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Old November 25th, 2013, 07:00 PM
marshall marshall is offline
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Lazy, irresponsible stepfather.

Let me preface this by saying I am a 45 year old man. My mom married a guy 3 years older than me many years ago. He is a good enough person, but that's where it ends. My mom passed last year. This is where the problems start.

My family house was purchased in the 50's by my Great Grandparents and it's where I grew up. After they passed, their son (my uncle) and my grandmother lived there, not long after my mom moved in with my step father. This was probably 15 or so years ago. My mom was a hoarder to a point, but not all that terrible considering three generations of stuff was in the house. She did however, like chihauhas and had 7 of them at one time. the dogs pooped and peed in the house a lot and the house started to smell, but she tried to keep on top of it. After she passed, my stepfather remained in the house and lets the dogs simply poop and pee everywhere and he cleans it up only when it is totally impossible to walk without stepping on poop. The other problem is he and my mom avoided paying the taxes for years and the house was close to a sherrifs sale. After she passed, I made him use the life insurance money to square away 16K in back taxes.

Now, a little over a year later, he's not paying them again. He has no other bills other than utilities, which get shut off regularly, and he and the three remaining dogs are destroying what is left of the house.

It's driving me nuts because it's where I grew up and the house is in such a state of disrepair that I can't even bear to go in it anymore. However, it just pisses me off the total lack of respect he has for the house. He lives there for free. There is still a ton of my families stuff in there too. Now he let some loser he works with crash there for free.

I can't take possession of the house because my stupid family never transfered the deed correctly from my Great Granparents, but it's eating me up inside seeing what it has become.

My wife and dad said let it go, and I try too, but I just can't seem to do it.

Any advice is welcome.
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Old November 25th, 2013, 08:12 PM
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KayKay KayKay is offline
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Re: Lazy, irresponsible stepfather.

I am so, so sorry.

May I ask... who does own the house legally? That is the only person who can remove your stepfather. If your stepfather "owns" it (legally), do you think he'd be willing to be bought out? Would you be able to afford that option?

Who "legally" owns your family's stuff that is in there? If it's you, you can get it out! He can live in a bare house if he needs to.

Your situation would drive me crazy too, and I'm sorry for it.
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Old November 25th, 2013, 08:15 PM
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Re: Lazy, irresponsible stepfather.

sorry for your loss

I have to agree with your family... you need to let it go (I had a cousin burn down the house our grandfather built- a lot of family stuff got destroyed too)
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Old November 26th, 2013, 05:24 AM
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Re: Lazy, irresponsible stepfather.

I'm very sorry, too.

Have you spoken with a lawyer? Knowing what can legally be done and at what cost may ease your mind.

And have you called your county healthy department, ASPCA, or code enforcement? They may be able to help with some of the animal and repair issues.
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Old November 26th, 2013, 06:08 AM
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Re: Lazy, irresponsible stepfather.

An unfortunate situation. I guess for your own peace of mind consulting a lawyer (what Lucy stated) would be your first step in finding out what legal actions you can take.
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Old December 3rd, 2013, 10:58 AM
asnoraford asnoraford is offline
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Re: Lazy, irresponsible stepfather.

There is very little you can do if you do not own the property. However, there are sometimes community advocates and counselors that would be willing to go with you to the house to talk about the house and his ability to live in a healthy environment.

I would wonder if there was more going on here than just laziness since he is by himself, in filth, and only 3/7 living dogs. He may be dealing with the grief in his own way.

All the best,

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Old December 8th, 2013, 03:34 PM
marshall marshall is offline
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Re: Lazy, irresponsible stepfather.

Thanks all....

Here's the situation. The house is still in my great grandparents name, both of which have been dead for 25+ years, and my great uncles name (their son) who has been dead 10+ years. My uncle at one point had a trust to have the house transfered into a trust that would then go to my mom, and in her passing, me, my one brother, and my son. However, he put my other brother in charge of it (who lived with him) and he never executed the trust. I think this was my mom and her husbands doing because since the house wasn't in their name, they could avoid paying taxes until a sherrifs notice loomed, then they would pay enough to get the county/boro off their backs and slide for a while. When she passed, they were over 16K behind on taxes which is roughly 5 years worth. So we made my step dad pay them up last year and all was cool and considering there is no mortgage on the house, all he had to do was basically save $350 each month for taxes.

My wife and I already consulted an attorney, (she's a paralegal) and we were told because the trust was never executed, the house would have to go through probate for my great grand parents, then my uncle, and then my mother and along the way, we would have to pay all the inheritance tax that should have been paid since it wasn't put in the trust correctly. All in all it was looking like 30K+.

That wouldn't be so bad because other homes in the area sell for around 80K to 100K. The problem is since my mom passed, my stepfather keeps the dogs in the "tv" room in the house for 12 hours straight and the poop and pee all over everything. The house smells like a damn kennel. Even the basement, where the dogs never go smells like a kennel as do the rooms in the upstairs where the dogs don't ever go. It's that bad. The floors and walls would all need ripped out. It needs a roof too. So in the end, it would probably cost me 30K to get it transfered, then another 40K at least to fix it, and I might net 10K if I was lucky. Plus it's 3 hours away so it;s not something I deal with daily.

The biggest thing I am having an issue with is watching the home I grew up in be treated like a dog kennel, and being basically destroyed by someone not even related to me by anything other than marriage. it's like this guy is taking total advantage of the situation until the notice goes on the door again, and he decided to say screw it and moves out, leaving me with the mess to clean up. My other brothers don't seem to give a crap that it's happening.

There is still family stuff in the house that needs to come out, but I can't bear to be in there for more than a few minutes because of the smell.

It's just hard to let all this go.
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Old December 9th, 2013, 07:40 PM
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Re: Lazy, irresponsible stepfather.

(hugs)

I'm sorry for your pain. at least you won't have to clean it out. I've cleaned out a hoarders junk before... including the dead cat, dead opossum, and one of my BILs wanted a drink after he encountered the live opossum. it took multiple dumpsters and over a week with 6 people ( we even burned some stuff)
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Old December 10th, 2013, 06:13 AM
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Re: Lazy, irresponsible stepfather.

Yuk, snafu!

Marshall, you are wise enough to know that saving the house is not financially feasible. Your treasures may already be lost to you. Rather than focus on "things," find a way to preserve your memories. Do you paint or draw? Or write?
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Old December 14th, 2013, 08:25 PM
marshall marshall is offline
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Re: Lazy, irresponsible stepfather.

Hi again

After yet another 3 hour drive to get more stuff out, I was suprised that the house didn't smell as bad as it did this past summer. I guess his new roomie is keeping up with it somewhat. The part that sucked this time was his new room mate moved into one of the only rooms not trashed, pulled everything out of it and decided to simply put all my grandmothers stuff in a big pile in another room, and then subsequently pile all of his crap in the remaining two rooms that I had straightened up. It was like walking back into another disorganized mess. Absolutely no respect from my stepfather or his friend. Now I have to dig through all his crap too.

I am hopeful in a couple of weeks, I can get he last of what I want out and walk away. I cannot believe the level of disrespect. My two brothers who live within a few miles have done nothing to help the situation either. I am pretty much done with all three of them. I hate it, because outside of my dad (they had a different one) they are the only family I have left. My wife says let it go too.

That house was where my family went through 4 generations of holidays, graduations, births, grandkids, etc... and it's been reduced to a flop house, kennel and garbage dump by someone who doesn't even have any sort of blood relation to the name on the deed.

What will ultimately happen is he will live there for free, then when the sherrifs notice hits the door, he'll walk away and leave it to be condemned.

that's the part that sucks
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