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Old December 23rd, 2017, 06:22 PM
Peachy2 Peachy2 is offline
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Worried About My Mom - Help?

Hi, I'm Peter, but you can call me Peachy, since it's the "cute" form of my name in my native language. I'm 17.

I'll go straight to the point - I'm worried about my mom. She has been feeling more and more lonely lately, "bored" as she calls it.

The biggest form of entertainment is her TV, my grandma and my dad. She does have a few friends (3), but they don't talk all that much.

My mom and granny talk every day, which is great, but what will my mom do, when my grandma won't be here anymore?

Then there is my daddy, but my mum usually sits at the table, looking at nothing or through the window waiting for my dad to come from work. It's really sad to see.
When my dad comes from work though, they usually go drink coffee together, for about an hour, and after that my dad goes to his second job (in the garage) and my mom returns and watches TV but gets bored again...
Mom and dad are on very good terms though, and I'm glad for that.

She has almost no hobbies, not many people to talk to, gets "bored" and depressed frequently and i'm honestly worried about her. I'm trying to talk to her more and more but she doesn't answer me much...

I'm scared of the future. What if she ends up with absolutely no one to talk to? Except for my dad, but I told you the situation.
Also I definitely want to move to another country when I graduate from college, but will want to chat and call her frequently.

Sorry if this doesn't make a whole lot of sense and feels rushed, it's 3 am where I am right now. I'm also honestly not in the right place mentally; I've been diagnosed with medium(mild? dunno the word) depression and anxiety, but I don't really care about myself, I want to make my mom happy, since I love her.

My question is if there's something I could do... any idea would be appreciated
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Old December 23rd, 2017, 09:49 PM
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KayKay KayKay is offline
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Re: Worried About My Mom - Help?

Peachy2, you are very sweet to want to help your mom. Unfortunately, you can't be responsible for her happiness. You have your own life you have to handle; you have to become responsible for yourself first.

Have you ever flown on an airplane? During the safety instructions, the flight attendant tells the passengers that if the oxygen masks come down during flight, to put their own masks on first, THEN help those around them who may need help. This is because a passenger with an oxygen mask on is better able to help than a passenger without one. This is true in life too. Take care of yourself and of your own mild depression before trying to help your mom.

What does your dad say?
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Old January 18th, 2018, 02:29 AM
PineLeaves PineLeaves is offline
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Re: Worried About My Mom - Help?

I agree with KayKay that you canít be responsible for your mums happiness. This is a very hard lesson to accept (Iím still trying).

Itís lovely that you care so much about her and want to try to help her feel better. Maybe you could offer her some suggestions and encouragement to seek more satisfaction in her life. Ultimately the choice will be hers, and she may not be willing to try anything-but doing this may let you feel youíve given what support you can.

You mentioned you had been diagnosed with depression-has your Mum been diagnosed with this too? If not it might be something to have checked-with the boredom sheís been feeling. My mum has depression-and I remember her just wanting to sleep a lot of the time.

You say you donít really care about yourself...even though youíve been diagnosed with some challenging conditions. Maybe spending some time focusing on yourself and learning strategies to help with your depression and anxiety will give you more insight into how to support your Mum, and leave you in a better stronger position to do so too. Like KayKay said.

What things help you?

Maybe seeing you do things to help yourself will even encourage your Mum to do the same for herself.

Does your mum have any interests that she could developed into hobbies? Or are there any community groups around that she could join to meet people? Places she enjoys going? Are there things you and she enjoy doing together that could benefit you both?
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