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Old November 2nd, 2015, 07:00 AM
slr0031 slr0031 is offline
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Saying I love you?

Hello I wanted some advice with a situation please. I have had a lot of strife with my dad and his wife and daughter over the years. We are all adults. My half sister is in college and lives with my dad. My dad and I have been communicating again after a couple years of no communication and I will be visiting him and his family next month for the first time in about 3 years. I am wanting it to go as well as possible but think it will be awkward with the step mom and half sister and have concerns.
My step mother seems to enjoy doing things to try and make me look bad in front of my dad and other family and i have a very poor, really non existent relationship with my half sister so I am not looking forward to this visit at all but am trying for the sake of my dad. I have not not been in contact with my step mother in 3 years but went to my grandfather's funeral last winter and saw her there. I have also told my dad I don't want a relationship with her other than being cordial when I visit him. I said hello to her and kept my distance at the service. There is a whole bunch of past bad blood between us that I don't have time to get into here but in front of all my extended relatives step mother announced her love for me from her and my half sister. I found it inappropriate because we have no relationship and I felt she did it to make me uncomfortable and make herself look good and me look bad because she knows I don't want to say that to her. I pretended I didn't hear her actually as I was in mid turn to walk away and just kept going. Now I am afraid that she will repeat this "gesture" in front of my dad and children when we go visit them next month. I don't feel I should be forced to tell her I love her to save face in front of my dad, who knows how I feel, and my small young kids. I know she will tell them she loves them and probably my husband also who would probably repeat it back because what else do you do?? But I do not want to have to say that to her. How do I handle this kind of thing? I am wondering if I should talk to me dad about it, he didn't hear this happen at the funeral. I am not wanting to begin trouble and that may do it but I don't know how to handle it. Advice would be appreciated thanks.
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Old November 2nd, 2015, 08:46 AM
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LucyVanPelt LucyVanPelt is offline
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Re: Saying I love you?

There is no need to talk to anyone about this.

When someone says, "I love you," and you don't feel the same way, you are NOT obligated to say it back. In fact, the more loving gesture is not to lie.

Walking away and pretending as if you didn't hear is a good response. If you must reply, smile and say, "I really appreciate that sentiment. Thank you."

You don't look bad, she doesn't look bad. She probably won't say it again. And your children have learned how to respond when someone says "I love you" and they don't feel the same way.

Good luck with the visit.
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Old November 2nd, 2015, 10:15 AM
slr0031 slr0031 is offline
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Re: Saying I love you?

Thank you Lucy
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Old November 3rd, 2015, 06:17 AM
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Re: Saying I love you?

Quote:
Originally Posted by LucyVanPelt View Post
There is no need to talk to anyone about this.

When someone says, "I love you," and you don't feel the same way, you are NOT obligated to say it back. In fact, the more loving gesture is not to lie.

Walking away and pretending as if you didn't hear is a good response. If you must reply, smile and say, "I really appreciate that sentiment. Thank you."

You don't look bad, she doesn't look bad. She probably won't say it again. And your children have learned how to respond when someone says "I love you" and they don't feel the same way.

Good luck with the visit.
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Old January 8th, 2016, 10:01 AM
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Re: Saying I love you?

Quote:
Originally Posted by slr0031 View Post
Hello I wanted some advice with a situation please. I have had a lot of strife with my dad and his wife and daughter over the years. We are all adults. My half sister is in college and lives with my dad. My dad and I have been communicating again after a couple years of no communication and I will be visiting him and his family next month for the first time in about 3 years. I am wanting it to go as well as possible but think it will be awkward with the step mom and half sister and have concerns.
My step mother seems to enjoy doing things to try and make me look bad in front of my dad and other family and i have a very poor, really non existent relationship with my half sister so I am not looking forward to this visit at all but am trying for the sake of my dad. I have not not been in contact with my step mother in 3 years but went to my grandfather's funeral last winter and saw her there. I have also told my dad I don't want a relationship with her other than being cordial when I visit him. I said hello to her and kept my distance at the service. There is a whole bunch of past bad blood between us that I don't have time to get into here but in front of all my extended relatives step mother announced her love for me from her and my half sister. I found it inappropriate because we have no relationship and I felt she did it to make me uncomfortable and make herself look good and me look bad because she knows I don't want to say that to her. I pretended I didn't hear her actually as I was in mid turn to walk away and just kept going. Now I am afraid that she will repeat this "gesture" in front of my dad and children when we go visit them next month. I don't feel I should be forced to tell her I love her to save face in front of my dad, who knows how I feel, and my small young kids. I know she will tell them she loves them and probably my husband also who would probably repeat it back because what else do you do?? But I do not want to have to say that to her. How do I handle this kind of thing? I am wondering if I should talk to me dad about it, he didn't hear this happen at the funeral. I am not wanting to begin trouble and that may do it but I don't know how to handle it. Advice would be appreciated thanks.
don't you dare change for anyone else but yourself (smiling) seriously, do not compromise your identity to please others....don't be mean either. Just be yourself...if they don't accept it, then at least you know you tried...but if people try to change you, then they are incapable of caring about you. So go, try and have a good time, try and understand, your step mother sounds insecure....accept her as she is, and hopefully you will enjoy your dad...but don't fear leaving if the visit becomes way to toxic. Have a plan B in order.
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Old June 13th, 2017, 01:29 AM
SunnyMay SunnyMay is offline
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Re: Saying I love you?

Very interesting, thank you
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