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#11
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Re: I need another opinion
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This is the whole issue. It does not matter if children are young and in the home, or adults doing their own things: you will still need to learn to blend your families. Imagine Christmases with grandchildren... And at the very core of your relationship is his belief that your relationship can never work. I don't like ultimatums, but this belief is a deal breaker. If he will not deal with that, then there is no "happily ever after" in the future. I'm sorry. You sound like a lovely person. You deserve better. |
#12
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Re: I need another opinion
Thank you Anndsil and Lucy.
He denied his son for the first year of his life. I know he feels guilt for that and it's trying to make it up to him but, nothing he does will fill that void. My Partner lost his own father when he was 12. I understand and support the fact his son comes first. My partner believes that when his son doesn't need him anymore than our relationship will move forward hence the car and license. We all know that children will always need us and be in our lives. Friday nights are my nights to reflect on where my relationship is stalling as we are never together on this night. At last i know he's home. Lucy, tonight i agree with you. It is all about my partner. I know i can't push him into anything nor do i want to. It is up to me to decide when enough is enough. Like most women, i dont want to admit it. I appreciate your kind words and yes I've been punished for wanting to be with my partner. That's a first for me. Last edited by JaydeeTas; January 1st, 2016 at 09:20 AM. |
#13
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Re: I need another opinion
Jaydee -
Here's my two cents: Pre marital counseling - unless the two of you can get on the same page about house rules/boundaries ... (((hugs))) I see a lot of heartache and frustration if you continue with this relationship are the 16 yr olds on their own at 18 or do they have post-high school training/schooling? ( A lot of my advice will hinge on that) Don't buy a house yet IF you think you can work things out - otherwise it will be "your" house rather than "our" house
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once burned, twice shy He who ignores history is condemed to repeat it! (it also means you weren't smart enough to learn from your mistakes ![]() |
#14
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Hi all. .. just an update.
After an in depth discussion my partnet has allowed me to be part of the boys life on the weekend. Yay! He was scared that if he "forced" me onto them that they would refuse to come see him. Now he is even talking about buying a home for the future which excites me as well. Thank you for all your advice and support. I hope we keep heading in the right direction.. |
#15
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Re: I need another opinion
Very happy to hear that, Jaydee! Thank you for the update. Bravo to you for having that discussion.
How have his boys reacted to your inclusion?
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Expecto Patronum! |
#16
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Re: I need another opinion
As expected they dont care. I was taking photos of them while playing soccer and they have posted them on their clubs page. They have put it under their family name so they either took the credit or i am accepted into the family. I do hope it is the second option.
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#17
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Re: I need another opinion
Wishing you the best of luck & happiness.
__________________
once burned, twice shy He who ignores history is condemed to repeat it! (it also means you weren't smart enough to learn from your mistakes ![]() |
#18
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Re: I need another opinion
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Personally I think HE is being selfish...this is a perfect example though, how completely different people are.... there also may be some underlying problem...I would suggest, you try and get him to go to counseling...with you, before you go any further into the relationship. You've already invested 3 years, to no avail... This must be very frustrating....and to, perhaps he is trying to be extremely protective of this kids....doesn't want them to get hurt by a break up? I'm just guessing but find this situation a bit much...and please believe, there is nothing your doing or feeling wrong. I just wouldn't go any further in the relationship, until you know for sure what is going on. |
#19
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Re: I need another opinion
I also think a few sessions with a pre-marital counselor would help, because life has a way of getting complicated and stressful and you want to make sure you're both on the same page as you blend your family and move closer to marriage and getting a home together.
Glad you had that talk. |
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family, step children, step parent |
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