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Old August 2nd, 2015, 01:47 PM
Patienceisavirtue Patienceisavirtue is offline
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DIL changes gkids diaper at restaurant table!

I guess I finally had my fill and said something yesterday. I said, "I'm sorry but could you do that in the restroom?" She quickly put the diaper away and as we were leaving it was pouring rain and I told her to join me under my umbrella. She said "That's okay." She called me on the cell phone to talk about it. She was very curt and kept saying she didn't understand and they got ridiculous and asked about when she nursed if that embarrassed me to because I told her it embarrass me that she was going to change the diaper in the restaurant. I told her I didn't think it was appropriate and that I didn't think other people would like it either. She tried to justify it because it was only pee and she was discreet and nobody would see anything. I never can out talk her so I kept it gentle and tied it up quickly. Then we received a text that plans got cancelled for dinner today to celebrate two of the gkids birthday at their house. I emailed her and apologized for how I must have made her feel. I asked her to forgive me. Instead she blasted me back and told me that I embarrassed her because I took a phone call from my realtor when they were ordering their food and accused me of being rude to the waiter, which I wasn't. I was confused because I never heard anyone order and wondered what happened. I don't usually talk on the cell during dinner, anywhere or anytime but my realtor caught me off guard and I wanted to hear what she had to say about a showing of my house that I've been trying to sell for a year. My DIL lets the kids run around the table, climb on stuff etc and as I said changes diapers when we are out to eat so it is never a comfortable experience for me. She told me we would never go out to eat together again. A blessing I suppose. I hate that she acts the way she does and treats me the way she does but she is my sons beloved. I know how and do forgive and forget but she does not. This will create a big problem in our relationship and mine with my grandchildren. Maybe I just needed to blow off steam here but your comments are welcomed.
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Old August 2nd, 2015, 01:52 PM
Catwoman Catwoman is offline
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Re: DIL changes gkids diaper at restaurant table!

Some people have no idea,your DIL is one of them. Its good that you told her. Someone had to. She should be embarassed for herself, and if she is thats her problem. Who changes a diaper at a restaurant table?...a clueless person that's who.

Last edited by Catwoman; August 2nd, 2015 at 02:32 PM.
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Old August 2nd, 2015, 02:38 PM
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Re: DIL changes gkids diaper at restaurant table!

There has GOT to be more to this story! How can anyone not think it's disgusting to change a baby's diaper on the table? Was she doing it on her lap or something?


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My DIL lets the kids run around the table, climb on stuff etc.
What is your son doing while your DIL is letting the kids do this?

For the record, she is correct that it was impolite of you to take the call, no matter how important, while the waiter was there. I believe proper etiquette would dictate that you should've either ordered first then called the realtor right back, or excused yourself from the table. That doesn't make it okay for her to change a diaper on the table. But I think she called you out pretty harshly probably out of her own sense of embarrassment about you calling her out about the diaper.
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Old August 2nd, 2015, 02:40 PM
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Re: DIL changes gkids diaper at restaurant table!

Dear Patienceisavirtue,
You have picked the right name! You are the MIL of an immature DIL who has a totally different parenting style. You aren't going to change either of those so you are going to have to work on that virtue to heroic extent!

Instead of telling your DIL that what she has done embarrasses you--which as you have seen will cause WWIII!-- you will have to learn to not say anything when it comes to the children, unless they are seriously in danger.

You are right to be embarrassed; urine is not sterile and what she did is a health code violation. But that is no consolation when you're losing access to your grandchildren.

While I do NOT recommend talking to your son about this, I wonder what he thinks?

Last edited by LucyVanPelt; August 2nd, 2015 at 02:54 PM.
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Old August 2nd, 2015, 02:56 PM
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Re: DIL changes gkids diaper at restaurant table!

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Originally Posted by KayKay View Post
There has GOT to be more to this story! How can anyone not think it's disgusting to change a baby's diaper on the table? Was she doing it on her lap or something?
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/0...n_5908046.html

Someone else thought this was an acceptable idea.
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Old August 2nd, 2015, 02:57 PM
Patienceisavirtue Patienceisavirtue is offline
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Re: DIL changes gkids diaper at restaurant table!

The child age 2 1/2 would have been changed standing up in her mother's chair between her mother's legs. Not on the table. My husband and I have put up with countless times when these children were out of control or their diapers where being changed. The boy is turning 4 and is not potty trained. They use to let them run around the house naked and swim in the pool naked. I finally told my son I was not comfortable with this. She has a soon to be 14 year old son who was caught or confessed to touching both of the children. When she came back into my son's life her son was 8-9 and still was asking him mother to help him wipe his butt! This girl is messed up in my opinion but my son is totally in love with her. He lost her in college when she found someone to marry her to get her out of the house. Then 12 years later she was divorcing him and looking up my son. My son never married during that time and hardly dated. She was his one true love. We were heartbroken as well. Well, be careful what you wish for.... I know I was wrong to be on the phone. It was a slip up and I was so genuinely concerned what my realtor had to say, I plugged my other ear and tuned everyone out. Mind you there were two little kids, one almost 14 year old, my son, my husband and my DIL. We had just spent the day together at an aquarium. We drove about 70 miles to go to it to be with them. I had bum knees and dry eyes but went anyways. Then in the pouring rain we went to grab a bite to eat afterwards. She has posted two things on FB to tick me off since. She is not young. She is 38!
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Old August 2nd, 2015, 03:05 PM
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Re: DIL changes gkids diaper at restaurant table!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Patienceisavirtue View Post
The child age 2 1/2 would have been changed standing up in her mother's chair between her mother's legs. Not on the table. My husband and I have put up with countless times when these children were out of control or their diapers where being changed. The boy is turning 4 and is not potty trained. They use to let them run around the house naked and swim in the pool naked. I finally told my son I was not comfortable with this. She has a soon to be 14 year old son who was caught or confessed to touching both of the children. When she came back into my son's life her son was 8-9 and still was asking him mother to help him wipe his butt! This girl is messed up in my opinion but my son is totally in love with her. He lost her in college when she found someone to marry her to get her out of the house. Then 12 years later she was divorcing him and looking up my son. My son never married during that time and hardly dated. She was his one true love. We were heartbroken as well. Well, be careful what you wish for.... I know I was wrong to be on the phone. It was a slip up and I was so genuinely concerned what my realtor had to say, I plugged my other ear and tuned everyone out. Mind you there were two little kids, one almost 14 year old, my son, my husband and my DIL. We had just spent the day together at an aquarium. We drove about 70 miles to go to it to be with them. I had bum knees and dry eyes but went anyways. Then in the pouring rain we went to grab a bite to eat afterwards. She has posted two things on FB to tick me off since. She is not young. She is 38!
Wow, there is MUCH more to this than changing a diaper.

You have several choices: You can disapprove of her and end up losing your son and grandchildren. You can practice patience and work really hard at accepting her even if you don't approve her.

The one alarming concern-- the 14 year old was caught/confessed to touching the children. Has this been addressed? If not, why not?
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Old August 2nd, 2015, 03:14 PM
Patienceisavirtue Patienceisavirtue is offline
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Re: DIL changes gkids diaper at restaurant table!

It was addressed at the time and they went bezerk. Said the children were not allowed to run around naked anymore etc. All kinds of rules but they have all vanished.
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Old August 2nd, 2015, 03:55 PM
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Re: DIL changes gkids diaper at restaurant table!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Patienceisavirtue View Post
It was addressed at the time and they went bezerk. Said the children were not allowed to run around naked anymore etc. All kinds of rules but they have all vanished.
If it was addressed, then it's not fair to continue to bring it up. If you have a reasonable suspicion that he continues to touch them, then you should make a formal anonymous report to your local Child Protection agency. Having different standards regarding nudity does not count as a reasonable suspicion.

Also, I have 3 children. One was potty trained before he was 2. The other two celebrated their 4th birthdays before they were potty trained. I know my MIL thinks I am a lousy mom. She also doesn't believe that the two who were late trainers are allergic to milk. I hope your DIL isn't living with that type of disapproval. It is a wound that doesn't heal.
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Old August 2nd, 2015, 04:08 PM
Patienceisavirtue Patienceisavirtue is offline
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Re: DIL changes gkids diaper at restaurant table!

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Originally Posted by LucyVanPelt View Post
If it was addressed, then it's not fair to continue to bring it up. If you have a reasonable suspicion that he continues to touch them, then you should make a formal anonymous report to your local Child Protection agency. Having different standards regarding nudity does not count as a reasonable suspicion.

Also, I have 3 children. One was potty trained before he was 2. The other two celebrated their 4th birthdays before they were potty trained. I know my MIL thinks I am a lousy mom. She also doesn't believe that the two who were late trainers are allergic to milk. I hope your DIL isn't living with that type of disapproval. It is a wound that doesn't heal.
I'm sure you are right. It's hard to measure up to a MIL's standards. I've been there myself. This girl started it with me more than once. She goes crazy on me. I do not believe there is still a problem with the older child. Believe me I would be doing something about it. It's just I also don't believe you let the little ones run around naked possibly stirring up lust. The little boy was playing with his penis one time we were playing cards with them and then stuck his hands in the bag of pineapple we were served to eat. They think it's funny. I don't!
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