Go Back   Friends and Family Forum > The Family Forum > In-laws

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #11  
Old January 13th, 2015, 04:45 PM
Mochadelicious's Avatar
Mochadelicious Mochadelicious is offline
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Washington State
Posts: 31
Mochadelicious is on a distinguished road
Re: Hurt feelings over Christmas gift...

Yeah thanks guys. It's nice to have a safe place to vent and hear other opinions about the situations I seem to find myself in.

I've already decided to let it go. I think skcupic hit it right on the button...this is about her own insecurities and not about the gift. It's her problem, not mine. I know in my heart it was a thoughtful gift, it's just too bad she's so insecure that she can't enjoy it.

Still, if I were in her shoes, I don't think I would have said anything for fear of hurting feelings. I would have kept it to myself. I guess I may never know why she told me but I choose to let it go (along with other issues I've had with her).
Reply With Quote
  #12  
Old January 13th, 2015, 06:04 PM
KayKay's Avatar
KayKay KayKay is offline
Moderator
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Texas
Posts: 16,172
KayKay has a reputation beyond reputeKayKay has a reputation beyond reputeKayKay has a reputation beyond reputeKayKay has a reputation beyond reputeKayKay has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Hurt feelings over Christmas gift...

Well, in defense of women everywhere who don't like seeing themselves in pictures....



The camera is not kind to me. I know that I may actually *look* like the picture, but the reality is that the picture isn't me. In real life, my smile is genuine (not pasted on) and my eyes have a sparkle to them (not flat and emotionless). In real life, there isn't a flash shining light on my developing turkey neck , you generally can't see up my nose and I don't stand in awkward positions. Videotape me and I'm fine with how I look. Put me in the background of a picture (i.e. not posing) and I'm fine with how I look. But take a candid picture without letting me pose how I feel I look best? I hate pictures of myself.

I'm not insecure. In fact, I'm 100% sure I'm far more attractive than the camera tends to show.

I also hate pictures of my daughter for the very same reason. Pictures don't capture her inner beauty. They just make her nose look big. (and no, I've never mentioned that to her)

Anyway, that's neither here nor there. I just needed to defend unphotogenic people everywhere.
__________________
Expecto Patronum!
Reply With Quote
  #13  
Old January 17th, 2015, 02:17 PM
Rparalegal Rparalegal is offline
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2015
Posts: 1
Rparalegal is on a distinguished road
Smile Re: Hurt feelings over Christmas gift...

MIL oppinions can really affect us when we have been trying so hard to do the best. Its often not you but the way she feels about her sons relationship with you. You have changed a part of her life and the way the family dynamic will be forever. It all takes time.
Reply With Quote
  #14  
Old January 25th, 2015, 04:54 AM
Cremebrulee's Avatar
Cremebrulee Cremebrulee is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Posts: 954
Cremebrulee has much to be proud ofCremebrulee has much to be proud ofCremebrulee has much to be proud of
Re: Hurt feelings over Christmas gift...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rparalegal View Post
MIL oppinions can really affect us when we have been trying so hard to do the best. Its often not you but the way she feels about her sons relationship with you. You have changed a part of her life and the way the family dynamic will be forever. It all takes time.
yanno, I thought about this all night, after reading you, and you couldn't be more right....

and until you go thru it, you can never relate to these feelings but for your child's 17 - 20 years of their life, you've been their closest confident, you wiped thier noses, sat up all night with them rocking them when they were sick, cried when they were hurting, and tried to prepare them for the world out there...and then boom, they are gone....and that my friend is so difficult for some, b/c we moms tend to make our children our whole purpose in life....some more then others....we all handle this differently some not so bad, some worse then others and some MIL's actually need to sit down and talk to son and wife, if she doesn't understand where the new boundaries now need to be.

so while your mother in law sounds a bit self imposed, you did hit the nail on the head...but that doesn't give us MIL's the right to interfer with our son's families...
Reply With Quote
  #15  
Old January 25th, 2015, 09:07 AM
Mochadelicious's Avatar
Mochadelicious Mochadelicious is offline
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Washington State
Posts: 31
Mochadelicious is on a distinguished road
Re: Hurt feelings over Christmas gift...

As a mother to two sons myself (one adult, one teenager), I can sort of understand to a degree why many MIL's develop negative feelings towards DIL's. In my situation, I think the problem is exasperated by the fact that my MIL is divorced from an abusive man (my husbands father), and she developed this unhealthy dependency on her kids to help get her through it. She stayed in that abusive relationship for 25 years but has since been a single woman for almost another 20 years. She refuses to date anyone else and claims to be happy being single, but she is clearly lonely and calls on her kids to fill that void all the time.

As a matter of fact, that is a hot topic for us because every weekend she expects us and my SIL's family who also live in town to join her for church and then lunch at her house afterwards. I get a text every Thursday from her wanting to know how many of us are coming and what we will be bringing for lunch. It ends up being an all day thing (from 9 a.m. to about 3 p.m.) and by the end I'm just chomping at the bit to leave. And, when we announce that we're going home she tries to make us feel bad for leaving so early. She'll ask what else we have to do that's so important. I've recently told my dh that sometimes I just need a break from it and now, occasionally we do skip a week. I love those weeks!
Reply With Quote
  #16  
Old January 25th, 2015, 09:47 AM
Savannah Savannah is offline
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2015
Posts: 5
Savannah is on a distinguished road
Re: Hurt feelings over Christmas gift...

I think it was rude of her to tell you that. She should've just said thank you! It really was a great gesture on your part and I'm sorry she failed to see that! Some people you cannot please no matter how hard you try!
Reply With Quote
  #17  
Old January 25th, 2015, 11:47 AM
Cremebrulee's Avatar
Cremebrulee Cremebrulee is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Posts: 954
Cremebrulee has much to be proud ofCremebrulee has much to be proud ofCremebrulee has much to be proud of
Re: Hurt feelings over Christmas gift...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mochadelicious View Post
As a mother to two sons myself (one adult, one teenager), I can sort of understand to a degree why many MIL's develop negative feelings towards DIL's. In my situation, I think the problem is exasperated by the fact that my MIL is divorced from an abusive man (my husbands father), and she developed this unhealthy dependency on her kids to help get her through it. She stayed in that abusive relationship for 25 years but has since been a single woman for almost another 20 years. She refuses to date anyone else and claims to be happy being single, but she is clearly lonely and calls on her kids to fill that void all the time.

As a matter of fact, that is a hot topic for us because every weekend she expects us and my SIL's family who also live in town to join her for church and then lunch at her house afterwards. I get a text every Thursday from her wanting to know how many of us are coming and what we will be bringing for lunch. It ends up being an all day thing (from 9 a.m. to about 3 p.m.) and by the end I'm just chomping at the bit to leave. And, when we announce that we're going home she tries to make us feel bad for leaving so early. She'll ask what else we have to do that's so important. I've recently told my dh that sometimes I just need a break from it and now, occasionally we do skip a week. I love those weeks!

I know how you feel, my MIL was like that....and I worked full time, and needed time to just veg, but she and my husband refused to understand.
Reply With Quote
  #18  
Old January 25th, 2015, 06:08 PM
Mochadelicious's Avatar
Mochadelicious Mochadelicious is offline
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Washington State
Posts: 31
Mochadelicious is on a distinguished road
Re: Hurt feelings over Christmas gift...

Savannah: Thank you. She is not easy to please. Even my husband recently told me that he feels like his mom wants me to be something I'm not (in a nutshell...a good little conservative Christian girl).

Cremebrulee: I also work and cherish the weekend with my dh and kids. It can be stressful to try and figure out something to make for lunch every week. There are times when I throw my hands in the air and say forget it...I'm just going to take some broccoli. I know my MIL looks at this as sort of a cop out...but I don't care anymore. If she insists on doing lunch every week then she's going to get frozen vegetables every now and then.
Reply With Quote
  #19  
Old January 26th, 2015, 10:50 AM
Cremebrulee's Avatar
Cremebrulee Cremebrulee is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Posts: 954
Cremebrulee has much to be proud ofCremebrulee has much to be proud ofCremebrulee has much to be proud of
Re: Hurt feelings over Christmas gift...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mochadelicious View Post
Savannah: Thank you. She is not easy to please. Even my husband recently told me that he feels like his mom wants me to be something I'm not (in a nutshell...a good little conservative Christian girl).

Cremebrulee: I also work and cherish the weekend with my dh and kids. It can be stressful to try and figure out something to make for lunch every week. There are times when I throw my hands in the air and say forget it...I'm just going to take some broccoli. I know my MIL looks at this as sort of a cop out...but I don't care anymore. If she insists on doing lunch every week then she's going to get frozen vegetables every now and then.
yeah, I didn't mean it to sound like I was siding with "your" mil....she sounds like she has some problems...I was talking from experience, and also in general...hope you know that...she was indeed rude for saying that to you.
Reply With Quote
  #20  
Old January 26th, 2015, 11:09 AM
Mochadelicious's Avatar
Mochadelicious Mochadelicious is offline
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Washington State
Posts: 31
Mochadelicious is on a distinguished road
Re: Hurt feelings over Christmas gift...

Oh yes, I knew that. No offense was taken at all. I was just blowing off some steam. :-)
Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump


All times are GMT -7. The time now is 02:14 PM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.7.3
Copyright ©2000 - 2018, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Copyright 2007, The BlueSparks Network