should I make contact with her? Maybe write to her?

Kaykay's right .... Just because you're related doesn't mean you have to put up with poor behavior.
once burned, twice shy

He who ignores history is condemed to repeat it!
(it also means you weren't smart enough to learn from your mistakes )
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