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Old September 2nd, 2016, 11:06 PM
Catwoman Catwoman is offline
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Question Engaged after 7 months

What do you think?....my friend came over today to tell me she is engaged after meeting a guy in Feb and has been engaged for 2 weeks now. She is 30 and he is 32.They have never lived together and still don't , they are dating and he is in another country working coming back soon, although he does live here where we live. I'm just a bit worried as she's a girl who rushes things with guys as shes told me,so its a bit worrying.She lost her partner 4.5 years ago in a accident and she wasn't completely happy with him.It was very traumatic when he died as he was a family friend of ours too. She then went through a few guys and none of them turned out well with messy breakups,and they only lasted a couple of months each time.She said she's really happy,and I'm happy for her,I just hope it works out for her. What do you think about it...interesting huh???
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Old September 3rd, 2016, 05:41 AM
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Re: Engaged after 7 months

Hey, Catwoman. I had wondered where you'd been!

The rational side of me says not to rush. Her history, the distance, the short-term relationship all say that this is probably not a good idea.

But then the romantic side says this can work. I have a friend who just celebrated 35 years of a good marriage. They married after 6 months of dating. And, had timing been different for me and DH, we would have gotten married 4 months after meeting.

Can you sit back and just support your friend's right to make her own mistakes? It might be easier for you than trying to change her mind.
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Old September 3rd, 2016, 01:51 PM
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Re: Engaged after 7 months

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Originally Posted by LucyVanPelt View Post
Hey, Catwoman. I had wondered where you'd been!

The rational side of me says not to rush. Her history, the distance, the short-term relationship all say that this is probably not a good idea.

But then the romantic side says this can work. I have a friend who just celebrated 35 years of a good marriage. They married after 6 months of dating. And, had timing been different for me and DH, we would have gotten married 4 months after meeting.

Can you sit back and just support your friend's right to make her own mistakes? It might be easier for you than trying to change her mind.
Hi Lucy, Im still here hehe......yes I agree I will be absolutely supporting her decision to do whatever she wants and Im genuinely happy for her. I'm just hoping shes picked a good one this time. I just asked her a few general questions yesterday out of curiosity,but I was just a little secretly surprised at how rapidly they were engaged, considering they aren't living together and she has just bought half shares in a business last year. It just worries me that she does come across as a bit hurried and desperate.Shes a very flighty excitable 30 year old.She seems a bit of a naive person, with a child like innocence.Shes been a very vulnerable girl after losing her previous partner suddenly and then met a few wierdos. Im very happy for her to start a new life with man shes happy with.....but some alarm bells do ring for me here. She wont ever know Im doubting her, Im just secretly thinking this stuff.I hardly see her anyway.....shes the ex partner of the son of the woman who was selling her house,the mother wanted me to help her a few months ago. The house has sold they told me yesterday in fleeting visit,and my friend came out with her engagement excitement....I just hope it all goes well really......I love hearing stories of people being together for 35 years, but I also think we sadly live in different times now,I think there was more of an innocence 35 years ago,people treated each other with more care and respect back then, just a thought.

Last edited by Catwoman; September 3rd, 2016 at 02:33 PM.
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Old September 3rd, 2016, 02:50 PM
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Re: Engaged after 7 months

Well, you're certainly right that a lot has changed in the last 35 years.

There's an old saying, "Hope for the best. Prepare for the worst." I don't know if you'll be able to console her if the worst happens, but I hope so. She certainly needs a friend like you.
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Old September 3rd, 2016, 03:10 PM
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Re: Engaged after 7 months

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Originally Posted by LucyVanPelt View Post
Well, you're certainly right that a lot has changed in the last 35 years.

There's an old saying, "Hope for the best. Prepare for the worst." I don't know if you'll be able to console her if the worst happens, but I hope so. She certainly needs a friend like you.
Shes a very sweet girl, very excited, friendly, bubbly a little gem really..... It was very sad when her long term partner died, a big shock for all of us. He treated her like his queen and was very loving to her. He was a lovely guy and they were together for about 8 years in their late teens to mid 20s. However they had their ups and downs and even broke up along the way. He seemed a bit immature and not wanting to rush to get married or have kids,never wanting to leave home,even at 29, so they lived together at his parents home. She said she wanted more from the relationship just before it happened, and wasnt sure about them staying together living at home with his parents. He then went away on a trip after she was pleading with him not to go and died in an accident while away which was quite shocking for her and everyone.I know they disagreed a lot towards the end. In a way I secretly think that sometimes in life things have a funny way of working themselves out, I dont think she was meant to be with her ex partner forever, and he ended up departing from her life anyway as strange as that may sound.I gave some advice at the time after his death to give herself time to grieve, but time to just have fun meeting new people and just going on dates without getting serious right away when she was ready. But she seemed to rush it every time and went through a few guys.She said she had thought about what I said about taking things slow,but couldnt help herself. She said to me yesterday about when I said to her how it has to feel right from the beginning,and she said she feels that, but I didnt want to say thats the honeymoon stage, and we are all in that stage for at least 2 years after we meet someone.......its really all up to her,and I wont be saying a thing. She even said the wedding would be in Aussy, as hes from there which I found odd,she seems to be happy to please him,and is quite taken that he is a little exotic as hes French.....her family are in Vietnam....but shes lived here most of her life and has all her friends here. She said she will send an invite in time,no date set yet as they have only been engaged 2 weeks at present,but it may be hard for her friends to all be buying tickets to Aussy, us included.It's not cheap flying to Aussy from NZ now even though we are only about 3 hours away from there.I just thought wait and see if they even get to a wedding really??....best of luck to them, I hope hes nice to her at least. I hope if they dont last its not too heartbreaking for her.

Last edited by Catwoman; September 3rd, 2016 at 03:39 PM.
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Old September 3rd, 2016, 10:54 PM
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Re: Engaged after 7 months

I was going to ask that - if they had set a date. I guess that's good that they haven't. Some people have looooong engagements. My hairdresser got engaged after 5 months, but they set the wedding date to coincide with their 2 year anniversary of dating.

She might be feeling that biological clock ticking, thinking she has to rush and get married and have kids. Are most of her friends married?

Did you get to meet the guy Catwoman? What did you think?
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Old September 3rd, 2016, 10:59 PM
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Re: Engaged after 7 months

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I was going to ask that - if they had set a date. I guess that's good that they haven't. Some people have looooong engagements. My hairdresser got engaged after 5 months, but they set the wedding date to coincide with their 2 year anniversary of dating.

She might be feeling that biological clock ticking, thinking she has to rush and get married and have kids. Are most of her friends married?

Did you get to meet the guy Catwoman? What did you think?


Hi Kaykay...no most of her friends are not married. I only saw a picture of her new fiance on her phone,she said hes in Aussy as hes working there, so I dont know much about him really.Sounds mean but he wasnt anything to look at really, but hes her choice I guess.Sounds strange she wants to get married over there,and expects everyone to catch a plane when we all live here?.I think she got excited about getting a ring and got a bit carried away.Shes got excited about every guy shes been with before this one too.Shes moved in with them a couple of weeks after meeting them. Will be interesting to see if it lasts and I really dont mean that in a mean way.I also think she was quite lonely when her partner died suddenly which would have been quite hard.Shes quite a full on person, lovely girl,very funny but talks a million miles a minute,so I think shes full on to any guy she meets,it wouldnt surprise me if the engagement was her idea?.....I told her a couple of years ago to make sure any new partners are a good match and that comes with spending time with them before committing. To be honest I started hiding online,as I didnt want to hear about every new conquest right from the start to the finish and all the fine details like the dinners they cooked each other lol.

Last edited by Catwoman; September 3rd, 2016 at 11:58 PM.
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Old September 7th, 2016, 10:09 PM
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Re: Engaged after 7 months

Hi all.....so spoke to my friend again today and she said that her and her man have been together since Feb,but have not lived together,she said his visa ran out so he had to go back to Aussy. She said she doesnt want to rush things but they have talked about getting married over in Aussy very soon because they think that will help them visa and work permit wise as far as applying to live and work there.She said he is not coming back here to live and she is selling the business she owns with her Mum here so they can be together there.I said well just be careful and you know what you are doing so all the best.She said they are a good match and get on well so thats a good thing I guess.....I did tell her to get a prenup for any large amounts of money she may have as a result of selling the busines.

I just said it would be better to get to know someone a bit first before getting married too quickly,specially as they havent actually lived together,but its really up to her. She said they have common goals but Im just a wee bit concerned that he has only lived in Aussy for 3 years (Living in France most of his life)and now they are rushing to get married....up to them completely and I said Im very happy for her,and that I will wait till she comes back to NZ to have party for her union, because she has lots of friends here too.Sounds like she rushing off to please him??....and the visa thing is a bit of a worry....its a bit of a red flag for me??....she said she met him at her business as he was a customer......she said they could have got married here,but she decided not to,however its the same thing doing it in a rush if she goes there I feel??.....Its all a bit too rushed for me.

Last edited by Catwoman; September 7th, 2016 at 10:15 PM.
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Old September 8th, 2016, 04:55 AM
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Re: Engaged after 7 months

Visa. Large sums of money. Rushed wedding. Red flags!!! You're right to be concerned.

I'm sorry you have to watch her make these decisions. I hope they aren't mistakes.
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Old September 8th, 2016, 12:27 PM
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Re: Engaged after 7 months

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Originally Posted by LucyVanPelt View Post
Visa. Large sums of money. Rushed wedding. Red flags!!! You're right to be concerned.

I'm sorry you have to watch her make these decisions. I hope they aren't mistakes.

I hope for her sake its all coincidental about the timing of the visas, and I cant lecture her on the matter as she is 30 but at least I did warn her about protection via a lawyer regarding money when she sells the business.I did say I thought they should live together first before getting married,she cant say I didnt try to warn her a little. Im also thinking he may just use her to help him get his visas and then be off....I really hope its not all as sinister as it sounds. It just says hes in a rush to me and that's suspicious.The first red flag is the fact he has only been in Aussy for 3 years,Im surprised she hasnt worked it out from there really??.I do believe that when people want to obtain residence and citizenship and they are desperate,they will go looking for gullible people to target to help them on their journey......this is one of those situations where "If it sounds too good to be true,it probably is?".....suddenly she meets the man of her dreams who is so nice to her and is going to look after her?,hes a customer and then becomes her boyfriend all in 7 months?,he then buys her a ring before returning to Oz??.She told me that he told her he was married in france for 6 years only to have his wife cheat on him with another man and she left him.......hmmmmm....this could be an effort to gain my friends trust and pity and make him look like a nice person who is hard done by???.I think it would be very easy to feed her what she wants to hear,and the fact she lost someone not long ago....gosh I hope he doesnt hurt her??.....Im so tempted to ask her to give me his full name and dob so i can at least do a google search lol.....but I think thats probably meddling as she said shes checked him out, really its up to her now......maybe something will happen to road block them,like delayed selling of the business etc??.If things take longer than expected, it might just foil his plans anyway??.....I also told her that Aussy has tightened up its rules on citizenship now and you cant even get citizenship easily unless you have moved there before 2005 and you have to be earning quite highly to be considered for it?.....doesnt sound like they have researched that either?.....oh well.

Last edited by Catwoman; September 8th, 2016 at 01:02 PM.
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