Go Back   Friends and Family Forum > The Family Forum > Spouses & Significant Others

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old December 19th, 2012, 07:08 AM
Knot2loud's Avatar
Knot2loud Knot2loud is offline
is never to loud.
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: USA
Posts: 2,987
Knot2loud has a reputation beyond reputeKnot2loud has a reputation beyond reputeKnot2loud has a reputation beyond reputeKnot2loud has a reputation beyond reputeKnot2loud has a reputation beyond reputeKnot2loud has a reputation beyond repute
Top 10 Marriage Mistakes

Ran across this little gem while reading an article about marriage. Thought I would share since I have seen similar situations/problems crop up on this forum.

Top 10 Marriage Mistakes.

1. Lack of Respect

Don't badmouth your spouse to your friends or associates. Spouses need to be thanked. They need to know they are appreciated.

2. Not Listening to Your Spouse

This includes allowing your mind to wander, paying more attention to the computer or television set, ignoring body language, and interrupting. Expecting your spouse to be a mind reader is another big communication mistake.

Communicate: Lack of communication is a primary reason marriages fail. Couples have to learn to communicate and listen to one another effectively.


3. Lack of Sexual Intimacy

This is a death knell for a marriage. Seek medical counsel and therapeutic counseling if necessary. Don't leave your spouse wondering why you aren't interested in sex.

4. Always Having to Be Right

This includes lecturing your mate, or having to have the last word. Very few people can love a know-it-all forever. Admit when you make a mistake or that you don't have all the answers. Don't answer every simple question with a long-winded dissertation on the topic.

5. Not Walking the Talk

Actions do speak louder than words. When you say you'll do something, do it. When you say you won't do something, follow through.

6. Hurtful Teasing

If your spouse says the teasing is hurtful, considers it a put down, or thinks that it is inappropriate, then stop it. Claiming that your spouse doesn't have a sense of humor or is too sensitive is being inconsiderate and unkind.

7. Dishonesty

Having lies and secrets in your relationship can create distance and lack of trust between the two of you.

8. Being Annoying

This includes continuing to have gross personal hygiene habits, or always being late, or nitpicking everything your spouse does, etc. It is when you know you are annoying and you continue to annoy.

9. Being Selfish or Greedy

This is when you spend money on yourself, but make a big deal if your spouse spends a dime. This is not wanting to open your home to friends and family because you prefer to be alone and don't want the hassle of entertaining. This is hogging the remote, only going to cheap restaurants when you could afford better, or not watching movies your spouse wants to see.

10. Having Temper Tantrums

Every couple needs to be able to handle conflict in a constructive way. Having an angry outburst so that you can win an argument will make you the loser in the end.

Last edited by Knot2loud; December 19th, 2012 at 09:11 AM.
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old December 19th, 2012, 08:37 AM
Mrs X's Avatar
Mrs X Mrs X is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 3,917
Mrs X has a reputation beyond reputeMrs X has a reputation beyond reputeMrs X has a reputation beyond reputeMrs X has a reputation beyond reputeMrs X has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Top 10 Marriage Mistakes

Thanks for posting this Knot2loud.
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old December 19th, 2012, 09:14 AM
Knot2loud's Avatar
Knot2loud Knot2loud is offline
is never to loud.
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: USA
Posts: 2,987
Knot2loud has a reputation beyond reputeKnot2loud has a reputation beyond reputeKnot2loud has a reputation beyond reputeKnot2loud has a reputation beyond reputeKnot2loud has a reputation beyond reputeKnot2loud has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Top 10 Marriage Mistakes

I think I will add to the topics for awhile. Those are pretty generalized and could use a little beefing up.
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old December 19th, 2012, 09:28 AM
LucyVanPelt's Avatar
LucyVanPelt LucyVanPelt is offline
Moderator
 
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 9,423
LucyVanPelt has a reputation beyond reputeLucyVanPelt has a reputation beyond reputeLucyVanPelt has a reputation beyond reputeLucyVanPelt has a reputation beyond reputeLucyVanPelt has a reputation beyond reputeLucyVanPelt has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Top 10 Marriage Mistakes

I wish I had this list 20 years ago!
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old December 19th, 2012, 01:38 PM
sadnhurt sadnhurt is offline
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 4
sadnhurt is on a distinguished road
Re: Top 10 Marriage Mistakes

Thanks for this list! I'm going to write my hubby a love letter and apologize for everyone of these that I know I've done. I'm hoping maybe he'll be willing to talk about what's bothering him if he sees me taking responsibility for my mistakes. Wish me well!
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old December 20th, 2012, 04:00 AM
LucyVanPelt's Avatar
LucyVanPelt LucyVanPelt is offline
Moderator
 
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 9,423
LucyVanPelt has a reputation beyond reputeLucyVanPelt has a reputation beyond reputeLucyVanPelt has a reputation beyond reputeLucyVanPelt has a reputation beyond reputeLucyVanPelt has a reputation beyond reputeLucyVanPelt has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Top 10 Marriage Mistakes

Well wishes coming your way, sadnhurt. I'm hoping you'll be requesting a name change to "happynhealed!"
Reply With Quote
  #7  
Old December 21st, 2012, 05:37 AM
Knot2loud's Avatar
Knot2loud Knot2loud is offline
is never to loud.
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: USA
Posts: 2,987
Knot2loud has a reputation beyond reputeKnot2loud has a reputation beyond reputeKnot2loud has a reputation beyond reputeKnot2loud has a reputation beyond reputeKnot2loud has a reputation beyond reputeKnot2loud has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Top 10 Marriage Mistakes

Ran across this little gem while reading an article about marriage. Thought I would share since I have seen similar situations/problems crop up on this forum.

Top 10 Marriage Mistakes.

1. Lack of Respect

Don't badmouth your spouse to your friends or associates. Spouses need to be thanked. They need to know they are appreciated.

Respect in Marriage means feeling safe, having a best friend, someone who is a confidant and a soul mate. Distrust usually exists when there is lack of respect. Partner's who do not fully trust probably do not want to share their most intimate thoughts with each another. Secrets are only told to those that will not betray us. Emotional distance can put a wedge between two people. Respect in marriage exists when partners feel free with each another. They are not hindered by outsiders and know that they have each others back. Connectedness exists between partners who respect each other and they often feel lonely when their spouse is not close by. A relationship built on mutual respect and trust is one that is strong and not easily shaken by outside sources.

Valuing a mate is important if there is going to be respect in marriage. Partners need to value each another. Sometimes we can experience a separation that takes place with our partners and not realize at the time what has happened. A wedge can form between two people and gradually get bigger and bigger before a person realizes that something is wrong. People can grow apart and all the sudden realize that they have nothing in common anymore. Relationships have to be nurtured everyday in order to keep them alive. Communicating everyday and having a heart to heart talk can help keep partners in tune with what is going on. Show your spouse that he or she is loved and valued by listening and making the effort to show respect and trust.

Disagreements are going to happen between partners. Each spouse should keep respect in marriage by listening attentively and reverently to the other spouse. Each spouse should disagree respectfully and learn to be supportive even when the disagreement has not been solved. Give the other partner an opportunity to think about the disagreement. Try to be open-minded when there is a disagreement. Do not think that you have all the answers and the other partner is wrong. Communication is very important when there are disagreements. Do not get mad and just refuse to communicate because then nothing will get solved and there can easily be a misunderstanding when this happens.

Abusing each another is not showing respect in marriage. If there is abuse going on then the person doing the abusing needs help. The spouse who is being abused should try to communicate in order to understand what is going on. If that is not possible then intervention may be necessary. A relative, a close friend, or pastor might be able to help. In retrospect, the spouse who is being abused needs to make sure that he or she is not egging it on by being disrespectful, nagging, or making insults that degrade and humiliate.

2. Not Listening to Your Spouse

This includes allowing your mind to wander, paying more attention to the computer or television set, ignoring body language, and interrupting. Expecting your spouse to be a mind reader is another big communication mistake.

Communicate: Lack of communication is a primary reason marriages fail. Couples have to learn to communicate and listen to one another effectively.


3. Lack of Sexual Intimacy

This is a death knell for a marriage. Seek medical counsel and therapeutic counseling if necessary. Don't leave your spouse wondering why you aren't interested in sex.

4. Always Having to Be Right

This includes lecturing your mate, or having to have the last word. Very few people can love a know-it-all forever. Admit when you make a mistake or that you don't have all the answers. Don't answer every simple question with a long-winded dissertation on the topic.

5. Not Walking the Talk

Actions do speak louder than words. When you say you'll do something, do it. When you say you won't do something, follow through.

6. Hurtful Teasing

If your spouse says the teasing is hurtful, considers it a put down, or thinks that it is inappropriate, then stop it. Claiming that your spouse doesn't have a sense of humor or is too sensitive is being inconsiderate and unkind.

7. Dishonesty

Having lies and secrets in your relationship can create distance and lack of trust between the two of you.

8. Being Annoying

This includes continuing to have gross personal hygiene habits, or always being late, or nitpicking everything your spouse does, etc. It is when you know you are annoying and you continue to annoy.

9. Being Selfish or Greedy

This is when you spend money on yourself, but make a big deal if your spouse spends a dime. This is not wanting to open your home to friends and family because you prefer to be alone and don't want the hassle of entertaining. This is hogging the remote, only going to cheap restaurants when you could afford better, or not watching movies your spouse wants to see.

10. Having Temper Tantrums

Every couple needs to be able to handle conflict in a constructive way. Having an angry outburst so that you can win an argument will make you the loser in the end.
Reply With Quote
  #8  
Old December 21st, 2012, 05:40 AM
LucyVanPelt's Avatar
LucyVanPelt LucyVanPelt is offline
Moderator
 
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 9,423
LucyVanPelt has a reputation beyond reputeLucyVanPelt has a reputation beyond reputeLucyVanPelt has a reputation beyond reputeLucyVanPelt has a reputation beyond reputeLucyVanPelt has a reputation beyond reputeLucyVanPelt has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Top 10 Marriage Mistakes

Quote:
Originally Posted by Knot2loud View Post
Respect in Marriage means feeling safe, having a best friend, someone who is a confidant and a soul mate. Distrust usually exists when there is lack of respect. Partner's who do not fully trust probably do not want to share their most intimate thoughts with each another. Secrets are only told to those that will not betray us. Emotional distance can put a wedge between two people. Respect in marriage exists when partners feel free with each another. They are not hindered by outsiders and know that they have each others back. Connectedness exists between partners who respect each other and they often feel lonely when their spouse is not close by. A relationship built on mutual respect and trust is one that is strong and not easily shaken by outside sources.
Having trouble with this one today...
Reply With Quote
  #9  
Old December 21st, 2012, 05:53 AM
Knot2loud's Avatar
Knot2loud Knot2loud is offline
is never to loud.
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: USA
Posts: 2,987
Knot2loud has a reputation beyond reputeKnot2loud has a reputation beyond reputeKnot2loud has a reputation beyond reputeKnot2loud has a reputation beyond reputeKnot2loud has a reputation beyond reputeKnot2loud has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Top 10 Marriage Mistakes

Hang in there girl. I have the uptmost confidence in your ability to make things right.

.................................................. ..

On a side note... I tried to simply "add" the new info, but the forum setting do not allow editing of posts after a specified time frame. Never quite understood why this forum doesn't allow editing of personal posts indefinitely.

No matter... I'll just keep adding info the best way I can.
Reply With Quote
  #10  
Old December 21st, 2012, 06:15 AM
Knot2loud's Avatar
Knot2loud Knot2loud is offline
is never to loud.
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: USA
Posts: 2,987
Knot2loud has a reputation beyond reputeKnot2loud has a reputation beyond reputeKnot2loud has a reputation beyond reputeKnot2loud has a reputation beyond reputeKnot2loud has a reputation beyond reputeKnot2loud has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Top 10 Marriage Mistakes

Arguing...

How you argue especially how you end an argument can determine the long-term success or failure of your relationship.

A primary requirement for any fight is to maintain control. You do not have the license to be childish, abusive or immature. If you have legitimate feelings, you are entitled to give a reasonable voice to those feelings in a constructive way. (That includes not being self-righteous or taking yourself too seriously.)

"Disagreements are going to occur," says Dr. Phil. "The question is, do you go into it with a spirit of looking for resolution or do you go into it with a spirit of getting even, vengeance, control? You'll never win if you do that. If you make your relationship a competition, that means your spouse has to lose in order for you to win. It's not a competition, it's a partnership."

Here are Dr. Phil's specific rules for fighting fair.


Take it private and keep it private.
Fighting in front of your children is nothing short of child abuse. It can and will scar them emotionally all because you don't have the self-control to contain yourself until you can talk privately.

Keep it relevant.
Don't bring up old grudges or sore points when they don't belong in a particular argument. Put boundaries around the subject matter so that a fight doesn't deteriorate into a free-for-all.

Keep it real.
Deal with the issue at hand, not with a symptom of the problem. Get real about what is bothering you, or you will come away from the exchange even more frustrated.

Avoid character assassination.
Stay focused on the issue, rather than deteriorating to the point of attacking your partner personally. Don't let the fight degenerate into name-calling.

Remain task-oriented.
Know what you want going into the disagreement. If you don't have a goal in mind, you won't know when you've achieved it.

Allow for your partner to retreat with dignity.
How an argument ends is crucial. Recognize when an olive branch is being extended to you perhaps in the form of an apology or a joke and give your partner a face-saving way out of the disagreement.

Be proportional in your intensity.
Every single thing you disagree about is not an earth-shattering event or issue. You do not have to get mad every time you have a right to be.

There's a time limit.
Arguments should be temporary, so don't let them get out of hand. Don't allow the ugliness of an argument to stretch on indefinitely.
................................................

Wish I had this list 30 years ago. I was quite the jackass back then.
Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump


All times are GMT -7. The time now is 12:18 PM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.7.3
Copyright ©2000 - 2018, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Copyright 2007, The BlueSparks Network