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Old September 5th, 2017, 05:16 PM
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How to deal with a 'love at first sight'?

Honestly, I can't believe how much of a coward I am.

Boys and girls have been getting together for as long as science knows. It is one of the most, if not THE most, common thing in the planet.
Yet, I can't get close to this girl and say "hi".

This goes far back. Around an year ago, some months after I moved.
One day, on my way to my therapist, while I was waiting for the bus... Oh lord, I can remember so clearly...

Across the street, this girl was walking towards the bus stop across the street. Not my bus stop. I was looking at her because she had this clothes style I really liked. She looked really cute, too.
She looked up, at her surroundings, and she saw I was looking at her. Of course, I quickly looked somewhere else in an attempt to look as if I wasn't looking, but failed, because, as I relooked at her, she was looking at me, smiling.
She had this beautiful, innocent smile.

Weeks after, the same thing happen.Again, I saw her across the street, but this time, I was carrying some food bags.

After that 2nd time, I never saw her again. This made me think she didn't live around, or maybe she used to visit someone but then stopped.

Exactly an hour ago from this very moment, I saw her again. I might be overreacting, but I honestly feel like my legs will give up on me anytime.
I knew it was her because she had this distinctive white Sony headphones. She knew I was the same guy that looked at her because both times in the past, I was wearing a black beanie, like she was also wearing the headphones.
This time, she was talking to someone, but still instinctively looked at me as I looked at her.
She smiled, and I froze. Didn't stop walking, just "mindly" froze.

I looked back over and over, waiting to see if she looked back. She did, so that confirmed it was HER.

Put in simple words, I didn't have the balls to say hi. For GOD sakes, Martin!

After returning through the same path, she wasn't there anymore.

I don't know what to do! I feel she is single and I don't want to lose this chance to talk to her. She looks like a great, humble person. I just can't think properly when these kinds of things happen. I completely shut myself.

Please! Help this stupid so-in-love man say "hi" to a girl!

Last edited by TheAverageMartin; September 6th, 2017 at 04:19 PM.
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Old September 5th, 2017, 06:04 PM
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Re: How to work around a 'love at first sight'?

Awww, Martin, that's so sweet! Songs have been written about this! (My personal fave is Lionel Ritchie's "Hello."

Practice saying "Hello" to her, mentally rehearse it, so you'll be prepared to talk to her the next time you see her. Be patient with yourself. If it's meant to be, it will be!
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Old September 5th, 2017, 06:41 PM
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KayKay KayKay is offline
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Re: How to work around a 'love at first sight'?

Do you smile at her? That's a start.
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Old September 6th, 2017, 05:51 AM
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Re: How to work around a 'love at first sight'?

Are you going to let her get away? Martin.... Go up to her and say "HI!"

Take a deep breath and DO IT!
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Old September 6th, 2017, 04:18 PM
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Re: How to work around a 'love at first sight'?

Haha, I love the replies!

I did smile to her, so I guess I did start somewhere.

I just came back from an unnecessary extensive time on the street buying unnecessary foodstuffs. I even walked a lot of unnecessary blocks to stall myself, but I didn't see her.

I forgot to mention in the 1st post that there was a dog next to her and the person she was talking too.
My guess is that she was going for, or coming back from, a walk with the dog. No backpack, comfortable clothing, headphones. Didn't see the leash, though. This made me think that I could go for a walk to the park that's closest to my house, but it'd be pretty obvious. I dunno if it'd be too "stalky". I don't want to look like a stalker, but I do want to find her.

@Knot2Loud, what's making me nervous is that I don't know what to say after "hi".
I asked several people. Some told me "talk her in a foreign language". Others said "ask her what she's listening to". What's hard for me is spontaneous talk. I don't know how to smoothly bring out a subject on the spot. I can think about a good slightly joke to make her giggle. Only problem is that if it doesn't go as planned, I can colapse.

I was thinking about being completely honest and tell her "I honestly don't know what to say. I'm afraid I might end up looking really dumb".

What do you guys suggest? How can I stop thinking before hand and develop my instinctive improvisation skill? Right now it's at lvl 3, and I haven't been able to gather a lot of EXP.

(out of context: I apologize for the title. I just realized that the word "work" makes it look like an effort when it's actually more like a heartly wish.)
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Old September 6th, 2017, 08:12 PM
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Re: How to work around a 'love at first sight'?

How about "Hi, my name is Martin?"
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Old September 7th, 2017, 05:37 AM
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Re: How to work around a 'love at first sight'?

Quote:
Originally Posted by KayKay View Post
How about "Hi, my name is Martin?"
I understand it would be the most common and safe thing to do. However, I tend to "filmicate" things, and since this whole thing started like a plot of a cheesy, corny movie, I would like it to be that "perfect". I know it's kinda stupid, seeing as how I am a grown man and not a kid. It's just that the way we looked at each other every time, it makes me feel like we already know each other. That's why I fantasize with some kind of "filmic" line, but then again, those never happen because the movies end right on the moment the guy is supposed to say something, so you're left with the best moment of the encounter, rather than the awkward silence and the stuttering of the nervous person. Do you get my point?

Now, on my rational, conscious side, I understand that the above is wrong in some way, and that I should look at it in a more realistic way. Maybe it's a good thing to be nervous. Maybe she'll see I'm really interested. Maybe she'll see a sincere man and not a cold person who has 10 perfect pickup lines in his pockets.

Would it be okay if I engaged in a talk using her dog or the music? Kinda like, out of nowhere, say "Hi *smile*. What's your dog name?" or "what are you listening to?". I was also thinking about asking her if she was going to the park so I could come along with her.
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Old September 7th, 2017, 06:05 AM
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Re: How to work around a 'love at first sight'?

Yep... "Hi, my name is Martin." That's always a good start. Then...

Look her in the eyes, smile...

1. Beautiful day (pause), but not nearly as beautiful as you.
2. Where are you going? You won't mind if I walk with you a bit (or ride or whatever).
3. Talk about you seeing her before and you just wanted to meet her.

The idea is to make her feel like you're interested in her. If she's interested in you you'll know.

Meeting a girl is like taking steps... The most difficult step is the first step. After that you'll begin to relax a bit more.

Once you make that first contact... Be certain to get her phone number. If you don't you'll be looking for her all over again and that might take weeks or months and then some other guy will probably be where you should have been.

Procrastination is the demon here. Take that first step.

If, by chance, you get rejected. Don't take it to hard. There are 7.5 billion people in this world and half are women. Trust me... There's one out there for you. Keep in mind that people are social creatures and both men and women desire to be with someone close. So, if this young lady you are interested in is currently unattached to someone. You probably stand a pretty good chance of getting to know her better. But, if you continue with this "shy" thing... You're going to lose her to someone else.
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Old September 7th, 2017, 08:21 AM
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Re: How to work around a 'love at first sight'?

Quote:
Originally Posted by TheAverageMartin View Post
I understand it would be the most common and safe thing to do. However, I tend to "filmicate" things, and since this whole thing started like a plot of a cheesy, corny movie, I would like it to be that "perfect". I know it's kinda stupid, seeing as how I am a grown man and not a kid. It's just that the way we looked at each other every time, it makes me feel like we already know each other. That's why I fantasize with some kind of "filmic" line, but then again, those never happen because the movies end right on the moment the guy is supposed to say something, so you're left with the best moment of the encounter, rather than the awkward silence and the stuttering of the nervous person. Do you get my point?

Now, on my rational, conscious side, I understand that the above is wrong in some way, and that I should look at it in a more realistic way. Maybe it's a good thing to be nervous. Maybe she'll see I'm really interested. Maybe she'll see a sincere man and not a cold person who has 10 perfect pickup lines in his pockets.

Would it be okay if I engaged in a talk using her dog or the music? Kinda like, out of nowhere, say "Hi *smile*. What's your dog name?" or "what are you listening to?". I was also thinking about asking her if she was going to the park so I could come along with her.
Yes, Martin, I get your point. But... don't try to be an actor in a film. Be your genuine self. It's better in the long run, because she needs to like *you*, not the *pretend you*.

It would absolutely be okay to engage in talk about her dog or music. That shows an interest in what she is interested in, and that's a great place to start. But tell her your name up front. That shows an openness and an honesty, that you are interested in getting to know her not just chatting her up. Plus you'll be able to gauge if she's interested on whether or not she replies with her name.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Knot2loud View Post
Look her in the eyes, smile...

1. Beautiful day (pause), but not nearly as beautiful as you.
2. Where are you going? You won't mind if I walk with you a bit (or ride or whatever).
3. Talk about you seeing her before and you just wanted to meet her.

The idea is to make her feel like you're interested in her. If she's interested in you you'll know.
Most of these are great, but *cringe* at the "not nearly as beautiful as you" remark. Stop at "It's a beautiful day" because a comment on her physical appearance is too personal for the first conversation. Save that one for after your first date. LOL. JMHO.
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Old September 8th, 2017, 05:42 AM
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Re: How to work around a 'love at first sight'?

LOL...

At my age that would be something I would tell my wife. She would love it!

Yes, KayKay is right... If you get to personal she might see you as a jerk. Just be nice, talk to her and if she's interested then everything else will follow.
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