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Old November 25th, 2014, 07:28 AM
MexicanGem MexicanGem is offline
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Thumbs down Problem with my BIL's wife!! HELP!

Hello everyone,
my name is Gem. I am currently living in Germany. I'm engaged (to a German) and really excited about it. My fiancée has a brother whose wife does not get along with anybody. She is always talking bad about people. Set awful high standards on everyone who wants to be friends with her. And if you happen to annoy her in any way, she'll be your enemy FOREVER 0_0. It is so, that my fiancée's own brother won't talk to him anymore (only on special occassions).

Well, I didnt have any kind of problem with her (or anyone in my life), until the day of her (their) wedding. My fiancée and I had been fighting a lot that week and on the day of her wedding, we were just sad, hurt and hadn't sleep in a while, plus I got sick. I decided to not attend, because my fiancée and I weren't talking that much and it was an overwhelming situation, in general.

He still went and I called her to apologise, but didn't reach her on that day!
So, I waited to call her two days after, to apologise (because they didnt plan a honeymoon). BUT she decided to call my fiancée at work and yell at him for 1 hour; in which, of course, she called me all kinds of things, but neveeeer said those directly to me.

So, I called back -as I originally intended to- and apologised. I explained to her I wasn't fit that day, etc etc. She was just not accepting anything coming from me! I tried going to their place to apologise face-to-face, they would not open the door. I tried give them some time, but it just has made the situation even worse... because she is now talking bad about me with the entire family.

I don't have family in Germany. I am the foreigner (literally) in my fiancèe's family and I don't know how to deal with this anymore. I am mortified and I want to do things right, but she won't let me. Since we are going to see a lot of our faces for a looong time, I expect us to get along.

Have you had this kind of problem? Any suggestions?
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Old November 25th, 2014, 08:53 AM
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KayKay KayKay is offline
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Re: Problem with my BIL's wife!! HELP!

I've never had that kind of problem, but your BIL's wife sounds like a pain. If she behaves that way to everyone, I wouldn't spend too much time worrying about it. You just go on being yourself with your fiancé's family. She will either get over it or she won't.

You have tried to apologize and make things right. As long as your fiancé's family knows that, you're good. She can talk about you to them, but that doesn't mean they believe her. Eventually, she will separate your BIL from his family with her behavior. When that happens, it will be good that you don't have to take sides.

When you are forced to be with her, just be pleasant. One of my favorite sayings is "Win or lose, when you fight with skunks you end up stinking." My suggestion is that you avoid getting drawn in to her fights.

How does your fiancé feel about the situation?
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Old November 25th, 2014, 09:14 AM
MexicanGem MexicanGem is offline
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Red face Re: Problem with my BIL's wife!! HELP!

Thank you for your response!!
Well, actually my brother-in-law stopped talking to my fiancée like two years ago. Because she had a problem with him too -_- And my BIL has no "cojones" and won't say No to her... so, that's that.

My fiancée misses his (twin)brother, but there is nothing he can do, really... They have made it clear, they don't want to have a relationship with him either. He called her and wrote to her, that she was not allowed to talk to me that way, and be so rude when I was only trying to apologise. But she thinks I am the worst person ever now.

I have a great relationship with the rest of the family. They have been all really nice to me, since day 1. I was at first scared it wouldn't be the case, because I am mexican and our culture is very different to theirs...BUT, I think you are right: there are some battles that aren't just worthy of our time and energy.

Im the kind of person who doesn't want to have problems with anyone, and I am not afraid to apologise. I can handle someone being mad at me, but this is just too much...

Last edited by MexicanGem; November 25th, 2014 at 09:17 AM.
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Old November 25th, 2014, 11:21 AM
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Re: Problem with my BIL's wife!! HELP!

No matter what you do, she'll be mad at you. You can apologize until the cows come home and with people like her there will be something wrong with every apology you make.

Really, your best use of energy is to provide the loving environment that your fiancé and his family seem to appreciate you for. If you were completely removed from the situation - you didn't even KNOW your fiancé - your BIL's wife would be causing the same drama. Don't let her glaring personality flaws put a damper on your fiancé's family's happiness. Let her and your BIL go be miserable by themselves, and they will. Eventually your BIL will get tired of it and come around, with her or without her.
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Old November 25th, 2014, 01:01 PM
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Re: Problem with my BIL's wife!! HELP!

If she doesn't want to speak to you or your fiancée... Consider it a blessing. How's the song go? "Don't worry, be happy!"

I do find it rather amazing how someone could actually stay on the phone for an hour while being yelled at for an entire hour.

Sorry for your situation. Some people lack an amiable personality.
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Old November 26th, 2014, 05:21 AM
MexicanGem MexicanGem is offline
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Re: Problem with my BIL's wife!! HELP!

hahaha I know!! I told him the same thing? Why would you talk to her THAT long, if she is only abussing you? Apparently, the conversation started normal. He defended himself, then it escalated. Then it got ugly. :S

And you are both right! Nothing seems to agree with this woman. I am just going to ignore her as long as I can. She is mad at everyone!! :s Seriously, the next day of their wedding, she yelled at my MIL, because she wasn't helping her to pick up the mess from the day before (even though my MIL made breakfast for her guests -the ones who stayed).

Oh well... thanks a lot for your responses! I appreciate them very much!
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Old November 28th, 2014, 05:46 PM
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Re: Problem with my BIL's wife!! HELP!

You can't control her behavior - so don't stress about it (I know, easier said than done). Sometimes a single glass of wine helps, or maybe two when you have to be around someone who is disagreeable.



Not all twins remain close, for whatever reasons. My DH and his twin are still very close ... they think a like and will still spontaneously say the same things at the same time. My twin and I, not close anymore ... according to her, her son could do no wrong, and my DS couldn't do anything right. My DS had a melt down due to the way they treated him .... mama said no more
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Old November 29th, 2014, 05:15 AM
MexicanGem MexicanGem is offline
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Re: Problem with my BIL's wife!! HELP!

Although it is hard, I think it is better not to be around someone who wont stand up for you and treats you and your family bad.
BTW, I saw them yesterday at a party! They didnt even look at us! But they left early! So, more wine for me! I would not sweat it anymore, I swear! It is impossible to rationalize with this woman and I have better things to do.

Thanks for your advice!!

PS.: I have alos a twin sister Lol!
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