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Old July 15th, 2011, 04:16 PM
Rocketfreak Rocketfreak is offline
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My sister is a loser!?

Greetings!

I've been experiencing extreme problems with my 24 year old sister, lately. First off, she still lives at home with us, second she has aways had a history of dating complete losers and freaks...but now, it's really starting to get to me. She has changed so much in the past..year. Now she's got this new guy, (she has kept her relationship with him a secret, because she knows that if she dares to bring him home we'll disapprove) ..and like all the others, no education, skanky/trashy, smokes at least weed (if it gets any worse than that she breaks up with them, ..she doesn't stand for drugs [thank the Lord]), and has no class. While this is not much of a surprise, ..all I can say is that it's even worse. Her new boyfriend is a piercing guy who works at a tattoo shop and went to the lowest rated high school in probably all of Florida...tattoos all over him...and she's changing along with him!!!!! She used to be cool, ya know..she used to be Ashley..just..herself! Now she's all into metal music and she dresses like a dirt ball, curses a lot and has turned into a liar. Her new self is disgusting..I can't even stand being around her,.. I look forward to 3:00..when she goes to work and I don't have to watch her mope around the house all day stuffing her face with everything she can find, in her pajamas. She thinks she's the most beautiful girl in the world (will come right out and say it) but she constantly depends and craves others to tell her that she's beautiful. My mom told me that's why she dates these trash balls ..because they always tell her how lucky they are to score such a girl and always say she's so beautiful blah blah blah. She's by no stretch of the imagination a bad/evil person, but she's just not living up to her potential. She's a college dropout and works as a CNA for now. She really is a smart girl, (3.7 GPA when in college) but she's just not herself. She has gotten to the point where she doesn't even care what we think of her or her friends/boyfriends and it seems that nothing we say can or will change her mind. I know she could get any guy she wants to, because she has every guy in town practically drooling over her but she's just attracted to the skanky dirt balls...ugh...it's sick. I can't stand it anymore. Out of all her boyfriends she's ever had, she's had one nice/hot guy, Ben. But even he was crazy (emotionally..) ..almost committing suicide after their break up. ..Any advice on how to not care? I wish I could just go back to the age where I didn't understand or care to understand about her boyfriends. Now I'm 15, and I see my sister going down the tubes more and more. I'm just praying to God that she doesn't come home with a tattoo ...then I will really have lost her.. There's no point in talking to her about it b/c all she does is get pissed off and she just doesn't listen! Nothing works. She does not like to be told what to do...so instead of even try anymore..I just want to not care..Any tips? Thanks, I appreciate it!
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Old July 15th, 2011, 06:00 PM
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Re: My sister is a loser!?

((hugs))

sigh.... I don't have any words of wisdom, the only thing I can think of is you can learn from her mistakes.
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Old July 15th, 2011, 06:31 PM
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KayKay KayKay is offline
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Re: My sister is a loser!?

I don't think you can NOT care. Has she been evaluated for depression? Can you suggest to your parents that they pay for a little bit of therapy? I'd try to make sure she knew how highly you think of *her* (not necessarily her choices).

My college roommate was like that. She was drop dead gorgeous and Miss Perfect Score on the SAT. Yet she only attracted losers who let her support them (and their habits) and even sometimes physically abused her. I never understood it. She was worth so much more than that.

P.S. About the tattoo - there are so many worse things she can come home with... don't disown her over a tattoo.
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Old July 15th, 2011, 07:39 PM
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Re: My sister is a loser!?

@KayKay - Exactly. My sister is awesome, she really is...but I want the old her back...this new one...well let's just say no one really likes the new Ash. A couple of these guys....if you had shown them to me 3 years ago and said "your sister is going to go out with this guy" I'd be like "what the hell are you smoking..get this outta my face." ...it's like this new guy is the last thing I'd ever ..EVER expect her to date... even through some of the scum she's brought home in the past yrs! this is just whack!!! ..as for depression..she has anxiety problems...dunno about depression tho... why cant she just give the collegiate "mr. nice guy" look a chance... y these ppl... god it makes me sick just lookin at them!!! she hangs out at a damn TATTOO PARLOR..!. this has gone too far!!

She's my sis n I gotta try my best to get her out of this freak show... she'll never listen tho and I tried..but all she calls me is a snob... it drives me nuts and I'm so concerned..
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Old July 15th, 2011, 07:53 PM
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Re: My sister is a loser!?

Maybe it's just a stage she's going through. I'm a straight-laced mom in my late 40's. People who know me now would be surprised to talk to people who knew me in college. Honestly, I know you want what's best for your sister, but it's not really up to you to parent her. That's your parents' job. BUT... I think some well placed building up ("You are so pretty... I especially like your eyes" and "I'm worried about college - how did you do so well?") is something you can do that would be helpful.
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Old July 16th, 2011, 06:16 AM
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Re: My sister is a loser!?

Quote:
Originally Posted by KayKay View Post
Maybe it's just a stage she's going through. I'm a straight-laced mom in my late 40's. People who know me now would be surprised to talk to people who knew me in college. Honestly, I know you want what's best for your sister, but it's not really up to you to parent her. That's your parents' job. BUT... I think some well placed building up ("You are so pretty... I especially like your eyes" and "I'm worried about college - how did you do so well?") is something you can do that would be helpful.
This exactly, especially the "you are not her parent" part.

But I understand how you feel. I have a brother who makes me crazy!!! I do not know how he ended up as he did. The stories he tells, his life style... did we really grow up together? Sometimes I am disgusted by him. But he is my brother. All I can do is accept that he is who he is. I'm quick to support him when he's doing the right thing and try to ignore his bad decisions. What else can I do? I didn't raise him.
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Old July 16th, 2011, 06:54 AM
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Re: My sister is a loser!?

She's 9-10 yrs older than you... I dno't know you or your sister & every family is different.

That being said - some kids/families do not adjust well going from a single child household to multiple kids. Additionally, are you whole, half, or step sibs - that can affect things toos.



My OS, who is 48 yr old still has problems (I'm 2 yr younger). My parents lost thier first child/pregnacy, then had OS (she became/was the first GD & the GC's first born). Two years later DM had gave birth to twins- OS went from being the center of attention to the OS of "the twins" -
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Old July 17th, 2011, 03:07 PM
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Re: My sister is a loser!?

yeah yeah but ugh this guy is .... I despise him.. it would only be vulgar words to describe him that I refuse to use so...what's the point ..I really shouldn't get too excited over it b/c I know there's no chance of her marrying this ...whatever he is.. Despite her poor taste I know she wouldn't marry someone the whole family dislikes. ..deff. wouldnt happen. ....just gotta wait..time has to go by..

ahh ..just-radiohead
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Old July 17th, 2011, 03:35 PM
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Re: My sister is a loser!?

Whatever you do, don't lay that dare on the table. She may go ahead and marry him just to get back at you (and your parents) for not liking him. Don't make her chose between your family and him.

Seriously... talk to your parents about this. They may have a strategy for dealing with him and you need to be working with them and not against them. Do they hate him as much as you do?
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Old July 18th, 2011, 05:48 AM
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Re: My sister is a loser!?

Quote:
Originally Posted by KayKay View Post
Whatever you do, don't lay that dare on the table. She may go ahead and marry him just to get back at you (and your parents) for not liking him. Don't make her chose between your family and him.
Definitely don't make that dare. I've seen this happen to many times. Then they blame other people for their misery.

My take on this is to let her go. The only thing you can do it love your sister no matter what choices in life she makes. Don't give her an out to blame anyone but herself. You can have a serious brother/sister talk with her and express your concerns, but it all comes down to whatever choice she makes for her own life.

You're going to have to come to terms with yourself first.
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