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Old August 11th, 2017, 01:22 PM
gewibongew gewibongew is offline
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Need opinions about my situation with my parents!! Please help

First things first , I'm new here, so Hi everyone.
I joined this forum because these days I had some problems thay I'd want to go through with you ,so please bare with me.
It all happened one night when ,because I didn't want to take the trash out, my step father just woke up and got the trash and went right in front of my room wih a super crazy dead look, telling me 'youre diong this right now'. I clearly told him that ive washed the dishes and made myself some food so I will not be the one to do that either. Although his CRAZY stare really scared me. So after that he snaped and literally took the trash and completely throwed it over my desk in like seconds and all you could see was trash on the desk and on the wall and everything. So I snaped and fough back ,telling him that i'll ****ing hit him if he does crazy ****s like that again ( which i've ought not to do ) And he started yelling so i snaped too, and i punched the mirror in my door. Got severe bleeding and ended up at the hospital with 2 stitches ,and then back home. When I got back home to that complete mess ( garbage + blood = CRAZY ) I just packed some stuff cuz I was sick of this kind of situations again and I wanted to go . When i did that he yelled at me "Don't think you're going anywhere without cleaning this. And by the way,if you go ,take this dog with you ,in your mother's dead people (That's a swear in our country) ". After some days he came and apologized and **** and i've come back home ,BUT, my mom tells me that i should be the one paying for the door since its my action,and yes,that should be true, but, Long story short : I never was that agressive type. I was a calm kid. Although all my childhood I fought with them, and everytime he had rages, one time he LITERALLY threw our dog from our balcony in the rain ,other times he just threw things out or broke them. Other times he just sweared like **** ,A LOT, like you would be a stranger to him, one time he told me he would spit me in the eyes, "you ****ing kid" . So in all these years, my relationship with them became very cold. And i've shut it and shut it but lately I just CAN;T controll my rage and as you can see this time , I really snaped. The thing is, I don't react like this with no one besides them ,and i didn't use to.
Is it my fault that i've done this??? I feel like i'm getting to the edge of sanity. I just want to be able to just MOVE THE **** OUT of here.
Their friends all support them so i really don't know what to believe anymore... Please tell me
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Old August 11th, 2017, 01:42 PM
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Re: Need opinions about my situation with my parents!! Please help

How old are you? Are you old enough to live on your own?
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Old August 11th, 2017, 02:17 PM
gewibongew gewibongew is offline
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Re: Need opinions about my situation with my parents!! Please help

I am 18 . Although in my country , you have to stay in high school until 19. So I still have 1 year of school ...
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Old August 11th, 2017, 02:47 PM
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Re: Need opinions about my situation with my parents!! Please help

Okay... what about your father? Is he around? Do you have any relatives you could stay with?
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Old August 12th, 2017, 05:30 AM
gewibongew gewibongew is offline
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Re: Need opinions about my situation with my parents!! Please help

Not quite.. my father didn't really got involved in my life since they divorced. So i don't quite have a relationship with him, nor does he quite care
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Old August 12th, 2017, 12:18 PM
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Re: Need opinions about my situation with my parents!! Please help



It's hard to give an opinion, gewibongew, without knowing the whole situation. Your stepfather does sound over the top, but without knowing the whole situation start to finish it's hard to tell if you have done anything to contribute to this (you asked if this was your fault).

Quote:
Originally Posted by gewibongew
It all happened one night when ,because I didn't want to take the trash out, my step father just woke up and got the trash and went right in front of my room wih a super crazy dead look, telling me 'youre diong this right now'. I clearly told him that ive washed the dishes and made myself some food so I will not be the one to do that either.
I guess where I'm stuck is why you acted the way you acted towards your stepdad about the trash. No one really WANTS to take the trash out. I hate taking the trash out. But I do it because it needs to be done. Why did your stepdad insist you take it out? Is it part of the chores that have been assigned to you? Why was it such a big issue for both you and your stepdad?

Your stepdad's rages are scary, so I understand why you'd want to move out. I'm not defending him. Is it just you who triggers him? Does he rage at your mother or other people?
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Old August 12th, 2017, 12:37 PM
gewibongew gewibongew is offline
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Re: Need opinions about my situation with my parents!! Please help

I didn't want to take it out since I saw both of them doing nothing in the house that day, and i've cooked some rice and i;ve cleaned the dishes too. so frm my point of view, i have done some stuffs And i clearly didn't want to be the one to do that too.
Also, YES. He snaps like this with my mum and lots of other people too, when something annoys him. I dont even want to go anywhere with them and my gilfriend cuz i'm scared that he'll randomly get pissed and make a scene out of it (it happened ..)
He is also the guy who my mom cheated my dad with. And since I've heard about it, its kinda hard to just get along..
Also, my relationship with them was bad all along. I've started running away from home since I was 10 for severall and lots and lots of reasons. Unfortunatelly,I just can't remember every each of them now . And I wish i would. Because I intend to not quite keep the connectiion with neither of them, and i'd like to list all the ****ed up things they did. Is there a way I could remember them all? I've heard that the brain blocks the traumatic events from remembering ,so that you don't live those moments again.
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Old August 12th, 2017, 02:21 PM
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Re: Need opinions about my situation with my parents!! Please help

I don't think it will do you any good to remember them at this point.

Thanks for the additional information. I couldn't tell if you were a typical sulky teenager or not, and it sounds like you're not.

For now, spend your energy making a plan to leave the house as soon as you finish school. Figure out ways to spend as little time at home as you can, but make sure they're productive, positive ways so that it's not just you running away from your problems (that is not a good habit to get in to). Can you get a part-time job? Join clubs or organizations, do volunteer work, spend time helping aging grandparents?

Most importantly, learn to control your reactions. First, you losing your temper brings you down to your stepfather's level. You don't want that. Second, losing your temper might cause you to do something that will harm you for the rest of your life. Last time you just ended up with stitches. Next time you might end up in jail. Be very careful.
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Old August 12th, 2017, 03:01 PM
gewibongew gewibongew is offline
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Re: Need opinions about my situation with my parents!! Please help

Thank you very much for your response!!
Update: I ended up paying for the door just to be ok.
The thing is, I never ever have had these reactions. Only with them. how and what can i do to NEVER EVER have these reactions with anybody?
I couldn;t live thinking i'm doing this to my possible gf, wife ,or kids. or anybody whatsoever. I'm not that type of man, but lately, I don't control myself that good with them so...I don't want to end up like that
It's just that i didn't even think for a second in that moment..and its clearly not ok
Also, how do i do so i don't take ANY habbit from them? I want to be the exact opposite,as a parent.
Also,Am I the one to blame for all these situations? Because afterwards,their response to all that was "Other parents would just have beat the crap out of you for what you did"
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Old August 12th, 2017, 05:31 PM
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Re: Need opinions about my situation with my parents!! Please help

I think you need to find another male role model. Your stepdad doesn't seem to be a good one.

What about your girlfriend's father? Would he beat his kids for doing what you did?
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