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Old November 3rd, 2014, 04:55 PM
dexter2120 dexter2120 is offline
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Sudden anger at my mother?

I am a 25 years old male, moving soon into my first place. I lived with my dad all my life but for the last two years have lived at my mom and her new husband's home in order to save money. I still pay for rent and most of my own food, insurance, ect. My mom and dad divorced when I was 13 years old in 2001 but it wasn't finalized until 2003.

I always took my Dad's side in my parent's divorce. He didn't cheat, he had a hard working good career job, he is the best father, never drank, never hit me or my sisters or my mother, and to me...that's a perfect husband.

My mother who was 13 years younger than him, divorced him kind of out of the blue simply because she "didn't feel the love anymore." After the 2000s were a decade of foreclosing my childhood home, bankruptcies and my mother going from the job she had for years (bank teller) to working random jobs (one minute she was gonna be a nurse, the next minute she was working at a gas station), I lived with my dad and clearly from the age of 13 back when the divorce began in 2001, took his side.

Once she got remarried, the guy she remarried was the stereotype that my father had predicted to me back in 2001/2002. He had told me that she would probably end up with a blue collar guy who had been in and out of jail, and no offense to her new husband, but that's exactly who he is. So once again, my father was correct in his prediction. I am just like my father and occasionally my mother makes little comments about how "You're just like your father" in a negative way.

Her marriage has been full of stress and not exactly very satisfying. In fact, the only positive thing I see with her marriage is that her husband tends to kiss her *** a lot. I don't mean that in a negative way, but I mean it to the extent that the only reason it seems she would have married this guy was either desperation, fear of ending up alone, settling, or some combination of the three. I believe that is what occurred.

Anyways, suddenly, her and her new husband (who can barely make ends meet and have money coming in from my father's pension that makes his finances worse off and makes me angry), have now decided to buy a house. I am angry, and I don't know why and I think it's because deep down in my heart...I don't feel she deserves to be happy. I don't want them to be happy.

It's making me feel like a terrible son. I love my mother, but when I see her acting giddy, or talking about a house (which in my mind we had until she divorced my dad) my blood boils. What would you say are causing my feelings?

Thanks.

Last edited by dexter2120; November 3rd, 2014 at 05:01 PM.
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Old November 3rd, 2014, 05:37 PM
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snafu snafu is offline
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Re: Sudden anger at my mother?

that was a rough age for you when your mom split with your dad, then it drug out for 2 years

Did you ever get any grief counseling? (when you were a kid or now that you're an adult)

It sounds as if you have unresolved anger at your mom, and depending on how bad it is I'd recommend that you get grief counseling*.


there are other people here who give good advice.


(*anger can be a part of grief)
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Old November 4th, 2014, 01:33 PM
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Knot2loud Knot2loud is offline
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Re: Sudden anger at my mother?

People are who they are. It's not an excuse, it's a fact. Sometimes the grass looks greener on the other side. So they hop the fence... Yep, it's green and full of weeds, thistles and thrones.

Everyone deserves to be happy even if they're miserable. At least they can try to be happy.

You can be angry with your mom, but it'll eventually take its toll, wear you down and more than likely make you angrier and miserable. I don't believe you want that for yourself. I'm thinking you're just going to have to accept the fact that your mom made a choice years ago - maybe not a good one, but it was her choice. As is her life now and your own life.

She's your mom. Hate her or love her. I think you would rather love her.
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Old November 7th, 2014, 11:22 AM
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Cremebrulee Cremebrulee is offline
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Re: Sudden anger at my mother?

It is ok to love family members but be upset with them, maybe your upset with her Because you love her. Your mother certainly does sound like she needs help....however, you can also feel sorry for someone so much, and then you have nothing left to give them.

Your mother probably didn't have a very good family life growing up...I'm willing to bet that....and she has very little confidence in herself, probably immature, and yes, she settled, for so little....I'm sorry to say.

Unfortunately, there is nothing you can do, but try and talk to her, other then that, she has to make her own choice....I believe she married your dad, b/c he was the first one who came along that was willing to marry her and take care of her, and he sounds like a sensible kindhearted person. But there was to much of an age difference, and I believe your mom also had you when she was young....before she had any time to experience life.

As far as jobs are concerned, at least she worked....and there is nothing wrong with taking different jobs as long as she was able to pay the bills.

I suggest you try talking to her...and not loosing patience, and reassure her that you love her, and if she doesn't listen, then you've done your best.

But if your living there and paying rent, chances are, your not going to be there the rest of your life, and I am thinking they are buying this house with the idea that you are always going to be paying them rent, or even worse, helping them out financially...so be very careful.

I had a mother who hated me, literally, she was extremely mean and used me for child labor....I wanted to go to college, planned to get a job as a waitress on the beach and put myself thru college, she said, no way, your going to stay here and pay me back for raising you. Imagine? So, for years, I still tried to gain her approval, and finally two years ago, I cut her out of my life completely. Very hard thing to do, b/c I feel sorry for her....however, I won't allow her to drain me any longer.

You should consider all these things, b/c it can make you very bitter.

sending hugs
Creme
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Old November 7th, 2014, 12:16 PM
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Re: Sudden anger at my mother?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Knot2loud View Post
....full of weeds, thistles and thrones.
Thrones... Gheesh! I need to learn how to type.

....Thornes....
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