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  #11  
Old July 5th, 2017, 02:56 PM
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Re: Tough situation - Grandparents - kids and declining health

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Originally Posted by NagathaChristie View Post
MIL has stopped taking her medication for dementia (Aricept) because she thinks it is a sleeping pill and gives her crazy dreams.
Please bring this to the attention of her doctors. The meds may be giving her nightmares. There's a particular generic that gives me night terrors. My doctor denies that it can do that, but he doesn't have to; he just has to adjust my meds.

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MIL also thinks that tomorrow is Monday. She has an appointment tomorrow with her doctor, I called them and asked them to write down her medications and a note what each med is for and when it should be taken.
This is an excellent way to handle the challenge. It seems like MIL is trusting you to help her. That's a good sign.
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  #12  
Old July 10th, 2017, 08:18 PM
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Re: Tough situation - Grandparents - kids and declining health

I'm so sorry for your tough situation. Dementia is very upsetting for both the person diagnosed and the loved ones. Your MIL getting upset about how your FIL is treating her is understandable but sad because she will never be in a state of mind, even when she is lucid, to accept her illness.

Due to our MIL's deteriorating condition, she will be in no condition to discuss a will so it would have to be between you and your husband and your FIL I guess. I would imagine if he cares about the kids he will want to ensure their future. I feel bad that he has a lot on his plate because he's not well himself, he has a wife that he will eventually have to put in a facility, and he may not be able to care for his grandchildren soon.

I'm not married or have kids so I apologize if my advice is bad but perhaps you can start the convo by asking if there is anything set in writing regarding the kids' backup guardianship?
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  #13  
Old July 24th, 2017, 02:40 PM
NagathaChristie NagathaChristie is offline
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Re: Tough situation - Grandparents - kids and declining health

Nothing is in writing. FIL is a stubborn older man who just wants to sit in his chair and watch TV. He wont have a discussion with us. So we have to just let things happen. We have been taking the kids every other weekend and checking in with calls to them during the week. The older child called us recently when an argument erupted with my MIL. I am glad the child felt that we could be confided in.

This entire situation is going to be a watch and wait. In the mean time we are trying to be very active with them. Also taking MIL out, as she enjoys that very much.
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Old July 24th, 2017, 05:47 PM
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Re: Tough situation - Grandparents - kids and declining health

I'm so grateful for you on the kids' behalf.

Have you considered contacting a lawyer to find out what will happen to the kids if something happens to FIL? I wish there was a legal way to be the backup guardian without going through FIL. Is there a way you can go through MIL before her dementia gets bad enough that she can't sign valid legal documents? If she could put something in her will or power of attorney or something that indicated that you would get guardianship over the kids in case of her incapacity, that might help. Maybe if you told her doctor the situation, he or she could suggest it? Or maybe if you told FIL's doctor?
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  #15  
Old August 8th, 2017, 11:32 AM
NagathaChristie NagathaChristie is offline
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Re: Tough situation - Grandparents - kids and declining health

I appreciate all of your feedback.

Here is an update:
FIL did not tell his wife that he was getting a colonoscopy on Monday until Sunday when he was doing the prep. She asked him why he needed a colonoscopy and he told her he had a tear that needed to be fixed (not true).

We only found out about this because MIL called us yesterday because she was upset that the children were arguing with eachother and she mentioned the "surgery". MIL was also complaining that the house is too much for her and she wants either studio apartment alone (umm, no!) or she wants them all to move to a townhouse or condo where they wont need to worry about repairs and lawn. She is completely right about the house but FIL said he is not going anywhere. MIL now openly says she wants the kids with us if anything happens to her. She will not go with us to an attorney, we want her to get a medical will so she can set her wishes in writing while she is still capable.

My husband and I are able to de-escalate the kids and MIL over the phone for now.
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Old August 14th, 2017, 04:37 PM
ChristianMartinez ChristianMartinez is offline
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Re: Tough situation - Grandparents - kids and declining health

I am sorry for that!! I dont think they are in danger
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  #17  
Old November 27th, 2017, 10:01 PM
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Re: Tough situation - Grandparents - kids and declining health

First, as much as you can talk reason - father and MIL need a living will.
As an adult daughter; with my Dad having Alzheimer's - I needed to make decisions on his behalf.
With the living will in place, I was able to make decisions accordingly and compassionately.

I cannot emphasize this enough.

Before I had brain surgery, I completed a living will. It's just smart to make these decisions while you have some semblance of what is happening. I know my family will follow my requests.
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