Letting children fail

[LucyVanPelt]

This is the hardest thing I have done!

DD had an important concert she needed to practice for. She knew about it months in advance. She is a little over-committed right now, which is entirely by her own doing. That means she has to be organized and focused.

I tried to help her organize. I tried to help her focus. In the end, she resisted my help, so I let her do her own thing.

She came home from her concert humiliated. She couldn't read the music, or keep up with the performance. Another member covered for her so she wouldn't ruin the performance (she won't play a wrong note, so she doesn't play at all). From our seats, it was obvious she wasn't playing while the boy next to her was working hard.

We talked about what she could learn from this experience. She knows that I can't rescue her from these situations. I can help her prepare, but only if she cooperates.

It's a tough lesson learned.

[KayKay]

That's so hard. I'm sorry, Lucy.

[LucyVanPelt]

Thanks. She moped yesterday. She's better about messing up that opportunity today. The good news is that it's not a permanent failure. I know, the boy knows, and she knows. She can do better in the future.

Plus, the boy who covered for her asked her for her phone number.

[KayKay]

Originally Posted by LucyVanPelt

Plus, the boy who covered for her asked her for her phone number.

Uh oh. LOL. Be careful what lesson is learned there!

What did the band director (?) have to say?

[Knot2loud]

Asked for her phone number! LOL

Sounds like something I would've done. Has he asked her to practice with him too?

Back to the failure... I'm sure she learned a lesson from this. You're a good mom and she's a good daughter.

[LucyVanPelt]

Originally Posted by Knot2loud

Sounds like something I would've done. Has he asked her to practice with him too?

Smooth!!!

Back to the failure... I'm sure she learned a lesson from this. You're a good mom and she's a good daughter.

Thanks, Knot! She learned. I learned. Ugh! I hope parenting gets easier as a grandparent.

[rattlesnake]

How old is DD? I find myself wondering if I didn't let my 29 year old DS fail enough. I try not to blame myself because the truth is I let him fail SOME. But he still didn't learn. I tried to push him into facing his consequences but somehow he never has, or the consequences have not mattered enough to make him do differently the next time.

It sounds like your DD learned a lesson. My DS is 29 and he seems to make the same kinds of mistakes over and over, planning things he can't afford, committing himself to do things he will never have time to do, or do well.

[snafu]

DS needed to fill out paperwork/get a physical for a high adventure trip he's taking with his dad.

His dad never told him that he'd changed his insurance (found out the hard way a while back).

ex never sent new info when DS requested, DS was frustrated- didn't know what to do - told him to check with step-mom. He finally got it- from her.

DS set up his physical appointment, but didn't take the forms with him - he's got the physical attached to the forms, but.... he neglected to get his immunization info.

He wanted me to call - I told him what to do .... he waited a few days then hinted he wanted me to call - I ignored it, then finally told he's an adult - the dr's office won't give me the info. He finally did it - but I don't know if he's truly done what he needs to.

Not my problem.

[LucyVanPelt]

That's a good way for him to learn, snafu.

[snafu]

He's realizing that his dad is completely irresponsible - dad never followed thru on getting him insurance info.