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Old July 31st, 2014, 03:14 PM
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Question my husband lied to me

we've been married for almost 3 years.
we havent been able to have children due to a medical issue with me.
just the other day i was telling my husband i wanted him to get tested to make sure he is OK. he just laughed. so i say..."you dont have any kids, and that why i want to make sure u are ok as well"
he stayed quite and confessed he does have a daughter.
he never met the girl because the mom didnt want him to be part of their lives.
i feel betrayed.
before we got married i asked him a dozen time if he had any kids elsewhere and his reponse was always NO.
what now???...
he lied....
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Old July 31st, 2014, 05:10 PM
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Re: my husband lied to me



Wow. This requires some serious thinking on your part. Do you think you can forgive him?

Why did he lie? How long has he known? Is he paying child support? What are the circumstances of the pregnancy? I think those are all things you need to find out.
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  #3  
Old July 31st, 2014, 06:07 PM
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Re: my husband lied to me

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Originally Posted by KayKay View Post


Wow. This requires some serious thinking on your part. Do you think you can forgive him?

Why did he lie? How long has he known? Is he paying child support? What are the circumstances of the pregnancy? I think those are all things you need to find out.
I need to second this.

Your DH's answer before you married may have been "no" because he is not that girl's father in the fullest sense of the word. But when you question his ability to have children... well, that may be a VERY different question in his mind.

Get the answers to those questions, asking in a calm and non-judgemental way. Then wait until the shock of this wears off before you make any decisions.

Let us know how you make out. (((hugs)))
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Old July 31st, 2014, 11:05 PM
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Re: my husband lied to me

If you Love your hubby find it in your heart to forgive him. I know I would. Yes, what he did was horrible. But in his mind he didn't have a ' daughter' he fathered a child. Maybe it was a one night stand, Maybe she used him so she could get pregnant, Maybe this or that... If things are good in your marriage don't let this break your happiness. I think your ego might be more hurt for the simple fact that you did not have his first child. Just pray about it and don't let that get in the way of your happiness.He might have been protecting you/his relationship with you it's obvious to me he was afraid of losing you. Be Happy, you have a wonderful husband, he is not the perfect husband, but he is imperfectly perfect for you. ~HUGGSS~
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Old August 1st, 2014, 07:54 AM
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Re: my husband lied to me

WOW is right! I'm a guy and quite honestly... I don't understand why he didn't tell you either. I mean... that's not really that unusual in this day and age. I'm not saying it's a good thing and I'm not saying it's normal.

Yes, there are questions you deserve an answer for. Hopefully, he'll be honest and answer them - that would benefit both of you.

I hope for the best for you.
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Old November 29th, 2016, 04:27 AM
fredom fredom is offline
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Re: my husband lied to me

Quote:
Originally Posted by MINAROD View Post
we've been married for almost 3 years.
we havent been able to have children due to a medical issue with me.
just the other day i was telling my husband i wanted him to get tested to make sure he is OK. he just laughed. so i say..."you dont have any kids, and that why i want to make sure u are ok as well"
he stayed quite and confessed he does have a daughter.
he never met the girl because the mom didnt want him to be part of their lives.
i feel betrayed.
before we got married i asked him a dozen time if he had any kids elsewhere and his reponse was always NO.
what now???...
he lied....
this is a sad situation because he lied to you but at the same time he does have a daughter he cant see the best way to deal with this is to sit down together and get everything of your both your chests and be honest before you can move on to been a couple again
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Old November 29th, 2016, 12:42 PM
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Re: my husband lied to me

I would find out why he left it out first?. He may have found that women he has dated in the past also were put off by finding out he has a child elsewhere,so that's why he kept it a secret with you?. He may have found it very hard to tell you?.Its most likely not about being deceptive to you on purpose, its more likely about not knowing how to tell you. I would say he loves you very much and was scared of losing you maybe if he told you.

Then of course it does matter about what involvement he has with the child,as hard as it is we have to remember its not the child's fault either. Fact is he has a child and the crucial thing is what involvement does he has in the child's life. This is the judgement of character that is important, it tells you what he is really like.Has it been proven that he is indeed the father?.If so how?.If he is the father,is he paying child support?. Id say its more about how he is with his responsibility as a father.There are many ways to be a dad and many arrangements that can be made about access and money paid. It may not be as bad as you think it will be?......since you are married to him, I would give him a chance and start talking to him and cross each bridge as you come to it,its all you can do. He obviously loves you now, and as hard as it is, keep it in mind that there is a child out there who has a dad who should be stepping up to his responsibilities anyway no matter what the circumstances of how it came to be.....the whole process may not be nearly as bad as you are imagining......best of luck take it slow and start with some communication.
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Old November 29th, 2016, 12:43 PM
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Re: my husband lied to me

After 2.5 years, I hope this situation has been resolved.
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Old November 29th, 2016, 12:48 PM
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Re: my husband lied to me

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Originally Posted by LucyVanPelt View Post
After 2.5 years, I hope this situation has been resolved.
Oh oops I didnt see the post was quite old.
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Old November 30th, 2016, 10:05 AM
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Re: my husband lied to me

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Originally Posted by Catwoman View Post
Oh oops I didnt see the post was quite old.
No worries, Catwoman. I wish the OP would come back and update. I really do hope this worked out for the best.
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