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  #21  
Old December 2nd, 2008, 04:37 AM
cuddles cuddles is offline
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Re: Daughter dating a 'loser'

Look at the posts from all of these parents! Yes, there are people that are 'losers' ın lıfe- I have known many! Thıs guy has no educatıon, a job wıth no skıll where he makes no money, and has no ambıtıon to lıve anywhere but ın the slums. He spends hıs tıme hangıng out ın a sleazy bar drınkıng all the tıme. He has called up and yelled at me for no reason, and has no concern for my daughter's real well beıng- talkıng her out of goıng to school and havıng anythıng to do wıth her famıly. You would lıke your daughter to go out wıth hım-??

She ıs certaınly not tryıng to be nıce, eıther. She hurt her 13 year old brother terrıbly. When she left after 3 and a half weeks after we spent all the money on an apartment for her to go to school, she had promısed her cats to my son. He adored them, and they were so sweet. We all loved them. She got mad at us, and took them to the anımal shelter wıthout tellıng us, and they were dead 2 days later, before I could track them down. Her brother crıed and crıed. We have also sent her lovıng notes and cards, and she sends them back unopened. I wouldn't call that tryıng to be a nıce person at all.
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  #22  
Old December 2nd, 2008, 09:24 AM
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KayKay KayKay is offline
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Re: Daughter dating a 'loser'

I'm sorry, cuddles. My DD is only 12, but I can try to imagine how painful it would be for me if she behaved that way.
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  #23  
Old December 4th, 2008, 07:04 AM
Mandee Mandee is offline
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Re: Daughter dating a 'loser'

Quote:
Originally Posted by cuddles View Post
Look at the posts from all of these parents! Yes, there are people that are 'losers' ın lıfe- I have known many! Thıs guy has no educatıon, a job wıth no skıll where he makes no money, and has no ambıtıon to lıve anywhere but ın the slums. He spends hıs tıme hangıng out ın a sleazy bar drınkıng all the tıme. He has called up and yelled at me for no reason, and has no concern for my daughter's real well beıng- talkıng her out of goıng to school and havıng anythıng to do wıth her famıly. You would lıke your daughter to go out wıth hım-??

She ıs certaınly not tryıng to be nıce, eıther. She hurt her 13 year old brother terrıbly. When she left after 3 and a half weeks after we spent all the money on an apartment for her to go to school, she had promısed her cats to my son. He adored them, and they were so sweet. We all loved them. She got mad at us, and took them to the anımal shelter wıthout tellıng us, and they were dead 2 days later, before I could track them down. Her brother crıed and crıed. We have also sent her lovıng notes and cards, and she sends them back unopened. I wouldn't call that tryıng to be a nıce person at all.
Gawd, cuddles! That makes me sick about those cats! Sounds like your daughter was trying to hurt you all.

And that makes so much sense to me being as how my daughter can't seem to enjoy her loser boyfriend unless she's hurting me in the process.

She left here Sunday Nov 30. Said she was moving into an apartment. She didn't know the address to give me. She has not called. I don't know where she is. Sadly, she's waiting for me to call her and see if she's OK so she can ***** about me bothering her and being an overprotective mother. That's what she always does and this time I'm not calling her and playing into her hands. She's with her boyfriend. I know that much. If she wasn't with him she'd not be acting this way. That's history too. She's always a brat when she's with him being all grown up. She did this with her previous boyfriend too...also a loser....honestly, she's been mad with us ever since her dad told her when she was young that he hoped she grew up and married a guy who had something on the ball so he wouldn't ever have to worry she was hungry or anything. Big mistake! Now all she does is go for complete losers and claims Love means you can be happy starving and living in a ditch as long as you love your guy.
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  #24  
Old December 31st, 2008, 03:45 AM
mtk375 mtk375 is offline
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Re: Daughter dating a 'loser'

Well, I have a 63 year old mother who is doing the same thing, so don't feel bad! I'm trying to figure out how to get rid of him on my own. It is unbelievable, she has said at times how bad he is, and yet, she stays with him. He is a bookie and makes no money. He has said he will never get a real job! She is running out of money and says if she has to work then he has to work. I already know she will work and he wont and she will do nothing about it. Anyways, if anyone has some good ideas to get rid of hime let me know!

Good Luck!
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  #25  
Old August 20th, 2009, 05:33 AM
Fishman Fishman is offline
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Re: Daughter dating a 'loser'

It really hurts when you see someone you love with someone who you know is not good for them.
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  #26  
Old December 21st, 2009, 06:49 PM
ladydi ladydi is offline
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Re: Daughter dating a 'loser'

Hi! I tried to post a private message to Becky, having similar probs...but I havent posted here yet, so it wouldnt go out to her....so when i can access the message, i may just post it here...please stand by...
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  #27  
Old December 21st, 2009, 07:59 PM
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Re: Daughter dating a 'loser'

Hi ladydi and welcome!

Just to let you know in case Becky doesn't reply... Becky hasn't posted here (or logged on) since November, 2008. If you send her a PM, there's a chance she has since changed her e-mail address (or has the defaults set so she won't get email notification) and won't know about it.

I hope she does get the message though. I'd like to know how she's doing.
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  #28  
Old December 24th, 2009, 05:56 PM
ladydi ladydi is offline
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Re: Daughter dating a 'loser'

Me too...I think we could swap notes.
I will be back here after some Christmas goings ons
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  #29  
Old December 27th, 2009, 08:17 PM
ladydi ladydi is offline
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Re: Daughter dating a 'loser'

Ok here I is...a little paranoid of being here....
Here are bits I wrote to Becky...any ideas folks?

I just was reading thru All Grown Up A place to discuss "adult" children.

Your letter caught my eye, because I am having a hard time dealing with my beautiful, smart, responsible 20 year old daughter, possibly going down a wrong path.
My daughter still lives at home...is involved in ballet, theatre, college, part time work,and 33 year old boyfriend.
He is sort of a nice guy in some ways...slightly hippie/rasta...has only bit jobs, no schooling, does circus stuff. I think he smokes pot, but my daughter is totally straight...
I think she likes the theatrical side of him...they met doing a play.
He lives in a communial home situation...I said is that what u want for your life etc etc....
I told her never quit ur little job while u are doing college, cause there isnt many jobs around at the moment...I think he thinks they will make money doing circus camp! I still have her listening to me so far...but his pull is coming on. I told her not to rush into stuff etc....
This lady could have a super duper guy...what is wrong with her?
How are u handling things? What works to get them to listen?
I dont want her to be poor forever...I wish i could have put her thru university(meet some good guys there)...I do just about have her thru college.
Any ideas...

Last edited by ladydi; December 27th, 2009 at 08:19 PM. Reason: showed my name
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  #30  
Old January 9th, 2010, 06:01 AM
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LucyVanPelt LucyVanPelt is offline
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Re: Daughter dating a 'loser'

Hi, ladydi. I'm sorry I missed this post.

Do what you can to be positive with your daughter. Children of all ages respond best to positive feedback. They thrive on it. Negative feed back is something that they want to avoid and it makes them feel criticized.

Staying positive goes double for "adult" children because we have absolutely no control over their choices. They don't have to listen to us. You want to be positive so that your daughter will listen.

So she's doing well in school, you tell her, "I'm so proud of your hard work!" When she makes a bad choice, tell her, "You are a smart girl. We all make mistakes. However, you are doing so well, look at the smart choices you made here ___."

If she knows that you are her #1 cheerleader, she will come to you for help. She will know that she can count on your support.

And, to relieve your mind a little, I myself dated a loser at 20. My poor mother was terrified. She never said much about him to me until much later. After dating for 2 years, I realized that he was never going to be the right guy for me and I found a great guy that my parents love. We just celebrated 19 years!
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