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Old August 14th, 2011, 06:50 AM
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Did you really grow up in the same house?

Sometimes when siblings get together, their "memories" of events are so different that I wonder, "Did you really grow up in the same house?" I've seen it with my mother and her siblings, my BFF and her siblings, and now I'm seeing it with my siblings.

What do you think causes that?

I'm voting for too many concussions and illegal drug use, but maybe you have a better explanation?
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Old August 14th, 2011, 11:28 AM
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Re: Did you really grow up in the same house?

I didn't know you were into illegal drugs Lucy.

Not being into it myself and not being aware of any concussion, nor having any siblings, I can only relate it to experiences me and my mum share.

I have perceptions of incidents, and things my mum did. However, my mum remembers them as things I did. I feel now as an adult I can reflect on my actions and am self aware but my mum doesn't seem to do the same. She doesn't take responsibilty for anything.

I remember as a child my mum not talking to me for a week, because I'd apparently told her I hated her (which I never remembered saying). When I look back now as an adult, I am guessing it was probably a day tops. Not that It makes it right.

I guess people remember things how they chose to remember them. Maybe if you're a glass half empty person, you will remember the same incident from a different viewpoint to a glass half full person. If two children saw their parents fight, and each one was a different parent's favourite, maybe that's what leads to each child blaming the other parent. Maybe the parent has "explained" things differently from one child to the other.
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Last edited by Annsdil; August 14th, 2011 at 12:50 PM.
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Old August 14th, 2011, 03:46 PM
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Re: Did you really grow up in the same house?

Interesting! I grew up in the Waikato in the middle of the north island, and obviously Mum was there! Last week talking to her on the phone she adamantly stated "We never got one single earthquake when we lived there!" - (We had them every couple of weeks for the whole 13 years i lived there. I remember her telling me that it would be a better idea not to sit on the concrete wall during one of them, lol.)
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Old August 15th, 2011, 05:35 AM
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Re: Did you really grow up in the same house?

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Originally Posted by Mrs X View Post
Interesting! I grew up in the Waikato in the middle of the north island, and obviously Mum was there! Last week talking to her on the phone she adamantly stated "We never got one single earthquake when we lived there!" - (We had them every couple of weeks for the whole 13 years i lived there. I remember her telling me that it would be a better idea not to sit on the concrete wall during one of them, lol.)
That's exactly the type of thing I'm talking about.

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I guess people remember things how they chose to remember them. Maybe if you're a glass half empty person, you will remember the same incident from a different viewpoint to a glass half full person. If two children saw their parents fight, and each one was a different parent's favourite, maybe that's what leads to each child blaming the other parent. Maybe the parent has "explained" things differently from one child to the other.
Very insightful! I'll have to think some more about this.
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Old August 28th, 2011, 05:37 AM
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Re: Did you really grow up in the same house?

The “memoire” never is an exact copy of reality. First, is the individual perception of this moment –only a perception, perhaps mistake-, but with the time, it “clarify” according our own needs and wishes. As a result, the past change when we explain it: we add or we “forget” parts at reality.

This is the answer academic by actually Psychology.
(I study Psychology, too. But only two subjects for semester).

Last edited by Aintzane; August 28th, 2011 at 05:42 AM.
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Old August 28th, 2011, 04:22 PM
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Re: Did you really grow up in the same house?

Thanks, Aintzane, that is a very interesting and well written explanation.
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Old October 13th, 2011, 06:24 AM
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Re: Did you really grow up in the same house?

I've thought about this some more today. I'm wondering if maybe one of us has benefited from the positives while the other has been more affected by all the negatives? No home is perfect, but maybe one child is more susceptible to mistakes than another due to personality differences?

This came up because one of my siblings got an "on line" degree in one field, asked for a promotion for which she was not qualified, quit her full time position without any notice (just stopped showing up), applied for another position for which she is not qualified, and is now mad at the world because she's got a degree she can't do anything with, she can't use her old job as a reference, and she can't collect unemployment.

Growing up, I know I've seen some of these mistakes in our extended family which is why I would never repeat them. My sibling seems hell bent on repeating all of them.
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Old October 13th, 2011, 06:39 AM
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Re: Did you really grow up in the same house?

I've seen a lot of things happen within my family, which at a young age made me decide never to get involved in those situations.

Some other person within the same family (though remember there is no-one else in mine) may have decided that these were the paths to follow, even though they were not good choices.

DH and I have been through many things in our married lives that could have wrecked us, individually and as a couple. Although at the time of going through them, I probably did feel wrecked, I "hope" I am taking those negative experiences and learning from them and even using them in a positive way. My mum on the other hand is very resentful of a lot of things in her life and I think they resurface from time to time and keep her down.
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Old October 13th, 2011, 06:45 AM
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Re: Did you really grow up in the same house?

One of my personal credos is that a smart person learns from their mistakes, but a REALLY smart person learns from other people's mistakes.

I think you're on to something there. Also, I think proximity of the "bad influence" has something to do with it. IOW, maybe you can be more objective about the family mistakes because you are a step removed from it? For example, the younger of my two older sisters (5 years older) is similar in personality to me, but she is closer in age to the oldest sister (8 years older) so is therefore more "aligned" with oldest sister. She is far more influence by oldest sister, if that makes sense. I can see oldest sister for what she is but my other sister can't.

OTOH, my B is removed from the dynamic by being a boy. He can see all three of us for what we are.
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Old October 13th, 2011, 04:48 PM
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Re: Did you really grow up in the same house?

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Originally Posted by KayKay View Post
One of my personal credos is that a smart person learns from their mistakes, but a REALLY smart person learns from other people's mistakes.

see my tag line
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