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  #21  
Old June 22nd, 2013, 09:36 AM
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Re: give everyone a good laugh ( keep it clean)

Quote:
Originally Posted by Knot2loud View Post
A girl invites her boyfriend over for dinner with her parents. Since this is such a big event, the girl tells him that after dinner she wants to have sex with him for the first time.

The boy is ecstatic, but nervous because he's a virgin. He goes to the pharmacy to get some condoms. He tells the pharmacist his situation and asks for advice. The pharmacist tells him everything there is to know about sex. At the register, the pharmacist asks how many condoms he'd like to buy: a 3-pack or a 10-pack. The boy says he feels lucky and insists on the 10-pack.

That night, the boy shows up for dinner a little late. His girlfriend meets him at the door leads him straight to the dinner table where her parents are already seated. The boy sits down, quickly offers to say grace and bows his head. A minute passes, and the boy is still silent with his head down. Five minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy. Finally, after 10 minutes, the girlfriend leans over and whispers to the boy, "I had no idea you were this religious."

The boy turns and whispers back, "I had no idea your father was a pharmacist."

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  #22  
Old August 25th, 2013, 02:38 PM
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Re: give everyone a good laugh ( keep it clean)

Q-Why does a cow wear bells?
A-Cuz his horn doesn't work!
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  #23  
Old August 27th, 2013, 08:58 PM
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Re: give everyone a good laugh ( keep it clean)

groan
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  #24  
Old August 28th, 2013, 12:25 PM
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Re: give everyone a good laugh ( keep it clean)

The joke is from Rocky 2.
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  #25  
Old August 28th, 2013, 12:35 PM
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Re: give everyone a good laugh ( keep it clean)

Some Mr. T jokes:

Google doesn't allow you to search for Mr. T because it knows you don't find Mr. T, he finds you.

Mr. T and Superman once fought each other on a bet. The loser had to start wearing his underwear on the outside of his pants.

Mr. T stole Michael Jackson's black.

Mr. T invented the I.Q. testing system so he could more accurately pity fools.
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  #26  
Old August 28th, 2013, 06:35 PM
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Re: give everyone a good laugh ( keep it clean)

A pastor concluded that his church was getting into very serious financial troubles While checking the church storeroom, he discovered several cartons of new bibles that had never been opened and distributed.

So at his Sunday sermon, he asked for three volunteers from the congregation who would be willing to sell the bibles door-to-door for $10 each to raise the desperately needed money for the church.

Jack, Paul and Louie all raised their hands to volunteer for the task.

The minister knew that Jack and Paul earned their living as salesmen and were likely capable of selling some bibles. But he had serious doubts about Louie who was a local farmer, who had always kept to himself because he was embarrassed by his speech impediment. Poor Louie stuttered badly. But, NOT WANTING TO discourage Louie, the minister decided to let him try anyway.

He sent the three of them away with the back seat of their cars stacked with bibles. He asked them to meet with him and report the results of their door-to-door selling efforts the following Sunday.

Anxious to find out how successful they were, the minister immediately asked Jack, "Well, Jack, how did you make out selling our bibles last week?"

Proudly handing the reverend an envelope, Jack replied, "Using my sales prowess, I was able to sell 20 bibles, and here's the $200 I collected on behalf of the church."

"Fine job, Jack!", the minister said, vigorously shaking his hand.
"You are indeed a fine salesman and the Church is indebted to you."
Turning to Paul, "And Paul, how many bibles did you sell for the
Church last week?"

Paul, smiling and sticking out his chest, confidently replied, "I am a professional salesman.. I sold 28 bibles on behalf of the church, and here's $280 I collected."

The minister responded, "That's absolutely splendid, Paul. You are truly a professional salesman and the church is indebted to you."

Apprehensively, the minister turned to Louie and said, "And Louie, did you manage to sell any bibles last week?" Louie silently offered the minister a large envelope. The minister opened it and counted the contents. "What is this?. Louie, there's $3200 in here! Are you suggesting that you sold 320 bibles for the church, door to door, in just one week?"

Louie just nodded. That's impossible!" both Jack and Paul said in unison. "We are professional salesmen, yet you claim to have sold 10 times as many bibles as we could."

"Yes, this does seem unlikely," the minister! agreed. "I think you'd better explain how you managed to accomplish this, Louie."

Louie shrugged. "I-I-I re-re-really do-do-don't kn-kn-know f-f-f-for sh-sh-sh-sure," he stammered.

Impatiently, Peter interrupted. "For crying out loud, Louie, just tell us what you said to them when they answered the door!"

"A-a-a-all I-I-I s-s-said wa-wa-was," Louis replied,
"W-w-w-w-would y-y-y-you l-l-l-l-l-like t-t-to b-b-b-buy th-th-th-this b-b-b-b-bible f-f-for t-t-ten b-b-b-bucks ------o-o-o-or-------- wo-wo-would yo-you j-j-j-just l-like m-m-me t-t-to st-st-stand h-h-here and r-r-r-r-r-read it t-to y-y-you??"
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  #27  
Old August 28th, 2013, 08:18 PM
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Re: give everyone a good laugh ( keep it clean)



Those are some funny jokes, CRaZYTaNKeR!
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  #28  
Old August 29th, 2013, 07:38 PM
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Re: give everyone a good laugh ( keep it clean)

There was this lieutenant who was walking through base and he said,"Oh shucks...I know this my sound corny,but I feel like I'm being stalked... is it u colonel?"
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  #29  
Old August 30th, 2013, 05:48 AM
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Re: give everyone a good laugh ( keep it clean)

(aside - I can picture DH, BIL, and tanker exchanging quips & jokes like this for hours)
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  #30  
Old August 30th, 2013, 06:53 AM
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Re: give everyone a good laugh ( keep it clean)

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