Letting go ... DS & me

[snafu]

Since DS graduated ( a month ago) I've left his relationship with his dad (aka moocher ex) totally up to him


DS has been choosing to stay home and do things with friends when he has time off from work.

Tomorrow will be the first time DS sees his dad since graduation- they're doing something locally.

[KayKay]

Do you think he'll ask his dad about the graduation check from his grandmother?

[snafu]

No ....I thought I'd already mentioned that according to DS they'd opened an account

[KayKay]

Oops - I missed that! Sorry!

[snafu]

Things are evolving with me and DS - so I think I'm doing a decent job.


There are times that I've wanted to do/say something but held back/reworded things as I'd think about how it would have come across to me when I was that age.

[LucyVanPelt]

You are doing a great job! Learning to hold your tongue because they are getting older is the hardest thing! I clench my teeth a lot.

[snafu]

I sometimes text the kids something like

I'm going to be the PITA mom....be sure to clean the snow off your headlights before heading out.....but notice I didn't say stay home/off the roads


I think humor is the way to go

[Annsdil]

Snafu, as my kids are getting older I also find myself advising but not dictating.

My daughter is desperate for an iPhone which I absolutely won't buy, but if she wants to save for it herself and (bonus!) get a job to earn it, then it's up to her. She is looking in local shops which sell previously owned goods - no warranties. I advise her to look at places where they do have returns policies and warranties. What she chooses to do is ultimately up to her. If she forgoes my advice and finds she has spent a couple of hundred on a dud purchase, hopefully it's a lesson learned for her. I won't be replacing it.

My eldest, who should be getting a job but seems to come up with all sorts of excuses not to at present, did actually get a job last summer for a few weeks which paid for the xbox he wanted. I was not so keen, but hey his money. He bought xbox gold live (or whatever) on a pay monthly basis. I asked him what he was going to do when his money ran out. He thinks it's ok to just default (not even give notice to cancel) and restart as and when. I've explained to him about credit scoring. I do not think he's listening to me. I think he will struggle with debt when he's older. I will NOT bail him out unless there is a genuine reason that is beyond his control. Stupidity or naivety are neither of these reasons, particularly if he has had the opportunity to be fully informed. I hope if it happens it will happen sooner than later and a small enough amount to shock him. Then he can build up again.

Sometimes you need to let kids touch the hot stove for them to understand to not touch it.

[snafu]

Ann's.... I've forgotten, how old are your kids?

[Annsdil]

They are now 16, 14 and 6 😊