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  #41  
Old July 10th, 2014, 06:45 PM
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Re: How do I help my stepson with his attitude?



way to go ...btw congrats on the counseling .... stick with it
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  #42  
Old October 9th, 2014, 02:37 PM
WisconsinMama WisconsinMama is offline
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Re: How do I help my stepson with his attitude?

Hi everyone. Just another update.

Well, things have gotten rough again I expected it with school starting and his mom moving, but it's still been hard. He has had a lot of anger and is taking it out mostly on me. He has told me many times he likes me and the other day when he was having a good day he even said he loves me. I feel like he means it, but then he will turn around the next moment and say something mean like I am fat or my food is stupid. I know I am just an easy target and he needs to get his anger out at someone, somehow. But it is hard to take. I'm still trying to remain positive though. And not every day is bad, so we are just taking it each day at a time and really trying to communicate with him and reward him when he is good. Here's to hoping that as time goes on, things will smooth out a little bit.
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  #43  
Old October 9th, 2014, 05:08 PM
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Re: How do I help my stepson with his attitude?

You are a real good step mom! Do you think he recognises that and struggles with some divided loyalty. I'm sure he loves his mom too, even if she had treat him badly. It must be a hard and confusing time for him, roles are being reversed in you are the maternal, nurturing figure in his life and his mother is more like the stereotypical "wicked" stepmother. Do you think he's projecting his resentment of his mother on to you?

Hang in there. You're all likely in for a long ride, but I have high hopes for a successful outcome!
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  #44  
Old October 10th, 2014, 08:56 AM
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Re: How do I help my stepson with his attitude?

Hi there, your doing a great job, but what knocks on my mind is....
I'm wondering if he is afraid to love you, if he feels disloyal for even liking you.....?

Has that subject come up...I've read where even kids who have been brutally abused by a parent still will remain loyal to them out of fear....?

Just throwing some thoughts out there?
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  #45  
Old October 10th, 2014, 05:49 PM
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Re: How do I help my stepson with his attitude?

(((hugs)))


the only thing I can say is hang in there ....

family counseling may help, counseling for yourself may help, don't forget to take care of yourself too (ie a bubble bath or whatever relaxes you)
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  #46  
Old October 16th, 2014, 06:37 AM
WisconsinMama WisconsinMama is offline
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Re: How do I help my stepson with his attitude?

Thank you for all of your feedback!

Yes, I definitely agree that a lot of it is he is afraid to like me. He has told me in the past that he wants me to know he does like me, but that his mom is constantly telling him to not like me. And whenever he tells her something he likes to do with me (like make cookies, or play a board game, etc...) she says something down about me (like "Must be nice that she can be home all day while the rest of us have to work". She must be forgetting she had this life. She was a stay at home mom and she chose to leave it. She's probably realizing now what she had and took for granted, but that's not my fault. And in the mean time, her kids are the ones who suffer. I can never understand how people can use their kids or anyone's kids as pawns. I feel so bad for them.)

He also is very angry his mom chose to move away. And he looks like he is struggling a lot. When we are all hanging out as a family, he will be happy for a bit, but then it's like he second guesses himself and gets mean.

I also agree about the counseling. We are for sure looking into that, but that takes a bit of time. And I very much agree about the bubble bath I am trying to take those moments to relax because I know that when I dont get a chance to, my stress shows. I really try not to let it, but sometimes it sneaks out and I realize I am on overdrive. I am very grateful for my husband. He is so torn up right now and stressed out, but he always has my back and I can always lean on him. I am so grateful for that. I know a lot of blended families cause strain on the relationship, but we are both determined to keep communicating with each other and show our kids that relationships are worth working on.

Thanks again for being a place I can talk/vent/ask advice! I really appreciate it!!
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  #47  
Old October 16th, 2014, 07:51 AM
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Re: How do I help my stepson with his attitude?

I'm wondering if you could get his mom, you and she together to go to counseling, b/c the anger he is going thru, might carry thru into his adult life. She doesn't realize, how she is hurting him...and what the implications could be if she soon doesn't stop this and encourage him to be happy to be successful, etc....
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  #48  
Old March 12th, 2015, 06:04 PM
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Re: How do I help my stepson with his attitude?

Hi all! Haven't been on here in awhile.

We're all still adjusting. My younger DSS and I have gotten along great, with no major issues. My older DSS...it's been an uphill battle. We have our good days and our bad days, but I'm afraid he's developing some very concerning behaviors. The lieing and sneaking and stealing has been getting very bad. He stole a large amount of money from us and used it for weeks buying things at school, at the store when he was with his mom, etc... And his attitude is not the best either. He doesn't seem sorry for things he says and does. And when we have company over, he puts on an act and says and does things that are overly nice, things he knows people want to hear. Then when they leave he immediately acts different. It's been a struggle. I'm afraid I'm letting it stop me from going to church, because when I get everyone all together and there, he'll call me a ***** or fat literally seconds before we walk in. And then when people come up to us to say hi, he's being super sweet and kind and they are all telling me what a great kid he is and I'm thinking some very unchristianlike things. So I don't even bother going anymore. I know that's on me. I need to go no matter what, but it's draining and I do not feel close to God when I'm there. I feel closer to God if I am at home, reading the Bible on my own or praying.

I'm not giving up on my DSS and I'm going to continue hoping this gets better. But I am really afraid this is only going to get worse. He's showing no signs of changing. And we've been trying everything. Talking with him, making sure he gets just him time with each of us. I know we need to just keep doing what we are doing, but it's hard when he seems to care so little
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  #49  
Old March 13th, 2015, 12:15 AM
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Re: How do I help my stepson with his attitude?

Oh, i'm sorry WisconsinMama, really sorry about what you are going through. Did his mother agree to any counselling in the end?
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Old March 13th, 2015, 08:41 AM
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Re: How do I help my stepson with his attitude?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mrs X View Post
Oh, i'm sorry WisconsinMama, really sorry about what you are going through. Did his mother agree to any counselling in the end?
I was wondering the same thing.

From the behavior you've described, there's more here than just a poorly behaved child. Professional help must be called in to find out what is happening here.

Although we do not permit proselytizing here, and I have no intent to "convert" you to any particular faith or philosophy, but since you mentioned it, this must be important to you. Go to your church family for support. Do not allow this situation to drive you away. IME, feeling guilty and unChrisitian, demoralized, and isolated from your group is not the work of God and you need a good community in real life to help you through it.

(((hugs)))
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