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Old March 18th, 2013, 01:52 PM
jeanie3 jeanie3 is offline
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Help

HI everyone! I am new here and looking for some advice from others who are or have gone thru the same things. I have one foot out the door on my way to divorce!! I am 47 and recently remarried (June '12) to a man who is 59. I have 3 girls ages 14,13 & 12. He has 3 grown children and an 8yr old son. His wife passed away 4yrs ago. Our issues are probably like a lot of others, KIDS. My girls are used to just the 4 of us, their dad is still in the picture but not very supportive. I have tried my best to raise 3 girls who are independent and self reliable (within reason considering their ages). We all have the same sense of humor, kind of snarky, so we tease and joke with each other. My husband sees this as my girls being disrespectful. I have explained to him that that is not the case and he has seen me get on the girls when they do try to take it too far. My girls are not perfect by any stretch and I know this. We are having a very hard time blending this family. He does EVERYTHING for his son. He lays in bed with him every night till he falls asleep. He has to be in the bathroom when his son is taking a shower (not in a creepy way). When his son plays a video game his dad has to sit on the couch and watch him. If we try to spend any time together his son constantly interrupts & my husband allows it. He will not stand up to his son, because he thinks his son has had such a terrible life because of the loss of his mother. His son knows how to manipulate, he tells his dad that he is afraid of losing him like he lost his mother, which may be true but if something better comes along he does fine without his dad. He fakes illnesses, headaches, stomach aches he will say he threw up when he doesn't so he has all of his dad's attention. It is tearing this family apart, my girls hate the way my husband treats me when his son is around (which is all the time) he acts like I don't even exist because he is afraid it will upset his son. The girls are very resentful to his son because of this as well. I know what you all are thinking but it was not like this. We dated and were engaged for over a year before we married and we did not live together till we were married. Then about 6wks after is when it all started happening. His son starting in with the manipulating and playing his dad and it just keeps getting worse. I know this is long winded and there is even more that can be added. I just don't know what to do, I have tried every approach.... understanding, anger, begging, pleading nothing seems to work. Is there any hope?????
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Old March 18th, 2013, 01:56 PM
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KayKay KayKay is offline
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Re: Help

Hi jeanie!

Welcome. I'm sorry for your situation. I think snafu will be a good person to help with this.... it may help you to read some of her posts. She has struggled for years with a husband, step-daughter, and the guilt her husband feels from the death of his first wife.
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Old March 18th, 2013, 06:06 PM
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snafu snafu is offline
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Re: Help

(aside - my first post vanished )


wow - , I've been there, done that


first - family counciling ASAP

next - find out if your library has/can get the book "Motherless Daughters", by Hope Edleman. You may not be dealing with a daughter, but from what little you "said" I think you can realte.

also - I agree with Kaykay - check out my old threads
you'll see that you're not the only one
there's good advice from others
my expereinces may help you (& I may learn a ting or two when you post)
additionally - do you have pics up of the "other" parents? One thing that worked well was when I asked DSD & DS to pick out their favorite pics on them & the other parent to hang up. I also took the kids out & bought the frames that best suited the pics, not the cheapest frames.

last, but not least ... remember, you can lead a DH to counciling, but you can't make him follow the councilor's recomemdations - after the councilor told us that in order for our marriage to be successful things needed to change, DH told me that he wasn't going to make any changes until his DD was out of high school.
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