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Old September 12th, 2019, 01:18 PM
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Things have certainly changed

Several years ago my son left his wife and divorced her. Since then he has met a new gal…and has been dating her for 2 years….my grand-daughter loves her and she and I get along so well….

I waited for a while to post this, b/c those of you who know me, know the problems I had with my son’s wife. I was so upset, when they first separated, but as time went by I’ve observed a whole new person in my son’s personality, they way he used to be years ago. Happy, content, and no longer nervous. He is at peace now.

I feel very sorry for his ex, in many ways, however, it surely doesn’t excuse the way she negatively affected so many lives and still does. She is now dating someone, and I pray for his poor mother….

It’s so rewarding to observe him with his new love. How well they work together, it’s as if they were made for each other….the blend is amazing. The difference is, she lived all over the world, as they had to travel for her father’s corporate career. She is confident, is a take charge type person, and doesn’t care what others think about her. She is kindhearted and it reflects off of her, like a neon sign.

She is a people magnet, everyone adores her, and last night, after dinner, while they were leaving she gave me the biggest heartfelt hug….what a joy! They come over once a week for dinner, and the bonus is, her daughter and my grand-daughter are best of friends, plus she is a positive influence on my grand-daughter.

My son’s ex kept everyone to herself the best she could and was so jealous of anyone who got to close to them….especially me. She made my son’s life miserable with much heartache for 18 years, not to mention what she did to me, no matter how much I tried. In order to have any kind of relationship with my grand-daughter and son, I had to submit to her and assume all the blame. But as in all things Karma does get it’s way….I don’t wish her any bad, but I will never forget or forgiver her for what she did, and how many people she hurt….mental illness can cause so many people so much pain. If she went for help I think many would forgive her…but she refuses. It’s everyone else’s fault.

Even though my son’s new love is 20 years younger than myself, I cherish her opinions….she is not perfect, by any means, none of us are, but she brings out the best in my son…..unlike his first wife.

While I cannot imagine what he put up with for so long, b/c he never ever says anything negative about her….ever….to this day, I don’t know what it was that made him leave her….but I know it was bad. Personally I believe he thought long and hard about leaving her for many years, b/c of his daughter.
His new love is priceless and I’m so thankful to God he met her, as she has changed all of our lives in such a positive way.

I have moved to the town where they live, and it’s such a joy to have my son back, including my grand daughter who stops by and my new soon to be daughter in law.

I’m writing this only to say, even though most of you who remember me were daughter in laws, I came into this forum for help….I was so lost, hurt, and desperate, for someone to help, just by saying, we believe you. Not many of you did.

Remember not every Mother in law is a bad person, and not every daughter in law’s are bad people….sometimes it’s a personality conflict…sometimes, people are certifiable….and sometimes, we all need help at some time or another….you never know what a person is living thru, until you walk in their shoes.
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Old September 12th, 2019, 07:43 PM
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Re: Things have certainly changed

Welcome back, Creme!

I'm sorry to hear that your son and DIL divorced, but I'm glad that it actually is for the best. I'm so happy to hear that he is back to his old self and that his girlfriend is so loved!

I know I didn't believe you. My experience was from the other side. I am sorry. I am glad I was wrong, but I'm sorry I could not be a support for you.
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Old September 12th, 2019, 09:06 PM
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Re: Things have certainly changed

Glad things are going well for your DS and DGD.
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Old September 13th, 2019, 07:38 AM
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Re: Things have certainly changed

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Originally Posted by snafu View Post
Glad things are going well for your DS and DGD.
me to, Snafu, me to...thank you...and wishing you always the best. I believe my son is also very relieved that she and I get along so well...really admire and willingly accept her opinion, and she surely doesn't hold back...lol, part of the reason I love her so much....plus how happy and contented my son is with her....they really love each other and are so happy.
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Old September 21st, 2019, 09:04 AM
rattlesnake rattlesnake is offline
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Re: Things have certainly changed

Hello Cremebrulee,

I am a person who has sought comfort on forums too and did find some here, but also went to counseling. There is a tendency for people to see things through their own lens of experience and this can even include counselors, but fortunately I was able to find one who seemed to be able to look at all that I could share with him, including areas where I might have done something better or differently, and I think he very fairly asserted that people can truly be mentally ill (such as borderline personality or bipolar disorder) and this does not hand-select specific groups like only MILS or only DILs.

I would almost say it sounds like my DS married your DS's ex but I know that is not the case because she was never married before and never had children. But my situation is kind of opposite. His first wife was nice as pie and we got along great. Things were strained for sure after the divorce but since his remarriage she and I have rekindled our friendship. I am so glad to have her back in my life because though she is far from perfect like the rest of us, she is a kind, good hearted person, and I'm proud to say I love her like a daughter.

My new DIL, on the other hand despises me and I just don't see that ever changing even though I have made it clear to my DS that I will always be civil to her, invite her when our family does things, and so on.

All the best to your son and his future wife, and your whole family.
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Old September 25th, 2019, 03:42 PM
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Re: Things have certainly changed

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Originally Posted by rattlesnake View Post
Hello Cremebrulee,

I am a person who has sought comfort on forums too and did find some here, but also went to counseling. There is a tendency for people to see things through their own lens of experience and this can even include counselors, but fortunately I was able to find one who seemed to be able to look at all that I could share with him, including areas where I might have done something better or differently, and I think he very fairly asserted that people can truly be mentally ill (such as borderline personality or bipolar disorder) and this does not hand-select specific groups like only MILS or only DILs.

I would almost say it sounds like my DS married your DS's ex but I know that is not the case because she was never married before and never had children. But my situation is kind of opposite. His first wife was nice as pie and we got along great. Things were strained for sure after the divorce but since his remarriage she and I have rekindled our friendship. I am so glad to have her back in my life because though she is far from perfect like the rest of us, she is a kind, good hearted person, and I'm proud to say I love her like a daughter.

My new DIL, on the other hand despises me and I just don't see that ever changing even though I have made it clear to my DS that I will always be civil to her, invite her when our family does things, and so on.

All the best to your son and his future wife, and your whole family.
well, I'm so sorry to hear that you've experienced this....what I did in the end was contact her and assume all blame....unfortunately she is a person who refuses to take ownership...it's everyone else's fault. So, in the end, we were getting along, only b/c I did so and had to, if I wanted any kind of relationship with my son and grand daughter.

When my son contacted me and told me that he left her, I felt awful, no one wants to see a marriage break up.

But now I see it was all for the best. My DIL has severe mental problems, but refuses to go for help....as I said, it's always everyone else and everyone is against her. honestly I believe she is angry most of the time and doesn't know why. I feel bad for her but most of the time I'm so now happy he did leave her, b/c he is back to himself, happy, joking, talks so much more, and while he never says a thing about her, personally believe he stayed so long b/c of their daughter.

It's over now, and I don't wish her any harm, what I do wish is that she would go for counseling but that will never happen. It would be a long road and struggle for her, but in the end, well worth it.

I hope things change for you, perhaps you and DIL could go for counseling together....I firmly believe in counseling.....

My best to you.
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Old September 13th, 2019, 07:37 AM
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Re: Things have certainly changed

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Originally Posted by LucyVanPelt View Post
Welcome back, Creme!

I'm sorry to hear that your son and DIL divorced, but I'm glad that it actually is for the best. I'm so happy to hear that he is back to his old self and that his girlfriend is so loved!

I know I didn't believe you. My experience was from the other side. I am sorry. I am glad I was wrong, but I'm sorry I could not be a support for you.
Thank you Lucy, it's fine, no worries....and thank you for the well wishes.....
it was probably the worst time in my life, but, you live and learn....I am an extremely verbal and animated person when I talk, so its probably understandable that many here did not believe me.

I thank you kindly...hope all is well with you.
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