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  #11  
Old April 16th, 2008, 03:40 PM
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Re: In laws problem plz advise?

The value of that statement is approximately the value of the piece of paper it is written on.

It was obtained during duress (seriously? They were holding you hostage for hours?). And of course you won't beat your wife. No one should need to have that in writing.

As far as giving her $1,000 per month... what does she spend it on? Is that "giving" her normal household things? I'm a SAHM with kids, and my DH doesn't "GIVE" me any money at all. The money that he earns "IS" our money. We use it on household expenses, with respect for each other's choices.

Sorry, but this whole situation is strange and difficult for me to relate to. Your wife sounds flat out insane, and I can't imagine why you'd have married her in the first place, especially having been apart for 4 years. Where did you meet, and how old are you? Were you in love when you married?

Your wife and IL's are taking serious advantage of your lack of knowledge of "the system" and how things work here. Please, educate yourself. You have rights that are being trampled.
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  #12  
Old April 16th, 2008, 07:51 PM
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Re: In laws problem plz advise?

Welcome, sahil_123. I am so sorry to hear about your problems but you are being bold and doing the right thing to seek help and advice. Good for you.

I have unfortunately known people who stay in relationships that are abusive for many many years without even telling others there is a problem. That first step to talk about it and start seeking solutions is often the hardest.

The abuse hotline and resources in your area are a good next step.

Do you have access to any community groups or organizations where you can start building social support for yourself? Or even start doing things with your wife and child that don't include your in-laws?

Your wife is pregnant and you sound like you love her as well as your children despite her hurtful behavior. Have you been direct in telling her you didn't marry her to be a punching bag?

Would she be willing to attend counseling with you and start learning how to behave like a respectful adult, not hitting you or threatening but working out your marriage problems with words?
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  #13  
Old April 17th, 2008, 09:37 AM
sahil_123 sahil_123 is offline
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Re: In laws problem plz advise?

for kay kay qutions, she need 1000 $ excluding all the expenses, i need to pay every thing for the house, for the car, for kids living expenses for her shopping. the $1000 is only for her what ever she do and that is CASH. no checks.

and for nony mouse. i tried for counseling, 1st she refused to go to but i convinced her some how but once only and then she refused to go cause her mom told her to do that. do not go for counslor "she might told her that i want to prove her MAD" and my wife told me that she dont want to go for counslor cause they ll send her to mental hospital. she some time accepted that she lose control on her self. but there should be some limit. once she turned my cars straring while i was on HIGHWAY@80 Miles/ hour for just that i refused to go to ZOO cause i dont know the way. me , my 4 years old kid with her we all were in car that time. that incident scared me like hell. i m not a loser i love her soooooo much i cannot live without her thats true. but i dont want to secrifice my KIDS life/ future for that. i called a law service yesterday and waiting for appointment. i need to know my rights and options ? thanks for all of you. i ll keep updating thread if i need ur help.
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  #14  
Old April 17th, 2008, 09:43 AM
sahil_123 sahil_123 is offline
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Re: In laws problem plz advise?

And yes kay kay i tried to go out from there home but her mom and sisters are in front of me and i cannot push them or touch them to have my way. and especially when my KID was there with me . crying and shouting i dont want them to hurt my kid. so did what they said. they were not letting me go at that time. and my kid always want to go with me he dont want to stay with inlaws or mom . he knows and understand all the situation. he knows they set me up with my wife and speek well on there face . i am so proud of my kid. but sad as well when i think of his future in people like this. if i ever meet her mom before Marriage,i am sure she wont be my wife. our Marriage was LOVE Marriage . just me and my wife no one was with us at that time. his family just hates me cause they tried to stop our marreig in any possible way. but we loved each other so we got Married in court.
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  #15  
Old April 17th, 2008, 09:51 AM
sahil_123 sahil_123 is offline
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Re: In laws problem plz advise?

we marraid in pakistan,meet her on internet msn, chatted for one year then met her in pakistan and 1st meeting we decided to get marraid, year 2002. and now she is 24 and i m 28 years. with 4 years son. Guys what is Stay order or order of protection, can i obtain one against my inlaws. to stop them interfearing ?
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  #16  
Old April 17th, 2008, 10:20 AM
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Re: In laws problem plz advise?

Here is a website that can answer some of your questions:

http://www.ilcadv.org/legal/oop_faq.htm#faq

Hope that helps. As far as counseling, you can tell your wife not that you want her to be proven "crazy" but that you want her to have help if she needs it. Tell her you want to go with her so that you can work on your marriage and be the loving husband that she needs. While I think *she* needs the counseling more than you, I think you'd benefit too. You are a victim, and victims need counseling sometimes more than the perpetrators.

And ask her if she's a child or an adult. Adults make their own decisions... children have their parents make decisions for them. You can even ask about family counseling to include MIL if that's what it takes to get your wife there.
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  #17  
Old April 17th, 2008, 10:33 AM
1dilwhosreal 1dilwhosreal is offline
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Re: In laws problem plz advise?

Is there someone in your community that your wife respects, like a religious leader or a wiser older woman? It might help to talk to someone like that so your wife can get guidance from someone else. Can you invoke your own cultural background?

Whether or not you can get an order of protection would depend on what they are doing and what proof you have of it. As was said earlier, keep a record of all contacts. IL is an "all party" state, so you can't record phone conversations without their permission, but you most certainly should keep any messages they leave on an answering machine or cell phone (that's implied consent). Take all that evidence to your lawyer.
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  #18  
Old April 17th, 2008, 10:36 AM
sahil_123 sahil_123 is offline
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Re: In laws problem plz advise?

yes u r right i went with her for counslor. yet of not use. and what ever i did to convice her , was beeing very nice polite yet MIL comes in " dear daughter he is doing this perhaps he has this plan, perhaps he want that from u stuff like that." continuous feeding is in my way. and when i try to convince her that behave like adult, she thinks i m trying to keep her away from her MOM. just want her to realize the gravity of situation such a voilant relationship ll destroy both of us and our kids as well. but on her thinking i m voilant and i m mad. because of i snatched my car key s from her hand. and because i padded her on back to make her cool and prove as friendly husband . but she consider that in beating. franklly she want me to do what she say and she think is right eventually what MIL thinks right. she want a pupit and i m trying to do that now a days as well perhaps that will help her belive me or some day she ll realize !
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  #19  
Old April 17th, 2008, 10:46 AM
sahil_123 sahil_123 is offline
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Re: In laws problem plz advise?

yes dear MOD, the only person she believes is her mom or her sisters, she have whole family here her 3 uncles, 7 aunts and there kids. every one tried to convince her but she with her family what ever is the case MOM is always right.
As we are muslim and pakistani, i have no shame to accept that we never help each other and if we do always in favor of women. 2 tears from some ladys eyes can do any thing. and as for question is concerned for help i m alone in United states , no family , no friends, no relatives no contacts. thats why i m here in forum and trying every possible thing to educate my self. i have DIGITAL RECORDS for the conversatoin of my wife with her mom. like she feeding her " he gave u $500 today give me those dont keep them with u . and give me ur passport and stuff dont have any thing at ur house. ohhhh he is out ok do this do that, all the planning, daily when she wake up she talk to her mom for hours discussing each and every single thing about me, my job, my earnings, what to buy and from where to buy. she didnt changed the address as she moved with me cuase she dont want her Medicare, and FOOD STAMP benifits to end. cause MIL using her and my Kids benifits for her house hold needs. i can prove that & i have records, when she was hitting me, when she turned the car wheel, pic of broken lamps, paint from wall etc. wear and tear of my clothes by her MADNESS.
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  #20  
Old April 17th, 2008, 12:17 PM
1dilwhosreal 1dilwhosreal is offline
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Re: In laws problem plz advise?

I'm going to be honest here.

Your story is exactly the opposite from what I usually hear from wives who are from your culture. Usually it's the wife that moves in with the abusive MIL and must meet her strict standards. If she doesn't, her husband has the authority to discipline her because he is responsible for her. The discipline often includes a beating.

How did your situation get totally turned around? Is your wife not obedient to the teachings of the Qu'ran? Or are you both more liberal Muslims?

ETA: I in no way approve of physical discipline, whether or not it is permitted by a religious authority. If that is happening, it should stop.

Last edited by 1dilwhosreal; April 17th, 2008 at 12:23 PM.
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