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  #31  
Old April 19th, 2016, 09:34 AM
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Cremebrulee Cremebrulee is offline
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Re: After six years, he tells me he is not divorced...

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Originally Posted by campfirefly View Post
Yup. I am a well-educated, fairly bright individual (or so I thought). I met "Mike" online, dated him for two years before moving my 14 year old son and myself an hour away from our home of twelve years to live with he and his two boys. Although I did keep my home and job for one year, just to be sure the blending worked out, I have since sold my home, got a new job and put a $100,000 addition on his house with nothing more than a gentlemen's contract and a life insurance policy, just in case.

When we moved in, my son was very angry. Having been widowed when he was just three years old, I truly felt that the blend would be good for him. It took 1.5 years to adjust (new school, new community, new house...), but my son now calls "Mike's" sons his step-brothers and their cousins are now his cousins. My son likes and trusts "Mike."

In hindsight there were a few warning signs. "Mike's" ex is always asking for additional funds, and, although she does not work, "Mike" is quick, although cranky, to comply. When we talked about moving in together, "Mike" said that the court would not let him move out of state, so we moved here.

I love "Mike." I totally trusted him. My son has merged himself into "Mike's" family.

While purchasing a house together (to bring down his expenses so that he can afford both his "ex" wife and boys' college education), the loan officer asked for a copy of "Mike's" divorce decree. "Mike" took me for a walk and said, "I have a big pill to swallow, there is no divorce decree."

Dating, never mind living with, never mind investing in a home that is half her's, is against my values and my best judgement. I would not have done any of these things.

He knows he has broken my heart. I know I should leave, BUT this is a nice guy in every other regard, as my friends have said, if he can keep that kind of a secret, are there any honest guys left. Should I stay with the devil I know and love, for me and my son, or should I terminate? Thoughts?
I'm sorry but he isn't nice, he lied to you, and you invested not only your heart but a great deal of financial support, that you now chance to loose, not to mention your son's heart...My Gosh woman, that isn't a nice guy. Wake up and smell the roses.

I know how you want to believe he is nice, but what else has he lied to you about...how could you ever trust him again? I couldn't...

You are in denial....and you need to talk to someone for support....so that you can face what this man has done to not only you, but your son, your whole life...

You stand to loose a lot, b/c of him...unless he signs everything over to you...and does SHE know about you...b/c a woman scorned can be a viper.
I've seen the nicest women play tug of war with their children when they separate from their husbands.

I'm not trying to be mean in the lease, more so, wake you up...b/c you need to think about the future, without this man....I'm sorry, but this isn't a little white lie, this is huge!

I fear, if you stay with this man, there will be much more heartbreak for you and your boy.

How dare he do this to you, and even worse to your child....and he says I have a pill to swallow...WOW! Grrrrrrrrr

Sending prayers....
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  #32  
Old April 19th, 2016, 09:48 AM
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Cremebrulee Cremebrulee is offline
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Re: After six years, he tells me he is not divorced...

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Originally Posted by campfirefly View Post
UPDATE...

Well, it has been about 2.5 years since I first posted; yes, it took that long to step away. The house has not sold yet and the waiting was taking a toll on my heath. So, now I type from my temporary rental.

- The first issues was that the house has not sold in all this time. So, my investment is tied up. I really did not want to leave the property with that kind of money involved.

- He has not filed for divorce yet. When asked, he would show me the paperwork, tell me about the upcoming appointment with the attorney, etc. I have friends with contested divorces that were "free" after seven months. Since we split, he wrote that he had a few reasons why he didn't want to get divorced (news to me), but they were not strong enough to lose me (wow),

- The break-up happened because I said I would not move on with after the house sold if he were still married. We had a positive offer on the house (since, it fell through), and he asked why I was not sharing his search for a new place. I reminded him that I would not be moving on. With that, I was then firmly pushed out of the the house.

He does not want to see me (too painful), hear from me (too painful), nor has he made any indication that he wants me back (???).

So, it seems I am no better off than if I had walked out back when I first wrote this. Although I would have moved on to a much smaller house, I would have been able to live my life without such turmoil. I sleep better, I eat better and I haven't had any headaches since I left. I did hope for the best, but I had a feeling this would be how it would end.
I'm sorry and apologize, I don't read thru threads, simply b/c I lose train of thoughts, so I respond without knowing some times....

You may think you are no better off, but you are...believe me, you just haven't come to realize it yet....and remember, out of everything bad comes some good....so....keep on looking for the good...

You learned a very harsh lesson...which is what life is all about, and I really hope and pray, this doesn't tarnish your trust....keep dating...its always wise to be cautious, and if someone questions that, they aren't worth another look.

I think about dating or being with someone now, and become sick to my stomach....I'm at the point where I couldn't stand someone being around...., having to compromise, etc....you grow very selfish...but, on the up side, you really learn to love yourself, confidence, and to retain your identity....I really do love being alone, and the longer you are alone, the more you enjoy it.
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  #33  
Old May 3rd, 2016, 05:42 PM
campfirefly campfirefly is offline
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Re: After six years, he tells me he is not divorced...

Thank you for your thoughts and support!
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  #34  
Old May 3rd, 2016, 05:43 PM
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KayKay KayKay is offline
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Re: After six years, he tells me he is not divorced...

Any update? Have you spoken with a lawyer?
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