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Old June 27th, 2018, 12:14 PM
Jessspin01 Jessspin01 is offline
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Join Date: Dec 2016
Location: Pennsylvania
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Question How can I help my boyfriend without doing everything for him all the time?

I've been seeing this guy for 2.5 months. He is wonderful. Such a good heart and so handsome. I am really kind of crazy about him and I think I'm in pre-love. It doesn't take me long to fall for someone. Everyone has flaws and a past and I am in no position to judge him. Since his divorce (2 years ago) he's been having difficulty getting back to a normal life. He's been working on and off mostly manual labor temp jobs. He started smoking again.

Last night, he drove me home after we hung out and we were talking in the car. He said he feels like a failure and he keeps making mistakes. I so can relate. I often feel that way and since my divorce so much more often. He did tell me that his short term goals were to get a stable job and quit smoking. All I could think of to say was "I want to be there for it all. I'm here if you ever need anything." I'd say I do a lot for him, but I don't mind. I know he's going through something, but feels like he has no one to count on, so I wanted to be that person for him. I've been there and I know what's that like.

I don't feel like what I'm doing is wrong by helping him and being there as shoulder to cry on or be around to give hugs. I don't want to push him too much. Like I don't want to be over helpful so much that he always expects it and that's what I'll become in this relationship. Not saying that he would do that. But I don't want that to be all we're about. I don't know how to explain it. At the same time, I don't want him to resent me because I did so much for him in the early months that he feel so bad that he doesn't want to be with me anymore.... I know it's waaaay over thinking.

How can I help him without doing everything for him all the time? Especially because once I'm in my own place, I won't be able to afford to do this all the time.

Just to clarify: I'm not paying for his bills or anything. I pay pretty much whenever we go out. I've gotten cigarettes before for him and I've paid for his gas when he couldn't afford it.

Last edited by Jessspin01; June 27th, 2018 at 12:32 PM.
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anxiety, boyfriend, money

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