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  #21  
Old April 2nd, 2013, 08:59 AM
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Re: Boyfriends daughter hates OUR dog.

Okay, so the child is afraid of the dog and other things.

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My point here is that he lets her control his life.
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I just hate that she's scared of everything.
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He gives into her every time she makes a peep. She wants to stand in the bath tub, suuuure why not. She wants to play and run back and forth from the dinner table to the play room suuuure why not. This behavior isn't acceptable she needs to learn the rules the adults make go and giving in to her not liking a pet is ridiculous.
It appears this goes much deeper than just the 2-year old being afraid of "everything". Do you have a voice in raising this child or does it fall on deaf ears?

The dog? I couldn't care less if you kept it or not.

I'm curious... What kind of advice are you looking for? Do you want to know what to do with the child, the boyfriend or yourself?
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  #22  
Old April 2nd, 2013, 10:50 AM
Cagnc90 Cagnc90 is offline
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Re: Boyfriends daughter hates OUR dog.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Knot2loud View Post
Okay, so the child is afraid of the dog and other things.







It appears this goes much deeper than just the 2-year old being afraid of "everything". Do you have a voice in raising this child or does it fall on deaf ears?

The dog? I couldn't care less if you kept it or not.

I'm curious... What kind of advice are you looking for? Do you want to know what to do with the child, the boyfriend or yourself?
My initial reason for advice was the dog. But it has turned into me realizing the dog isn't the issue it's her controlling her father. Don't get me wrong I love the little girl to death and I love her dad, but he's very inexpierenced with children and raising them and he doesn't think i know what I'm talking about bc I don't have children. Well I'm very sane and level headed and I know you shouldn't let your child play at dinner time or things like that. He's very hard to reason with when it comes to her because he thinks his way is the best. He can't let her walk on him her whole life
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  #23  
Old April 2nd, 2013, 10:51 AM
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Re: Boyfriends daughter hates OUR dog.

Soooo....

I'm like Knot2Loud. I'm not sure what you want from us.

Here is my interpretation of things that you have posted:
  1. You have been with your boyfriend since his daughter was 6 months old. In other words, presumably, he has not been with the baby's mother since his daughter was 6 months old.
  2. You got a "till death do us part" dog with your boyfriend, and now he says he wants to get rid of the dog.
  3. Your boyfriend give in to whatever his daughter wants, a parenting style that you don't agree with. You feel that his daughter controls him, and you worry about what would happen if you and he ever had a child.
Is this correct?
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  #24  
Old April 2nd, 2013, 10:52 AM
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Re: Boyfriends daughter hates OUR dog.

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Originally Posted by Cagnc90 View Post
He's very hard to reason with when it comes to her because he thinks his way is the best. He can't let her walk on him her whole life
A lot of time, non-custodial parents struggle with disciplining their child. They don't get to see their child all that much (relatively) and so they want the visits to be fun.
(ETA: I'm not saying that they're right to do that... I'm just saying that's what happens sometimes. )
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Last edited by KayKay; April 2nd, 2013 at 11:00 AM.
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  #25  
Old April 2nd, 2013, 11:02 AM
Cagnc90 Cagnc90 is offline
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Re: Boyfriends daughter hates OUR dog.

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Originally Posted by BagLady View Post
At 2 years old, your giving her a lot of credit for understanding the way you think, as an adult. She won't understand her own emotions until she's about 15. She cannot internalize like an adult.
Healthy is being nurtured at that age, not traumatized. Read the personal message I sent to you. You think she's being a brat. We're saying she's "being 2".
I did and I'm going to the site. Thank you I do appreciate it. Should she be getting away with "being2" with everything though? The dog aside, should she be ruling her fathers life. He thinks he needs to say how high when she says jump. If she whimpers he picks her up. If she doesn't want to eat she can play if she doesn't want to take a bath she doesn't have to. If she doesn't want to sleep she doesn't have to. And it's not a cry it out the go to sleep its ok well get up and play some more .
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  #26  
Old April 2nd, 2013, 11:04 AM
Cagnc90 Cagnc90 is offline
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Re: Boyfriends daughter hates OUR dog.

Quote:
Originally Posted by KayKay View Post
Soooo....

I'm like Knot2Loud. I'm not sure what you want from us.

Here is my interpretation of things that you have posted:
  1. You have been with your boyfriend since his daughter was 6 months old. In other words, presumably, he has not been with the baby's mother since his daughter was 6 months old.
  2. You got a "till death do us part" dog with your boyfriend, and now he says he wants to get rid of the dog.
  3. Your boyfriend give in to whatever his daughter wants, a parenting style that you don't agree with. You feel that his daughter controls him, and you worry about what would happen if you and he ever had a child.
Is this correct?

I don't worry about her liking the child if him and I had one, she's does well with other children, I just mean IF she didn't , it's not a behavior we would give into.
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  #27  
Old April 2nd, 2013, 11:48 AM
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Re: Boyfriends daughter hates OUR dog.

"She's just 2" I think does play in to how she relates to Jax. Kids that age can be scared of a lot of things that seem odd to adults. I've read of toddlers being scared of aluminum foil, balls, leaves, butterflies. Hopefully as she grows that will pass. In the meantime, keep her and the dog in seperate rooms while she's there. As long as that's possible to do, there shouldn't be any need to get rid of the dog.

As for your boyfriend letting her do as she pleases, I can't see that being a good thing. Saying "she's just 2" doesn't fly on this one. The longer he waits to start making rules and enforcing them the harder it's going to be. I think everyone has been out in public and seen parents trying to control a childs behaviour and the child doesn't listen because they learned early on that they didn't have to. Your boyfriend is the adult, she's the child, and as much as I'm sure he doesn't want to be the "stern parent" the little time she's there with the two of you, you don't want it getting out of control either. Do you know how the girls mother handles things like eating, naps and bath time?
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  #28  
Old April 2nd, 2013, 12:08 PM
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Re: Boyfriends daughter hates OUR dog.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Cagnc90 View Post
I did and I'm going to the site. Thank you I do appreciate it. Should she be getting away with "being2" with everything though? The dog aside, should she be ruling her fathers life. He thinks he needs to say how high when she says jump. If she whimpers he picks her up. If she doesn't want to eat she can play if she doesn't want to take a bath she doesn't have to. If she doesn't want to sleep she doesn't have to. And it's not a cry it out the go to sleep its ok well get up and play some more .
IMO, raising a child is very much like raising a puppy. Your right, you don't want to encourage bad behaviour. If she starts chewing on your shoes, your gonna have to show her what toys are hers to play with.
Both, as you know, require patience and repetition. Your also right that her Dad needs to see the bigger picture. Maybe you should have him watch some of those "Nanny" shows...
I've been there with step-kids. No easy thing to show the parent how things are from the "other side" of reality. I can only say Good Luck. It didn't work out for me.
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  #29  
Old April 2nd, 2013, 01:03 PM
Cagnc90 Cagnc90 is offline
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Re: Boyfriends daughter hates OUR dog.

Quote:
Originally Posted by longhairedgnome View Post
[i] Do you know how the girls mother handles things like eating, naps and bath time?
I don't im assuming she does very well at her moms it's a sticky situation because she is very well behaved and happy most all the time. It's just if example she wants the red spoon and you give her the green one its the worst temper tantrum ever. But she's so friendly when she's happy she hasn't ever hit or bit another child like some do. It's just that she knows she can get away with it with dad.
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  #30  
Old April 2nd, 2013, 06:05 PM
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Re: Boyfriends daughter hates OUR dog.

Quote:
Originally Posted by KayKay View Post
A lot of time, non-custodial parents struggle with disciplining their child. They don't get to see their child all that much (relatively) and so they want the visits to be fun.
(ETA: I'm not saying that they're right to do that... I'm just saying that's what happens sometimes. )

ding, ding ding - we have a winner (at least in re: to my ex and how he deals with DS ... ex MIL has complained to me that her DS/my ex needs to do a better job .... and wanted me to talk to him about it )
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