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  #11  
Old January 1st, 2015, 05:19 PM
Catwoman Catwoman is offline
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Smile Re: Did I make a mistake

Something else to think about is that there is no perfect person or partner. Why not be happy with the woman you married?, unless you have really just grown in different directions or either one has done something bad to the other,that the other person can't forgive, whats the reason to split?

How long have you been married?, marriage goes through many stages, yes we all get a little bored sometimes, but thats all part of it. We have to concentrate on what we love and like about the other person, after all we did marry them. Ive been married 15 years, and I can think of many stages our relationship has travelled through,and we have learnt many things about patience, compromise, acceptance and many, many more.Its also quite normal to find other people attractive while we are married, but we just say, ok thats a good looking person and that's it end of.

My husband works in bands so he has had many chances to cheat,with pretty girls throwing themselves at musicians,the bands have gorgeous dancers up on stage with them too,and because groupies like to been seen with one or its cool to some. I asked him why he didnt just sleep around,and he said well thats ok if you can be bothered, and you can have sex with anyone, but you can only find love with one person, and you can be gigolo, and loser along with it, never being able to commit, or having anything.

Hubby said he looks forward to going home to his wife and children that love him, his family.

So I think theres a big difference in fantasizing about another person, but playing house with them wont be nearly as exciting, or what you thought it would be.

Last edited by Catwoman; January 1st, 2015 at 05:45 PM.
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  #12  
Old January 1st, 2015, 05:36 PM
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snafu snafu is offline
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Re: Did I make a mistake

confused dad - I'm going to be honest, you sound similar to my ex. Rather than communicating and working on our issues he began an emotional affair (whether if ever became physical I'm not sure, I know he was trying to meet up with her because I heard him on the phone) - he had the "young man's disease" was trying to "safe" her - she was a single mom with a child who had cancer. She eventually dumped my ex for a dr - and ex expected me to sympathize

my is that
-you get counseling for yourself (my ex still has the same issues he had 16+ yrs ago/when we were married-there are still times he expects me to "fix" things for him )
-you build relationships with both kids (the fact is what you do now will affect them for the rest of their lives ... children often blame themselves for their parents breaking up)

Last edited by snafu; January 1st, 2015 at 05:39 PM.
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  #13  
Old January 1st, 2015, 06:26 PM
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LucyVanPelt LucyVanPelt is offline
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Re: Did I make a mistake

Quote:
Originally Posted by confuseddad View Post
I do love my wife and care about her, but it's the same kind of love that you would have with any other best friend.
This is what long term relationships are built on.

This
Quote:
All I know is this woman has made me feel things that I've never felt with anyone else.
is short lived.

I am not judging you; every married person goes through this "I'm not in love" thing. You've had ongoing problems but what have you done to fix them?

Everyone here who has read your story has agreed on the same advice and we all want your happiness in the end. Your best chance at happiness is to do the work to save your marriage. Even if you and your wife decide that it can't be saved, at least you will know that you did all you could and a professional family counselor can help you learn how to coparent in spite of the hurt of divorce. This must be done before either of you move on with another person.

Last edited by LucyVanPelt; January 1st, 2015 at 06:31 PM.
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  #14  
Old January 1st, 2015, 06:58 PM
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KayKay KayKay is offline
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Re: Did I make a mistake

Oh my word.

Quote:
Originally Posted by confuseddad View Post
It's not as if I plan on leaving my wife one day then move onto to someone else the next.
You have ALREADY moved on to someone else. You are planning on a relationship with your coworker!


Quote:
Originally Posted by confuseddad View Post
I don't even plan on telling this other woman that I'm on my own for at least 3 months after the fact.
So you're planning on being dishonest with her for three months? Noooootttttt a good way to start a relationship.


Quote:
Originally Posted by confuseddad View Post
As for her not being interested, I know that she is. She has told me that she does want the same thing, she's just afraid of being hurt, which I understand entirely.
No, she isn't interested. She didn't tell you that... that's what you heard because it's what you wanted to hear. She told you 'if she wasn't moving away' she would be open to the idea which was her way of saying no, but saying it gently since she has to work with you. Since you told her you were falling in love with her, she has been pushing you away. She says she doesn't want to be hurt.... that means she knows that you aren't someone she can trust.

Sorry, confuseddad, you've got to step out of your fantasy and *LISTEN*.


Quote:
Originally Posted by confuseddad View Post
I do love my wife and care about her, but it's the same kind of love that you would have with any other best friend.
Dude, you aren't going to be young and a skirt-chaser forever. If your wife is one of your best friends, you are a lucky guy. One day when your hair has fallen out, your belly has gotten flabby, and you wake up five times per night to pee, booty calls aren't going to appeal to you as much as a "best friend."

Quote:
Originally Posted by confuseddad View Post
All I know is this woman has made me feel things that I've never felt with anyone else.
I think she has had very little to do with it. I think you've maybe finally reached an age where you are ready to look at a woman as a partner instead of a hook up. It's a shame you can't feel that way about your wife.
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  #15  
Old January 8th, 2015, 12:07 PM
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Re: Did I make a mistake

if you continue with this senseless behavior, your going to end up a very lonely person.....and the only person who would want you are the type of women who love to run around with married men, not to mention, this isn't about you...it's about everyone else connected that you are destroying and yes, you are destroying....

These are not whims, but huge choices that are life changing in a very negative way. to name a few, Your wife, your children, your families, friends etc....you put them all in a position where they will have to choose sides....

this is a very selfish act on your part, to not be aware of the hearts of others and the lives you are destroying.

Careless, selfish, narcissistic and unaware of the feelings of others, karma my friend will rear its ugly head.

When you turn someone else's life bad, it will come back to haunt you.

your not a school kid, your a father a husband and so, you need to man up and take responsiblity for what you have done.

and btw, this woman who makes you feel like you've never felt before, hogwash, they all do in the beginning, b/c it's easy in the beginning....true love is compassion and understanding, and willingness to love someone even when its difficult to love them.

you need counseling....and a heart tune up to take a look at all the people around you, whose lives you are effecting in a very negative way, and any woman with any smarts would stay clear of you.

Last edited by Cremebrulee; January 8th, 2015 at 12:11 PM.
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