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Old January 10th, 2015, 07:30 PM
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Hurt feelings over Christmas gift...

One of the gifts I gave my MIL for Christmas was a picture I had taken at Thanksgiving time of her and her son (my husband). I had it printed and I bought a frame to put it in. Anyway, I thought it was a nice picture of them together and I thought she'd really like it. I guess I thought wrong. Today she informed me that she really dislikes that picture I gave her. She said she doesn't like it because she doesn't like the way she looks in it...but she really likes the frame. Great. So much for thinking outside the box. Next year I'll stop trying so hard and just buy her a pair of slippers. My question is why did she feel the need to tell me that? It was almost like she purposely wanted to hurt me.
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Old January 11th, 2015, 04:33 AM
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Re: Hurt feelings over Christmas gift...

She may have been trying to hurt you, or she may have felt hurt if the piecture was unflattering in her opinion. I think you should leave this one go. (((Hugs)))
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Old January 11th, 2015, 12:45 PM
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Re: Hurt feelings over Christmas gift...

Awww... I'm sorry about that. You were trying to do something nice and it wasn't well received.

I don't think she was trying to purposely hurt you. If she were trying to hurt you, she wouldn't have said she liked the frame (that you picked out). She probably just hates the way she looks in pictures - I do too. You asked why she felt the need to tell you that - my guess is that she wasn't (in her mind) telling you that she didn't like your gift but rather that she doesn't feel particularly photogenic these days. I may be wrong, since I wasn't there to hear the context of the comment.
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Old January 11th, 2015, 01:59 PM
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Re: Hurt feelings over Christmas gift...

Thanks guys. After mulling it over I pretty much came to the same conclusion. It's not very often we capture a picture of her with her kids so I thought it was something kind of special. I know she has always been very critical of pictures of herself so this shouldn't have come as a big surprise.

I kind of think she brought it up so she could stop displaying it without having to explain herself (not that I would question it). She had it on her piano but I bet it will be gone the next time we go over. Oh well. Now I know photographs are not the best gift ideas for her.
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Old January 11th, 2015, 03:00 PM
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Re: Hurt feelings over Christmas gift...

Maybe she'd like a gift certificate for a professional photograph? I'm much more willing to sit for a professional photographer than to pose for a candid shot.
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Old January 11th, 2015, 03:08 PM
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Re: Hurt feelings over Christmas gift...

I think she'd still find a reason to criticize herself. She's actually had professional photographs done in the past and she still didn't like them.
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Old January 13th, 2015, 09:03 AM
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Re: Hurt feelings over Christmas gift...

I'm really sorry she did that to you....let me tell you, my own mother used to do that, no matter what you bought her, she would either critisize it, or make you exchange it....so, there are some people, who no matter how much you try, will never be happy with any gift....
Me, if I had a picture of me and my son, which my DIL took for me, I'd cherish it....you did a very nice thing.
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Old January 13th, 2015, 10:00 AM
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Re: Hurt feelings over Christmas gift...

Think of how unhappy she must be in terms of her sense of self if she can't stand to see herself in a picture - it's a sign of insecurity and really has nothing to do with you or your gift.

I have a picture of a friend of mine in my bathroom that the friend hates. She doesn't like the way she looks in it. I think she looks kind, wise and curious (she is standing on the golden gate bridge looking out into the wind). She is an old dear friend. I told her that she'd have to put up with me displaying it because I thought she was wonderful and couldn't stand to take it down because she (mistakenly) thought she looked bad in it. It represents a wonderful memory to me.

You could try reinforcing to her why you think it's a beautiful picture of her and maybe remind her that women often don't get photographed with their children because they feel insecure about their appearances. It's a terrible standard to set for oneself and it also leaves the family without prominent pictures of a beloved member.

But I agree, she doesn't want to hurt you (hence the comment about the frame) but is deeply insecure.
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Old January 13th, 2015, 01:06 PM
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Re: Hurt feelings over Christmas gift...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mochadelicious View Post
One of the gifts I gave my MIL for Christmas was a picture I had taken at Thanksgiving time of her and her son (my husband). I had it printed and I bought a frame to put it in. Anyway, I thought it was a nice picture of them together and I thought she'd really like it. I guess I thought wrong. Today she informed me that she really dislikes that picture I gave her. She said she doesn't like it because she doesn't like the way she looks in it...but she really likes the frame. Great. So much for thinking outside the box. Next year I'll stop trying so hard and just buy her a pair of slippers. My question is why did she feel the need to tell me that? It was almost like she purposely wanted to hurt me.
Can't go wrong with slippers...

Why did she say what she said? Some people are just verbal. Was she really trying to hurt you? I really don't know enough about the relationship you have with you MIL to make that determination.

My suggestion to you is... Blow it off.
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Old January 13th, 2015, 01:17 PM
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Cool Re: Hurt feelings over Christmas gift...

I swear MILS are there to test us, mine lives over in another country,and hubby had his Mum come stay with us for 3 months in 2011. She was 80 and couldnt speak any English,and he left me with her while he went to nightshift working. OMG by the 2nd week I was tearing my hair out and wanted a divorce. She was a pain in the but winging about everything, and couldnt be bothered with our kids really. She expected attention 100% of the time. I honestly couldnt wait for that day we put her back on the plane!!. I know she wasnt deliberately out to get me, but she drove me nuts sitting up every night raving in another language to hubby,moaning on about her family back home and what they were doing wrong,so I just left them to it.

That would hurt me about the picture,but then I wouldnt bother ever again. Unfortunately you will have to live with yours in your environment, Id just avoid her as much as possible.
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