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Old June 8th, 2019, 11:59 AM
Wandarlust Wandarlust is offline
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People really do tell you where you fit in their lives; if we'd only listen!

I only recently REALLY learned this. You see, my husband passed away close to 13 years ago. At the time, I thought that shared friends and family would be my rock. How wrong I was. For a while, perhaps, but it didn't take long for the promises of dinner, getting together faded away.

Yes, I did some vacations with family members, but I'm talking about everyday life. When I would raise this question to my sister, her answer was always "people are busy". Please folks, don't EVER accept that excuse.

Now that I'm retired for some 4 years now, it's harder than ever to get together with people, though I have the time. How odd is that?

Then one day, I asked a family member when they found time to read. Her answer is what really brought the "busy" excuse home to me.

She stated (all true) that her daughter, whose married and has 3 children, works full time and so does her husband. In addition, he is also coach of the HS football team (very large HS). The children are very active in sports and other things in addition to school. Her daughter is a member of her neighborhood pool board, her church board and a belongs to a book club. In addition, she routinely takes food to members of the church who cant' get out, whatnot. She then said, simply put, people find time to do what they really want to do.

It has totally changed my outlook on those around me, regardless of the roles they play in my life; friends, siblings, children. What is amazing is a lot of people who fit that description often don't want to own the message they've inadvertently sent you.

So remember; except for a very few situations, busy is less a reflection of someone's schedule and more a reflection of where you fit on that schedule. Do not waste time chasing these people. Let them do what they want; if they don't want to be in your life, so be it. You then can make room for those that truly want to be in there.
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Old June 8th, 2019, 02:25 PM
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KayKay KayKay is offline
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Re: People really do tell you where you fit in their lives; if we'd only listen!

Very wise words Wandarlust.
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Old June 8th, 2019, 03:27 PM
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Annsdil Annsdil is offline
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Re: People really do tell you where you fit in their lives; if we'd only listen!

Don't necessarily write someone off. It may be true that a person isn't their priority at present. It doesn't mean that they don't care or that they are avoiding that person. It may just be that:

They are distracted by a sudden life change
Working hard just to make ends meet or make sense of a situation
Too worn out to socialise
Dealing with personal pain or illness
Tired of having to pretend to be okay around others when really they're doing all they can to survive

I have copied this from a meme I shared on Facebook but it's so true. At one point or another I can identify with any or more of these points. Especially the worn out one. We never truly know what's going on in someone else's life and where one might think the least they could do is reach out and be a support, they may well be also needing support and feeling the exact same thing. Only the expectation is always on them to give it and not be the recipient.
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Old June 8th, 2019, 04:55 PM
Wandarlust Wandarlust is offline
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Re: People really do tell you where you fit in their lives; if we'd only listen!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Annsdil View Post
Don't necessarily write someone off. It may be true that a person isn't their priority at present. It doesn't mean that they don't care or that they are avoiding that person. It may just be that:

They are distracted by a sudden life change
Working hard just to make ends meet or make sense of a situation
Too worn out to socialise
Dealing with personal pain or illness
Tired of having to pretend to be okay around others when really they're doing all they can to survive

I have copied this from a meme I shared on Facebook but it's so true. At one point or another I can identify with any or more of these points. Especially the worn out one. We never truly know what's going on in someone else's life and where one might think the least they could do is reach out and be a support, they may well be also needing support and feeling the exact same thing. Only the expectation is always on them to give it and not be the recipient.
While that is true; I'm not in need of support; just inclusion. So, I get it if you're working, taking care of small kids and perhaps an aging relative. But, shy of being absolutely overwhelmed, I have to disagree. And, I'm not suggesting "writing them off", just doing your own thing and realizing that if someone wants to be in your life, they will be there.
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