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Old April 24th, 2019, 12:56 AM
WardDog92 WardDog92 is offline
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Think my friend now hates me

Hi,

So I'm 26 and shes 23m. This happened last night and I think the best thing for me to do is to not text her at all. If she texts me, then I'll ask her why she said the comment and if she doesn't text then I will cancel everything. The trip is a birthday present to myself (because I have no family) and she knows it's for my birthday and always told me that its gonna be the best birthday.

My friend is a girl from Russia, we have known each other for 3 years but only started talking nearly every day, for the past 2-3 months. Sometimes I message her first and sometimes she messages me first.

I was planning a trip to Moscow anyway but when she heard about it, she wanted to meet and show me around the city and because she works in a big hotel, she got me a hotel room with staff discount rate.

Then yesterday she was at work and had lots of people there plus ministries.
She text me a reply about my day..4 short texts from her about her day then "fk off plz".
I thought she was joking about the guests and just been a difficult day. She finished 10pm her time.

So I text her back when she finished work and she replied 10 short texts elongated words about maybe having a drink and just joking "just kill me instead of beer".

But when I replied to her after 10pm (I replied 11pm in fact), in her reply she capital letters and elongated words "fk off" like she was directing at me. And also she told me she finished at 10pm again kind of insinuating that she had not finished work yet, when she definitely had finished.


I understand she might of had a hard day and didn't want to talk ... but why reply to me AND then tell me to fk off too? Other people told me she was talking to them until 1am. So I guess I'm just hopeful that she actually doesn't want me to go completely because if she does, then the trip will be cancelled.

My plan was to wait for her to text me again (if she ever does), then I will just ask her why she told me to "fk off" and see what she says. If she doesn't text me ever again, then I have the answer.

Do you think that's the right thing to do?
Thanks
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  #2  
Old April 24th, 2019, 04:04 AM
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LucyVanPelt LucyVanPelt is offline
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Re: Think my friend now hates me

I think the right thing to do is to respect her request. It doesn't sound like you did anything to provoke that kind of response.

Change your vacation plans. Go somewhere else and make new friends in real life.
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Old April 24th, 2019, 09:27 AM
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KayKay KayKay is offline
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Re: Think my friend now hates me

Quote:
Originally Posted by WardDog92 View Post
My plan was to wait for her to text me again (if she ever does), then I will just ask her why she told me to "fk off" and see what she says. If she doesn't text me ever again, then I have the answer.

Do you think that's the right thing to do?
Yup! I do. It gives her a chance to explain and apologize, and also sets boundaries of what you find unacceptable.

I would be inclined to go on the trip anyway if you were genuinely planning it before she made any offers. She doesn't own Moscow. I wouldn't use her staff discount, stay in her hotel, or accept her offer to show me around though, even if she did apologize. She has forever changed your relationship.

If you re-read your texts to her, was there any reason whatsoever she would say that to you in reply?
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Old April 24th, 2019, 10:04 AM
WardDog92 WardDog92 is offline
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Re: Think my friend now hates me

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Originally Posted by LucyVanPelt View Post
I think the right thing to do is to respect her request. It doesn't sound like you did anything to provoke that kind of response.

Change your vacation plans. Go somewhere else and make new friends in real life.
I can't see anything that I'd done to provoke it. I mean the messages before, I said about going to the park in Moscow next to the river because theres and shes texting "sure I know where you mean" etc...
Then the messages after were the "fk off plz".
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Old April 24th, 2019, 10:47 AM
WardDog92 WardDog92 is offline
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Re: Think my friend now hates me

Quote:
Originally Posted by LucyVanPelt View Post
I think the right thing to do is to respect her request. It doesn't sound like you did anything to provoke that kind of response.

Change your vacation plans. Go somewhere else and make new friends in real life.
Quote:
Originally Posted by KayKay View Post
Yup! I do. It gives her a chance to explain and apologize, and also sets boundaries of what you find unacceptable.

I would be inclined to go on the trip anyway if you were genuinely planning it before she made any offers. She doesn't own Moscow. I wouldn't use her staff discount, stay in her hotel, or accept her offer to show me around though, even if she did apologize. She has forever changed your relationship.

If you re-read your texts to her, was there any reason whatsoever she would say that to you in reply?
Exactly, thanks! I dont mind "fk off" used jokingly (which is what I thought she was doing) but I definitely dont feel that elongated capital letters "fk off" clearly directed at me, was needed.

Yeah I was genuinely planning the trip before she knew. I always travel by myself, I have no family and my friends are small town friends, who dont want to travel. So when she was really keen to join me and show me around the city, it was a really great feeling because I'd never had that before, like share a trip experience. So the whole situation is kinda ****ty now because I feel it would be somewhat wasted money because I know I'd feel crappy throughout the trip and put a downer on my birthday too.
Pretty stupid but it's kinda like a dream for me, to travel with someone, it's why it means alot.


Looking again, theres nothing that I said, which could have provoked the first "fk off" message. But because we joke alot and have fun conversations, I thought he message was about work people. So I replied jokingly "you mean me or work? Cant get rid of me that easily 😂" and then she replied with capitals "fk off" and loads of other smaller messages carrying on the conversation. I replied to her texts, just about saving from work and bringing pizza and beer. She didn't reply.
But that's all.


She has sent me a message today (the day after she made the comments) at 5pm, just my name "Tommy".
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Old April 24th, 2019, 11:42 AM
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KayKay KayKay is offline
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Re: Think my friend now hates me

Quote:
Originally Posted by WardDog92 View Post
Looking again, theres nothing that I said, which could have provoked the first "fk off" message. But because we joke alot and have fun conversations, I thought he message was about work people. So I replied jokingly "you mean me or work? Cant get rid of me that easily ��" and then she replied with capitals "fk off" and loads of other smaller messages carrying on the conversation. I replied to her texts, just about saving from work and bringing pizza and beer. She didn't reply.
But that's all.


She has sent me a message today (the day after she made the comments) at 5pm, just my name "Tommy".
With that new information, I think the second message with the capital letters was a too-far continuation of the joke. The fact that she was responding with other smaller messages tells me she didn't mean it.

I'm glad you recognize that you have a desire to travel with someone, because that'll help you make a good decision about this trip. If you think it would be ruined because of this, then don't go. Don't go all the way to Moscow expecting her to be "travelling" with you. Remember... this is your trip, but her home town. She may want to meet you and show you around, but she'll probably still need to work, etc.

Maybe the thing to do is put the trip off for a year? Go somewhere else this year, and maybe Moscow next year.

I'm curious where you met this girl?
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Old April 25th, 2019, 12:17 PM
WardDog92 WardDog92 is offline
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Re: Think my friend now hates me

Quote:
Originally Posted by KayKay View Post
With that new information, I think the second message with the capital letters was a too-far continuation of the joke. The fact that she was responding with other smaller messages tells me she didn't mean it.

I'm glad you recognize that you have a desire to travel with someone, because that'll help you make a good decision about this trip. If you think it would be ruined because of this, then don't go. Don't go all the way to Moscow expecting her to be "travelling" with you. Remember... this is your trip, but her home town. She may want to meet you and show you around, but she'll probably still need to work, etc.

Maybe the thing to do is put the trip off for a year? Go somewhere else this year, and maybe Moscow next year.

I'm curious where you met this girl?
I didn't really get the impression it was a joke. Nothing like that before. But the responding to other messages, confused me so much.

Oh yeah, she's still need to work and stuff. I should have probably not used the word "travelling" but just, the actual plan of meeting and spending days with someone as a plan - not just meeting new people when I get there .... that's what I meant.

Yesterday she text me "Tommy" ... then 2-3hrs later "Thomas (my surname) are you listen to me? 😂 ".
I replied and told me about the trip and when shes working. And because I had such a long work shift, I fell asleep very early... much earlier than normal.

I messaged when I woke up. But she has been very short with me today, only a few words in texts.


I too, think it might be best to cancel the trip. Dont really know what happened or why.

I met her while I was in Canada, we spent a long time talking and exchanged contacts.
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Old May 14th, 2019, 04:57 AM
rattlesnake rattlesnake is offline
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Re: Think my friend now hates me

Can't you talk to her either on the phone or Skype or something? I think texting is a terrible way to limit communication and yet more and more people are going in that direction.

Of course I would imagine she has the same fk off attitude about the idea of "talking" and if that is the case, then I guess you know your answer about this trip, anyway.
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