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Old November 27th, 2017, 08:49 PM
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Son moved back home - DDIL kicked him out

My eldest son moved back into our house - cooling off period as DDIL calls it.

My son has two small children - ages 1 and 2 1/2 - both work F/T.

I told my DS that I don't want to know their marital problems - its the same thing I told DDIL - that I hope they can work it out. I don't want or need to know specifics.

Am I wrong? Should I speak to my son about the "issues"?

I prefer to remain Switzerland in this situation - I love them both and the grand-babies very much.

Oh, and DDIL said to me "you can make it as uncomfortable as you want - he needs to have an epiphany"

thoughts? Advice??
Please and thank you for those that may of been in our situation.

PS - hubby and I have been married over 35 years with our share of ups and downs.
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Old November 27th, 2017, 09:09 PM
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Re: Son moved back home - DDIL kicked him out

Hi trixxie!!

I agree... be Switzerland. "I love you both very much and hope that you can work it out." Offer to watch the kids if they want to go to counseling. Other than that...

I will say though that whatever the issues are, your DS living in your house needs to be living there as an adult boarder and not as your son. I'd be tempted to do his laundry, cook his meals along with mine, etc. I think maybe he needs to be very clear about what life as a single dad would be like.

Good luck, to you and to your son and DDIL.
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Old November 27th, 2017, 09:36 PM
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Re: Son moved back home - DDIL kicked him out

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Originally Posted by KayKay View Post
Hi trixxie!!

I agree... be Switzerland. "I love you both very much and hope that you can work it out." Offer to watch the kids if they want to go to counseling. Other than that...

I will say though that whatever the issues are, your DS living in your house needs to be living there as an adult boarder and not as your son. I'd be tempted to do his laundry, cook his meals along with mine, etc. I think maybe he needs to be very clear about what life as a single dad would be like.

Good luck, to you and to your son and DDIL.
I had to tell my husband to keep his mouth shut. It's none of our business. He's 35 years old and needs to figure things out.
AND YES!! I won't be mothering him and make things easy for him. If DDIL asks - I will help out with the grandkids.

BTW, missed seeing you around. I'm sorry there is a lot going on with hubby with him being on the transplant list.
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Old November 27th, 2017, 09:57 PM
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Re: Son moved back home - DDIL kicked him out

Quote:
Originally Posted by trixxie View Post
I had to tell my husband to keep his mouth shut. It's none of our business. He's 35 years old and needs to figure things out.
AND YES!! I won't be mothering him and make things easy for him. If DDIL asks - I will help out with the grandkids.

BTW, missed seeing you around. I'm sorry there is a lot going on with hubby with him being on the transplant list.
Ahhh! We miss you too! I always love when you stop in. I hope you keep us up to date with your DS and DDIL.

What are the custody arrangements? It must be tough on your DDIL to get the kids up and going in the morning to get to day care. Maybe you ought to suggest (to your DDIL) that they take turns living in their house and your DDIL can live with you part of the time when your DS is having his turn at their house.
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Old November 27th, 2017, 10:04 PM
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Re: Son moved back home - DDIL kicked him out

That's what I think too - unfair for her.
That's why when DDIL said "don't make it easy for him" I totally agreed.

I hadn't thought of that - however, I think she wouldn't want to stay here - her Dad lives nearby too. BUT, I like that idea that if this goes on for too long that she should be a "single" for awhile.

Yep, whatever the issue is, my DS is doing his thing. He's out playing basketball with his buddies. He's done this for years, even before he met DDIL....

PS - I sent you a msg - I posted in the wrong area - I should've posted in "adult children" versus this one.

PPS - I happened on my first post when we first started here. Interesting memories...

I'll update on the other DDIL in another thread - we get along famously now!
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Old November 27th, 2017, 11:18 PM
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Re: Son moved back home - DDIL kicked him out

I moved the post for you.

Well, if your DS is out playing basketball with his buddies, I think we may have stumbled upon the problem. I think I have been in your DIL's shoes, when my kids were those ages and my husband was working all of the time, so not a reliable source of help. It was so tough, and I was a SAHM! But... Switzerland!

One of my friends (who really is such a tremendous role model for me in many ways) has a son and beloved DIL who were divorced about 1.5 years ago, with two young kids. It has been heartbreaking for her, because she really loves her xDIL. So I can imagine what you're going through. Her xDIL told her that one of the reasons the decision to divorce her son was so hard was because she knew she had the best MIL in the world and would miss my friend wholeheartedly. She worried about her xDIL having to do all of the morning preparations for their young children (not in school yet). It is tough on the children, as they get older, to split time between the two homes which are an hour apart. My friend worries about what is going to happen when they start school (the parents live in different districts) and has so many questions to ask and advice to give, but one reason everyone loves her so much is... Switzerland.

Will you still get to see your grandkids as often?
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