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  #41  
Old May 9th, 2008, 11:14 AM
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nonnymouse nonnymouse is offline
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Re: In laws problem plz advise?

Good for you both. It sounds like this change was a long time coming.

Be re enforcing how much you value being a family unit with your wife and children. Commend her for doing something so challenging, standing up to her mother. Being an adult in her own home with you instead of a child in someone elses takes practice.

Keep re enforcing how you value your wifes growing maturity and responsible adult behaviors. Don't just slip into the role of servant to her commands. Treat her like an adult and expect her to behave like one. She will need help and care because she is pregnant and that is physically draining but she can be respectful about it.

Start doing things as a family and with other couples with children (people who behave in ways you respect) instead of always with her relatives. Help your wife find positive things to be involved in while you are at work.

She may not know what to do with herself at first if she is used to spending all day with her mom. Or maybe she will be both sad and relieved to be away from her.

Be supportive of and sympathetic with each other. How is your son taking all this?

Don't let upset feelings about MIL or anything else shake you out of standing up for your family. You have fought hard for all of them. I respect you and your wife a lot. Change takes time and effort. Best Wishes.
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  #42  
Old May 9th, 2008, 12:31 PM
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Re: In laws problem plz advise?

I agree with the others about locking documents up. Plus, here are the phone numbers I have for credit reporting - explain that a family member stole (&/or sold) the ss#

Equifax: 1-800-525-6285
Experian: 1-888-397-3742
Trans Union: 1-800-680-7289
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  #43  
Old May 12th, 2008, 07:44 AM
sahil_123 sahil_123 is offline
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Re: In laws problem plz advise?

i am greatfull to all, she had her as well as the kids documents and i know that for sure she is not giving them to me at any cost , locking the documents is out of question for me, but i can convince her for have her own safe deposit box/ locker in a bank and she can place the documents there. yet who knows when she ll hand over them back to MIL. if i can steel them and put them in locker but i think outcome of that wont help at all. the gravity of situation require me to just be kind to my wife, and i have to take the risk by leaving documents with her. otherwise situation may get worst than before. but guys i ll try to convince her if she agree to handover them to me or even to place them in some locker at bank. my all efforts at the moment are to make her realize the difference between right and wrong. And she have to learn bahaving like an adult instead of holding finger of some one all of her life.
I can try to do it right, perfection is GOD's business. comments ll be really appriciated. thanks again.
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  #44  
Old May 12th, 2008, 11:01 AM
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nonnymouse nonnymouse is offline
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Re: In laws problem plz advise?

Sounds like having them in her own hands is a good step.

What ways does your wife have of feeling like a responsible adult who has some power over her own life? What goals does she have of using her own God given talents to benefit herself and your growing family?

Frankly, I do not think wanting to learn to drive is a bad thing. Nor do I think she should have to have your permission.

You shouldn't be the teacher though that just makes for one more parent to child aspect of your relationship which is not great for your marriage. I think she should take a course driving or something else where she is responsible and in an responsibility building role with other adults besides you or your in-laws.

Is there anything like the Sears driving school where you are at? What ways does your wife want to break away from you in a healthy way and grow? Encourage her in those. Be her husband/partner not her parent/permission giver. Your kids will benefit by seeing her less dependent and more mature.

Don't give up on counseling either. It really could be a supportive place for her after she gets used to the idea.

Those are my comments. Best Wishes.
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  #45  
Old May 20th, 2008, 08:49 AM
sahil_123 sahil_123 is offline
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Re: In laws problem plz advise?

Its her call when she need to learn driving, she is not doing by her wish i asked her several times for that but she refused, cause her ID has expired and she dont want to renew that because of the fact if she did she have to change her Address as she is living with me in chicago. if she do that her mom MIL wont be getting food stamp and medic aid from DHS. because my earnings are above poverty line. she she is not applying for licence, not renewing her ID just to get those benifits.
i just want to save my family. i am not kind of person who cannot give her space, but she should take step, she should act responsible and mature . just wanted to clear this thing sorry for late reply but i am preparing for my exam these days so dont have much time but i ll keep in touch with u guys. take care and enjoy!
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  #46  
Old May 21st, 2008, 07:30 AM
quietlife quietlife is offline
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Re: In laws problem plz advise?

Quote:
Originally Posted by sahil_123 View Post
Its her call when she need to learn driving, she is not doing by her wish i asked her several times for that but she refused, cause her ID has expired and she dont want to renew that because of the fact if she did she have to change her Address as she is living with me in chicago. if she do that her mom MIL wont be getting food stamp and medic aid from DHS. because my earnings are above poverty line. she she is not applying for licence, not renewing her ID just to get those benifits.
i just want to save my family. i am not kind of person who cannot give her space, but she should take step, she should act responsible and mature . just wanted to clear this thing sorry for late reply but i am preparing for my exam these days so dont have much time but i ll keep in touch with u guys. take care and enjoy!

Isn't what she is doing considered fraud in your state? It is where I live. From what I understand your MIL doesn't qualify for social assistance, but your wife claiming that she and her child is living at your MIL's address qualifies her for certain social assistance benefits such as food stamps and medic aide which benefits the MIL. It's only a matter of time before the system catches up with this, or someone might report it.

I realize that you have a lot on your plate right now, but you need to take this situation under control because it could affect your residency status in the U.S. and give you another mountain of problems to deal with.

If I have misunderstood the situation and/or the ramifications, I give you my sincerest apologies in advance.
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  #47  
Old May 21st, 2008, 07:52 AM
sahil_123 sahil_123 is offline
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Re: In laws problem plz advise?

You are very much right ! they are taking illegal advantage, but what can i do ? i have no idea. As far reporting is concerned i reported to DHS medicaid division about a month ago and yet no news. i think they just dont care i ll do my part as a responsible US immigrant i told them the situation. now its up to them i can report food stamp as well but where? i dont know they have alot of dept. and i really dont want to mess up my status here, if i did some thing like this life would be more complicated for me . and i think as i am not part of that so legally i have no obligations. they are doing what they might have to pay for. Yes! its till when system catches them i dont know when. i am open for suggestions. thanks!
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  #48  
Old May 21st, 2008, 08:07 AM
quietlife quietlife is offline
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Re: In laws problem plz advise?

I wish I could help more! I'll see what I can find out online, you mentioned that you live in Chicago, so that's in Illinois. I'm in Canada, so our laws may be different.

What worries me is that your wife is committing the fraud, not the MIL. My heavens your MIL is such a twisted person. Does this mean that this drags you into this mess because you are married to the person committing the fraud?

I'm going to do some online research into this, but in the meatime can other posters out there shed some light on this situation. Hello!!! Anyone out there that knows more than me. Of course there is. Help us please!!
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  #49  
Old May 21st, 2008, 08:16 AM
quietlife quietlife is offline
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Re: In laws problem plz advise?

Sahil, can you tell me what jurisdiction these benefits fall under? Are they from the city, state or federal governments?
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  #50  
Old May 21st, 2008, 09:27 AM
1dilwhosreal 1dilwhosreal is offline
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Re: In laws problem plz advise?

I don't know about IL, but in PA:

His DW is knowingly committing fraud. Should the state ever choose to investigate (often they turn the other way), and she's found out, she will most likely have to repay any benefits she's received under false pretenses. She may also be banned from receiving benefits in the future.

Personally, sahil123, I'd just file a change of address for your DW and let the cards fall where they may.
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